July 3, 2010
Greeting My Friend,
A Scripture passage often reveals itself over and over to me. I ponder it often. It is Ephesians 5:28 “in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
First off I find myself thinking that we feed our bodies, some us more generously than others, still we feed our bodies. For awhile I was so distraught with life. I at one point got very scary thin. As the struggles of life got to me food would seem to be hard to swallow. I remember sitting in church on our wooden pews and it hurt my backbone – I was that thin.
Eating was a chore for me. Food was very unappealing, even though I was under weight, I did not care. The problems of life weighed as heavily on me as a ton of bricks on my back. I also thought that I was attractive so thin. Years later when I saw pictures of me, I thought that I looked old. At the time though, I did not see me the way others saw me.
If we love ourselves, care for ourselves we feed ourselves, we are clean, we wear clean clothes, neat not torn and a shamble – in day to day life. We do wear clothes to work in and those would be torn, ripped etc, but day to day wearing neat and clean clothes are the norm. When we are clean and for the most part neat, we show the world that we care for our bodies.
I remember as a young person stating that if we took care of our bodies, our bodies would take care of us. As a believer now, I believe if we take care of our body then we are honoring God. When we care for our body then we also don’t invite a lot of disease to live in us. As we get older many of us find that the choices we made early in life come back to haunt us. High School football players often deal with an old “football injury”. My job at the bank has shown itself in my neck. The way I held my head, twisted my neck for 20 some years as I worked on a computer now shows up with arthritis pain. There are times I feel my hands go numb. I sometimes struggle with carpel tunnel problems. Many people have diabetes due to the way they chose to eat. Smokers, how many of us take up that habit as a young person. All you have to do is look at the older generation and see what smoking does. Mom died of emphysema, Dad died of bladder cancer, and Grandpa C died of a heart attack – all of them heavy smokers.
I have marveled at Junior since the first time I met him. This time I marvel at how well he moves around and in general does life. Junior is an amputee. Junior messed his back up at work and also his amputation contributes to a lot of problems with his back. For twenty or more years Junior gets up most mornings and exercises his back. Junior also has awesome biceps, a defined chest and attractive abs. Who would blame Junior if he wanted to park himself in a recliner and check out on life? He doesn’t though. He has taken supplements, exercised and ate well. Because he cared for his body, he can stay involved in life. Does he have bad days? Yes he does, not very often though.
When we first were married, I remember Junior setting some supplements before me as we ate dinner. I thought it was weird. The test of time has shown me that they work. I need only to look at Junior and see what they have done for him. Junior was not expecting me to do something he would not do. I appreciate that.
For many years I felt I was to be a trophy pretty wife. The man did not have to be clean, or attractive, but I had to be for the man. I really appreciate Junior caring about his looks and I strive to be as neat and clean as he is. I don’t mind being his trophy wife because he cares enough to look nice for me. The fun thing is I often hear people tell me that we look good together. That makes me so happy. We look good and we feel good together. It is a blessing beyond words. Junior cares for me as he cares for his body. I like that a whole lot. I feel precious. I feel loved. I feel wanted all because Junior takes care of his body.
I remember asking my Doctor why “me” when she told me I had cancer. I tried to eat right, exercise, in general take care of my body. I thought it unfair. My Doctor told me that because I did take care of my body, I would be able to move through cancer better. My body had the power to heal because I had tried to take care of myself. I hung on to that statement as I struggled with radiation. Since cancer I have struggled to regain a sense of energy. To be honest I haven’t had any in years. A friend recently suggested that I look into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am starting to implement some of the changes that have been suggested and some days I have more energy now than I have had in years. I am taking some new supplements and slowly I find an energy level coming back I have not had since before cancer.
I believe that a life time of stress has finally caught up with me. God has been so wonderful at times in these last years. I have cried and He has given me wonderful hugs. He placed me with Junior and to be honest, I have felt the safest I have with another man these many years. My friends M & K have stood beside me in the lowest of moments through many years of life. Counseling has helped. The real healing in my life has been Jesus. The more I trust Jesus I am in awe because He has always been faithful. Our accountability groups have been wonderful. God has given me as I was able to accept them, the tools to walk away from stress.
Now I work on healing. It comes too slowly at times. I am frustrated and discouraged. I am also content. That’s the weird thing is the contentment I feel. It is not money. It is not a fancy home, nice clothes that brings me satisfaction these days. Real joy, contentment has been a walk with Jesus. He seems to know what I need and when I need it. As I trust and as I learn to hear and then do, well life is a joy.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet