August 28, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
Thoughts at large:
This is a big question on my mind lately. I don’t try to be rude, intrusive, but I can’t figure it out. In my day you were considered lose if you “slept” around. If you wound up pregnant, that was even worse. Yes, the norm was changing with the advent of birth control pills. I would have disgraced my parents had I come home pregnant and slept around meant sleeping with one other guy. Today, I often hear young women talk about other girls who are considered “lose”. The ones talking to me have had several lovers by the time they were in their early 20’s. What is today’s standard of a lose woman?
As a kid we moved a lot. We lived in Michigan, Colorado, Arizona and New Mexico all before I was 5. As a newly married young woman, we found ourselves moving a lot. It seemed cool at the time although I grew weary of it rather quickly. I lived for 17 years in Lincoln Park, moved to Allen Park and lived there with my family three years until my divorce. I then moved in with Mom for 15 months. When I married Junior I lived with him in his house for 9 months, then we moved to Redford. We lived there for 11 years then moved to VA. We have been here a little over a year and we are moving AGAIN! On one hand I am excited about the future home and the “decorating” piece to it. On the other hand, I’m tired of moving. The good thing is that a lot of things have been gone through and my kids won’t have that much to deal with, at this point anyway.
Junior has told me from the beginning that his back one day may give out. I’ve dealt with a handicapped Dad. I’m not afraid of loving someone who has physical challenges. Junior may be missing a foot, but I find him to be as whole as anyone I’ve ever met. As we prepare to move, we believe this may our last home. We are planning on setting up the house for our later years. Junior may be in a wheel chair. If so we want wider doorways and a shower we can roll him into plus a couple of wheel chair ramps etc. So it occurs to me, how am I going to lift him? I will be older and weaker – not that I am strong now. Then I realize, God is in charge and He knows my limitations. So what am I worried about? I also realize that Junior more than likely will be able to walk some. He probably will be able to stand up and walk to the wheel chair. When he retired with his bad back, he was always able to walk some. He just couldn’t walk far. At the air port we got him one of those people who would wheel you to your destination. We even took a wheel chair so we could still see the sights. Again, what am I worried about?
My weight….I’ve struggled a lifetime with feeling wanted, loved and accepted if I had an ounce of fat on me. Only recently have I learned and I mean deep down inside of me learned that Junior loves me even if I have a few pounds extra on me. He still finds me beautiful even though I have 15 extra pounds on me. As I have come out of the fog I’ve been in since I’ve retired, I have energy to walk again. I take my weights with me and exercise my arms and shoulders. I also pull in my stomach as I walk along and I’m seeing my belly go down. So as I grow old and have more weight on me, Junior is going to sill love me. He does like me taking care of my body and being fit. That’s nice too.
Junior also cares about how he looks. He will dress nice when we go out in public. At home he even will take pride in his looks, although he sometimes dress’ down some. Especially if he is working in the yard, painting, wood working and stuff like that. He loves that I look nice for him and he likes to look nice for me. I so appreciate that. In another life time, the man did not care about his looks and expected me to look nice. He wanted a trophy wife, but did not care what I liked. I am grateful that Junior truly cares about what I like.
I’ve had so many hair styles since I’ve been with Junior. When I married him, I had real short hair, spiky short. Then I grew it some and all of a sudden menopause hit and I had curly hair. I loved the curly hair stage. Menopause has passed and I have straight hair again. Each stage Junior has complimented me and I sense he means it. Again, I find Junior loves “me” and does not look at me as a model. He does not know how much that means to me. When he used to wake me up before he went to work, he always told me how beautiful I was. My brain thought, “yeah, right.” My hair was all messed up, I had morning breath and he found me beautiful!
My question is what is important to you, looks or the person inside?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
August 21, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
There it is again. I keep running into this struggle and I don’t know how to deal with it. It is an attitude and I feel it says, “I’m better than you and what you are doing is sooooo not worthwhile.” It doesn’t seem to matter that we may be made differently, have different tastes etc. It is an attitude and sometimes it hurts.
I like to write, bet you didn’t know that? I love to write. I feel compelled to write. When we are in a faith journey with the Lord and you feel something this strong on your heart, well, you need to do it and it begins to consume you…. you can’t not do it. You have to do what is on your heart to do.
My book may or may not sell. That is what happens when you write. I’ve chosen to self publish. I wasn’t up to a ton of rejections. I prayed and sensed God saying, I need to self publish. So I have self published this book. If the book is going to sell, God will see to it that it sells.
My goal is to reach the “un-churched.” I may reach some, I may not. When I get to heaven and I stand before the Lord, I need to answer to Him. That also compels me. I want Jesus to say, “Well done good and faithful servant.” I want Jesus to be proud of me. So I am willing to do what is on my heart.
Sometimes I find a need to reach out to people in the community down here. One lady in particular can be seen as a “yuck” type of person. When I look at Jesus and His life, He often reached out to “those” type of people. For me, I have felt like that a lot. You know “one of those people.” Jesus loves ME, the weird, unlovable type of person I am. Jesus also tells me I am worthwhile. He tells me He wants me to put blinders on and begin to look past the distasteful parts of their personality and look at their heart. For me that has been such an awe inspiring moment. Jesus, looked passed my “strange” personality defects and into my heart.
Sometimes that means I may be seen in public with these types of people. I may even be looked down upon because I am seen with this type of person. Still if I am sincere about my faith journey, then I need to love as I am loved. I am not to love as the world does. I also believe God will “protect” me if I need to be protected. The lady I am thinking of here is not a person who will be my best friend. We are worlds apart in our general lifestyles. I can be a friendly face, a caring person in general. I am also not going to “give” her the shirt off my back, just to give her things. We aren’t really helping people if we just give for the sake of giving. Sometimes giving may be a listening ear, a smile or a gesture that says you are precious in God’s sight, give an occasional ride and on occasion it may be that I give money, food etc. I need to be discerning as I reach out to give.
I also think about Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was 100 when Isaac was born. God told Abraham to take Isaac and offer him as a sacrifice. As Abraham was preparing Isaac God told him not to sacrifice the child and a ram came along and that is what Abraham sacrificed. The lesson for me is that I need to “step out” in faith. I learn again that God is a God of action not in action. If I feel compelled to reach out to someone who is “strange to me,” to write a book etc. then I need to “do it.” If I don’t……I feel “not right.” Until I do what I am sensing God leading me to do, I will not feel any peace until I do it.
Another struggle I am having is my past. I have met people who can close the door to their past. I can’t. Part of the problems I had in my past was ignoring, pretending the things that were going on were not going on. Until I began to face the reality of what was being done, I could not move out of my pain. I had a counselor tell me one time that what was done to me wasn’t that bad. For me, until I admitted that I didn’t like it, I couldn’t move forward, I was stuck. Once I was able to say “I didn’t like that,” I was able to begin a journey of healing. I was able to forgive, to let go etc.
One of the most painful moments in our family was a child who died. He drowned on a school field trip. The adults were not keeping tabs on the kids. He got sick, fell into the water and drowned. The next year was the most painful year. It was hard to move forward and this child was talked about a whole lot.
As the years have gone on, the need to talk about it has decreased. We remember him though. He was a part of our lives for 12 years and we don’t really forget that he was part of our lives, even if it was only for a few years. I can’t shut the door to my “old” life. I was married to a man, gave birth to his children and even raised them with this man. How do I shut the door?
I hurt a whole lot as well. Through the years, I’ve been able to let go for the most part. I still bring up “old” memories, very painful memories from time to time. Part of me needs to remember so I don’t repeat “old” patterns. Closing the door so to speak, was part of what contributed to my dysfunction. Part of me can’t believe I allowed the junk that went on. Part of my struggle is called “post traumatic” stress. A lot of what helped me move out of my dysfunction was “talking” as in talking to counselors, to other women who struggled as I had struggled and so I “talk” still. Junior and I were in a couple of accountability groups through the years as well. We all talked about the struggles we had in our past lives and struggles we were dealing with in the present. As we “peered” into our lives we began to let go and move on.
I have been divorced for 13 years now. My need for constant “talking” is much less. I have “worked” through many of my previous feelings of hurt and rejection. I have a friend who was married for 5 years. It was a crazy marriage and then her husband left her. She was single for at least ten years before she married again. She has been married for 17 years now and her husband is the “love” of her life. On occasion, we still talk about those “old” feelings. We don’t dwell on it, but they come out. The “talking” helps her to let go even now. The talking also will from time to time help me. Sometimes when I am working through some old hurts, her comments help me. I learn my feelings are “ok.”
I wish I could shut the door. For me to shut it is to deny that part of my life never existed. To me it is like the child in our family who died. It is like any person we have loved who has died. Shutting the door means they never existed.
The Bible talks about having many parts in the family of God. One may be an ear. Another part may be a foot. Each part has an important role in the function of our body. Also the same goes on in the church. Each individual has a role within the body of Christ. One may be a prayer warrior, another may be a missionary and still another may write, talk, and reach out whatever.
As I write, I come up with another of my many questions. What is your role in the body of Christ? Is it time to begin this part of your faith journey?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
There it is again. I keep running into this struggle and I don’t know how to deal with it. It is an attitude and I feel it says, “I’m better than you and what you are doing is sooooo not worthwhile.” It doesn’t seem to matter that we may be made differently, have different tastes etc. It is an attitude and sometimes it hurts.
I like to write, bet you didn’t know that? I love to write. I feel compelled to write. When we are in a faith journey with the Lord and you feel something this strong on your heart, well, you need to do it and it begins to consume you…. you can’t not do it. You have to do what is on your heart to do.
My book may or may not sell. That is what happens when you write. I’ve chosen to self publish. I wasn’t up to a ton of rejections. I prayed and sensed God saying, I need to self publish. So I have self published this book. If the book is going to sell, God will see to it that it sells.
My goal is to reach the “un-churched.” I may reach some, I may not. When I get to heaven and I stand before the Lord, I need to answer to Him. That also compels me. I want Jesus to say, “Well done good and faithful servant.” I want Jesus to be proud of me. So I am willing to do what is on my heart.
Sometimes I find a need to reach out to people in the community down here. One lady in particular can be seen as a “yuck” type of person. When I look at Jesus and His life, He often reached out to “those” type of people. For me, I have felt like that a lot. You know “one of those people.” Jesus loves ME, the weird, unlovable type of person I am. Jesus also tells me I am worthwhile. He tells me He wants me to put blinders on and begin to look past the distasteful parts of their personality and look at their heart. For me that has been such an awe inspiring moment. Jesus, looked passed my “strange” personality defects and into my heart.
Sometimes that means I may be seen in public with these types of people. I may even be looked down upon because I am seen with this type of person. Still if I am sincere about my faith journey, then I need to love as I am loved. I am not to love as the world does. I also believe God will “protect” me if I need to be protected. The lady I am thinking of here is not a person who will be my best friend. We are worlds apart in our general lifestyles. I can be a friendly face, a caring person in general. I am also not going to “give” her the shirt off my back, just to give her things. We aren’t really helping people if we just give for the sake of giving. Sometimes giving may be a listening ear, a smile or a gesture that says you are precious in God’s sight, give an occasional ride and on occasion it may be that I give money, food etc. I need to be discerning as I reach out to give.
I also think about Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was 100 when Isaac was born. God told Abraham to take Isaac and offer him as a sacrifice. As Abraham was preparing Isaac God told him not to sacrifice the child and a ram came along and that is what Abraham sacrificed. The lesson for me is that I need to “step out” in faith. I learn again that God is a God of action not in action. If I feel compelled to reach out to someone who is “strange to me,” to write a book etc. then I need to “do it.” If I don’t……I feel “not right.” Until I do what I am sensing God leading me to do, I will not feel any peace until I do it.
Another struggle I am having is my past. I have met people who can close the door to their past. I can’t. Part of the problems I had in my past was ignoring, pretending the things that were going on were not going on. Until I began to face the reality of what was being done, I could not move out of my pain. I had a counselor tell me one time that what was done to me wasn’t that bad. For me, until I admitted that I didn’t like it, I couldn’t move forward, I was stuck. Once I was able to say “I didn’t like that,” I was able to begin a journey of healing. I was able to forgive, to let go etc.
One of the most painful moments in our family was a child who died. He drowned on a school field trip. The adults were not keeping tabs on the kids. He got sick, fell into the water and drowned. The next year was the most painful year. It was hard to move forward and this child was talked about a whole lot.
As the years have gone on, the need to talk about it has decreased. We remember him though. He was a part of our lives for 12 years and we don’t really forget that he was part of our lives, even if it was only for a few years. I can’t shut the door to my “old” life. I was married to a man, gave birth to his children and even raised them with this man. How do I shut the door?
I hurt a whole lot as well. Through the years, I’ve been able to let go for the most part. I still bring up “old” memories, very painful memories from time to time. Part of me needs to remember so I don’t repeat “old” patterns. Closing the door so to speak, was part of what contributed to my dysfunction. Part of me can’t believe I allowed the junk that went on. Part of my struggle is called “post traumatic” stress. A lot of what helped me move out of my dysfunction was “talking” as in talking to counselors, to other women who struggled as I had struggled and so I “talk” still. Junior and I were in a couple of accountability groups through the years as well. We all talked about the struggles we had in our past lives and struggles we were dealing with in the present. As we “peered” into our lives we began to let go and move on.
I have been divorced for 13 years now. My need for constant “talking” is much less. I have “worked” through many of my previous feelings of hurt and rejection. I have a friend who was married for 5 years. It was a crazy marriage and then her husband left her. She was single for at least ten years before she married again. She has been married for 17 years now and her husband is the “love” of her life. On occasion, we still talk about those “old” feelings. We don’t dwell on it, but they come out. The “talking” helps her to let go even now. The talking also will from time to time help me. Sometimes when I am working through some old hurts, her comments help me. I learn my feelings are “ok.”
I wish I could shut the door. For me to shut it is to deny that part of my life never existed. To me it is like the child in our family who died. It is like any person we have loved who has died. Shutting the door means they never existed.
The Bible talks about having many parts in the family of God. One may be an ear. Another part may be a foot. Each part has an important role in the function of our body. Also the same goes on in the church. Each individual has a role within the body of Christ. One may be a prayer warrior, another may be a missionary and still another may write, talk, and reach out whatever.
As I write, I come up with another of my many questions. What is your role in the body of Christ? Is it time to begin this part of your faith journey?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, August 13, 2010
August 14, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
As I write this it is a Sunday afternoon. In Sunday school we are studying God’s design for marriage and I had a Wow moment. We started at the beginning with the creation of man and woman. God created man, and then created all the living things on the earth, under the earth, in the sea and the sky. Still no suitable helpmate was found for the man. This is the part I had never “got” before. First when Adam was created, God created him from the dust of the earth. All other creatures were spoken into being but Adam was different he was fashioned from the dirt with God’s own hand. I liked the unique way we were formed. Next when woman was created, God put Adam into a deep sleep. From Adam’s rib God created woman.
When Junior and I were married the minister talked about how woman was created from Adam’s rib, not his head to be over her or his foot for him to trample her but his rib to stand beside him. This teaching has stayed with me all these years. Junior is not more important than me and I am an equal partner in our marriage. That has felt real good to me. I was made out of the rib, the part closest to the heart. I see this as I am to watch after Junior’s heart.
As the lesson went on I learned again about how God breathed life into Adam. It is something I’ve heard a million times but today I heard more. Breathing life into Adam is like a kiss. It is intimate. As I thought on this, I realized that is a very tender moment between a man and a woman. We also discussed that prostitutes will not kiss their “johns”. They won’t because it is too personal, intimate. Again God created all creation and with man, woman He was more involved in their creation.
My mind races off in different directions. First I feel God’s love again. Since meeting Jesus, I have found the deep love I’ve sought for a lifetime. As I have allowed myself to be loved by God, I find I want to love as I am loved, to reach out to others. I think of “living water.” Living water is constantly moving and won’t go bad because it is constantly renewing itself. When I hit the roadblocks of life that at times knock me off kilter, I find when I spend time alone with God, I am renewed. I tend to spend time with God pretty much each day. Sometimes I will skip prayer time or Bible study time. Generally I try to spend time each day with both, sometimes I may skip one or the other. Still, when I am hit hard, I find myself spending even more time alone with God. It is in those moments I find a new strength to face difficulties.
I also see that God created man to be with woman and woman to be with man. That is the way He created us in the beginning. Within a few generations of the fall polygamy was the norm. As I read Scripture though, I find that to be full of strife. One of many stories comes to mind. Jacob had two wives. They were sisters and the tension between them was tremendous. There was constant rivalry and bitterness. The woman at the well was married five times and she was living with a man. Jesus told her to go and sin no more. In my heart I believe she left the man she was living with and started life in Christ. As I see it, God wants us to commit to each other as God commits to us and us to God. (If we are in with Him, His Son and have repented of our sins)
Next I see that there is a relationship with God as in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. God created creation, seeking to expand relationship to us, His created. At some point life as we know it will end. God does not tell us when, in the end though we will face judgment. If we have not accepted Jesus as Savior as the Bible tells us from Genesis on, then hell is where we will go. There is eternity and we can choose where we will spend it.
I also see that marriage is a precious gift from God. Some people may never marry. Paul the Apostle never married and that is ok. Our Lord never married either. Still I find that marriage is precious, as in business there needs to be someone ultimately in charge at the “head” so to speak. Junior and I try to have God as the “head” in our marriage. Next I believe it is Junior’s role to “lead” mainly spiritually but also on occasion when we can’t come up with an answer. I see my role as helpmate. I like that, each time I “hear” that word, I feel real good inside. I stand beside Junior helping him as we move through life. If we look at the “church” Jesus is the head. We are members of the church. Some are hands, some are feet, some are ears etc. No one is more important than the other and all parts are needed. That feels real nice too.
As I come to a close my thoughts turn toward marriage again. Who is in charge of your marriage? Are you equal partners standing side by side?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
As I write this it is a Sunday afternoon. In Sunday school we are studying God’s design for marriage and I had a Wow moment. We started at the beginning with the creation of man and woman. God created man, and then created all the living things on the earth, under the earth, in the sea and the sky. Still no suitable helpmate was found for the man. This is the part I had never “got” before. First when Adam was created, God created him from the dust of the earth. All other creatures were spoken into being but Adam was different he was fashioned from the dirt with God’s own hand. I liked the unique way we were formed. Next when woman was created, God put Adam into a deep sleep. From Adam’s rib God created woman.
When Junior and I were married the minister talked about how woman was created from Adam’s rib, not his head to be over her or his foot for him to trample her but his rib to stand beside him. This teaching has stayed with me all these years. Junior is not more important than me and I am an equal partner in our marriage. That has felt real good to me. I was made out of the rib, the part closest to the heart. I see this as I am to watch after Junior’s heart.
As the lesson went on I learned again about how God breathed life into Adam. It is something I’ve heard a million times but today I heard more. Breathing life into Adam is like a kiss. It is intimate. As I thought on this, I realized that is a very tender moment between a man and a woman. We also discussed that prostitutes will not kiss their “johns”. They won’t because it is too personal, intimate. Again God created all creation and with man, woman He was more involved in their creation.
My mind races off in different directions. First I feel God’s love again. Since meeting Jesus, I have found the deep love I’ve sought for a lifetime. As I have allowed myself to be loved by God, I find I want to love as I am loved, to reach out to others. I think of “living water.” Living water is constantly moving and won’t go bad because it is constantly renewing itself. When I hit the roadblocks of life that at times knock me off kilter, I find when I spend time alone with God, I am renewed. I tend to spend time with God pretty much each day. Sometimes I will skip prayer time or Bible study time. Generally I try to spend time each day with both, sometimes I may skip one or the other. Still, when I am hit hard, I find myself spending even more time alone with God. It is in those moments I find a new strength to face difficulties.
I also see that God created man to be with woman and woman to be with man. That is the way He created us in the beginning. Within a few generations of the fall polygamy was the norm. As I read Scripture though, I find that to be full of strife. One of many stories comes to mind. Jacob had two wives. They were sisters and the tension between them was tremendous. There was constant rivalry and bitterness. The woman at the well was married five times and she was living with a man. Jesus told her to go and sin no more. In my heart I believe she left the man she was living with and started life in Christ. As I see it, God wants us to commit to each other as God commits to us and us to God. (If we are in with Him, His Son and have repented of our sins)
Next I see that there is a relationship with God as in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. God created creation, seeking to expand relationship to us, His created. At some point life as we know it will end. God does not tell us when, in the end though we will face judgment. If we have not accepted Jesus as Savior as the Bible tells us from Genesis on, then hell is where we will go. There is eternity and we can choose where we will spend it.
I also see that marriage is a precious gift from God. Some people may never marry. Paul the Apostle never married and that is ok. Our Lord never married either. Still I find that marriage is precious, as in business there needs to be someone ultimately in charge at the “head” so to speak. Junior and I try to have God as the “head” in our marriage. Next I believe it is Junior’s role to “lead” mainly spiritually but also on occasion when we can’t come up with an answer. I see my role as helpmate. I like that, each time I “hear” that word, I feel real good inside. I stand beside Junior helping him as we move through life. If we look at the “church” Jesus is the head. We are members of the church. Some are hands, some are feet, some are ears etc. No one is more important than the other and all parts are needed. That feels real nice too.
As I come to a close my thoughts turn toward marriage again. Who is in charge of your marriage? Are you equal partners standing side by side?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, August 6, 2010
August 7, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I’ve been pondering this for a while and I want to explore it more fully. Remember the geeks in high school? Remember how strange they were? Often times they were very smart, but boring. Listening to them was a chore to get through. They could be nice, but you know, they were boring. They didn’t like to have fun, like we liked to have fun. Bill Gates comes to mind. He must have been very into computers when everyone else was into football games, weekend parties and such.
In my more mature years, I find this problem still exists. Some people think going to church pot lucks are so boring. Some people don’t get “not drinking”. Fewer and fewer people in my age range can carry on like this anymore, so it is going away some. Still, there are other ways that people find us boring. To be honest I still run into this type of thinking amongst people in my age range and of course the younger generation often thinks that the older lifestyle is totally boring.
Another struggle I am having is people who think you are way out in left field. They don’t like the way I tend to use supplements. They may not like a financial decision I have made. They may not even like certain people I am involved with. This is a struggle for me to work through. To be honest, I have lost confidence in the medical profession at times. When I had cancer I was given a drug. It was supposed to help me not get cancer again in the breast. This drug began playing havoc on my uterus. I was displaying every side effect for uterine cancer, which was supposed to happen in less than 1% of those who used the drug. I asked the cancer doctor about going off and they recommended that I stay on the drug because my chance for breast cancer reoccurring was high. My head kept thinking “uterine cancer versus breast cancer, hmm, cancer is cancer.” I went off the drug, the side effects subsided and so far, so good. I am almost 6 years cancer free. Going to the oncologist, each visit I gave three little tubes of blood. The only thing they looked for was breast cancer. My family doctor always does a series of tests which look for many different things that could go wrong.
Supplements, prior to marrying Junior I was skeptical. When we first married and he started putting them before me as I ate, I was a little weary. When I went through radiation, I started to see a nutritionist. He recommended flax seed oil. I have been taking those capsules now for many years and Wow! My skin is extremely dry. Our mother had a birth defect. Her skin was so dry that it looked like fish scales. None of us kids and now grandkids has skin that bad. Our skin is extremely dry. It is miserably dry. As I went through menopause, it got worse. Flax seed oil has been wonderful. I did not burn badly with radiation and to this day my skin is not so dry.
When I first started taking supplements I noticed that my energy level evened out. I was the type where I had tons of energy or none. As I look at Junior it is hard to believe that he is 7 years older than me. His skin is good and he has a good amount of energy. He does tire due to pain. Junior has exercised regularly and taken supplements for decades now. He is doing great all because he takes supplements and life style choices. He quit smoking in his late twenty’s or early thirty’s. He has not drunk since then either. He rolled a beloved car due to his drinking and from that day on he has not had a drink. His life style choices have helped him to not be worn out or beat up in old age. Again his amputation and work that stressed his back do show themselves in his life.
Money, again I ponder. I knew someone who decided to get an education later in life. Good for her was what I thought. I was looking at retirement. I have wanted to write for years and years. That became my goal, write in retirement. This person began to develop an attitude toward me because they were going to be educated and I never finished my degree. Why does a college education mean you are better? I had people who thought I was off base, weird etc. As I listened to them, I found that the people they looked up to were…..not making the same choices I was making. One person pulled their money out of their 401k when the markets took a down turn. They bought a car. That person now has nothing or little saved for retirement. Another person that was looked up to a whole lot was going through a fourth divorce. Hmmm, I’m weird. I don’t get it. Junior and I sought the help of a financial planner, we listened to him and we are retired. I was able to retire young, 54, not bad. I’m not trying to brag, but I don’t “get it.”
Relationships, again I ponder…..I was married 24 years and divorced. That’s a long time, even if it was a rough marriage. I was able to stick it out. I’ve now been married for 12 years to Junior. Total number of years married is 36. It seems to me that I learned from my mistakes. Junior and I have a very companionable relationship. I just heard where Elizabeth Taylor is on her 8th marriage and she is in her 80’s. Some people don’t seem to be able to pick a good partner to make a commitment with. I must say that I have met people who are on their 3rd marriage. They went to marriage number 2 and were divorced. They did not look at their part of the marriage break up and that marriage fell apart. After that they took a long hard look at what they did wrong and the ones I know of on the third round they also made a commitment to walk with Jesus. These marriages I see are making it. I know of one lady who is on her third marriage and she has been married over 20 years.
Again, I believe the “success” I have had in life is nothing that I’ve done. I believe it is Jesus. The dream of my life today is to learn to live how God created us. It is a process, a journey and it has been just that a process and a journey. As I settle into this journey, I begin to find that if people find me weird, so be it. I am learning to let go if I need to. I don’t cling like I used to. If I do cling, I am learning to cling to God. As I keep stating, my goal is to Agape love. If it isn’t returned, so be it. God loves me. God’s love has been so precious. In His love, I have found courage to face life. I find courage to love, to give and to bring it back to the Father for His glory. This new life is WONDERFUL!
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I’ve been pondering this for a while and I want to explore it more fully. Remember the geeks in high school? Remember how strange they were? Often times they were very smart, but boring. Listening to them was a chore to get through. They could be nice, but you know, they were boring. They didn’t like to have fun, like we liked to have fun. Bill Gates comes to mind. He must have been very into computers when everyone else was into football games, weekend parties and such.
In my more mature years, I find this problem still exists. Some people think going to church pot lucks are so boring. Some people don’t get “not drinking”. Fewer and fewer people in my age range can carry on like this anymore, so it is going away some. Still, there are other ways that people find us boring. To be honest I still run into this type of thinking amongst people in my age range and of course the younger generation often thinks that the older lifestyle is totally boring.
Another struggle I am having is people who think you are way out in left field. They don’t like the way I tend to use supplements. They may not like a financial decision I have made. They may not even like certain people I am involved with. This is a struggle for me to work through. To be honest, I have lost confidence in the medical profession at times. When I had cancer I was given a drug. It was supposed to help me not get cancer again in the breast. This drug began playing havoc on my uterus. I was displaying every side effect for uterine cancer, which was supposed to happen in less than 1% of those who used the drug. I asked the cancer doctor about going off and they recommended that I stay on the drug because my chance for breast cancer reoccurring was high. My head kept thinking “uterine cancer versus breast cancer, hmm, cancer is cancer.” I went off the drug, the side effects subsided and so far, so good. I am almost 6 years cancer free. Going to the oncologist, each visit I gave three little tubes of blood. The only thing they looked for was breast cancer. My family doctor always does a series of tests which look for many different things that could go wrong.
Supplements, prior to marrying Junior I was skeptical. When we first married and he started putting them before me as I ate, I was a little weary. When I went through radiation, I started to see a nutritionist. He recommended flax seed oil. I have been taking those capsules now for many years and Wow! My skin is extremely dry. Our mother had a birth defect. Her skin was so dry that it looked like fish scales. None of us kids and now grandkids has skin that bad. Our skin is extremely dry. It is miserably dry. As I went through menopause, it got worse. Flax seed oil has been wonderful. I did not burn badly with radiation and to this day my skin is not so dry.
When I first started taking supplements I noticed that my energy level evened out. I was the type where I had tons of energy or none. As I look at Junior it is hard to believe that he is 7 years older than me. His skin is good and he has a good amount of energy. He does tire due to pain. Junior has exercised regularly and taken supplements for decades now. He is doing great all because he takes supplements and life style choices. He quit smoking in his late twenty’s or early thirty’s. He has not drunk since then either. He rolled a beloved car due to his drinking and from that day on he has not had a drink. His life style choices have helped him to not be worn out or beat up in old age. Again his amputation and work that stressed his back do show themselves in his life.
Money, again I ponder. I knew someone who decided to get an education later in life. Good for her was what I thought. I was looking at retirement. I have wanted to write for years and years. That became my goal, write in retirement. This person began to develop an attitude toward me because they were going to be educated and I never finished my degree. Why does a college education mean you are better? I had people who thought I was off base, weird etc. As I listened to them, I found that the people they looked up to were…..not making the same choices I was making. One person pulled their money out of their 401k when the markets took a down turn. They bought a car. That person now has nothing or little saved for retirement. Another person that was looked up to a whole lot was going through a fourth divorce. Hmmm, I’m weird. I don’t get it. Junior and I sought the help of a financial planner, we listened to him and we are retired. I was able to retire young, 54, not bad. I’m not trying to brag, but I don’t “get it.”
Relationships, again I ponder…..I was married 24 years and divorced. That’s a long time, even if it was a rough marriage. I was able to stick it out. I’ve now been married for 12 years to Junior. Total number of years married is 36. It seems to me that I learned from my mistakes. Junior and I have a very companionable relationship. I just heard where Elizabeth Taylor is on her 8th marriage and she is in her 80’s. Some people don’t seem to be able to pick a good partner to make a commitment with. I must say that I have met people who are on their 3rd marriage. They went to marriage number 2 and were divorced. They did not look at their part of the marriage break up and that marriage fell apart. After that they took a long hard look at what they did wrong and the ones I know of on the third round they also made a commitment to walk with Jesus. These marriages I see are making it. I know of one lady who is on her third marriage and she has been married over 20 years.
Again, I believe the “success” I have had in life is nothing that I’ve done. I believe it is Jesus. The dream of my life today is to learn to live how God created us. It is a process, a journey and it has been just that a process and a journey. As I settle into this journey, I begin to find that if people find me weird, so be it. I am learning to let go if I need to. I don’t cling like I used to. If I do cling, I am learning to cling to God. As I keep stating, my goal is to Agape love. If it isn’t returned, so be it. God loves me. God’s love has been so precious. In His love, I have found courage to face life. I find courage to love, to give and to bring it back to the Father for His glory. This new life is WONDERFUL!
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)