May 8, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I remember a co-worker asking, “If there is a God, why are babies thrown in a dumpster?” It was a hard question and I did not know how respond. It did not make me want to quit believing though. I need God. I need him like the air I breathe.
I also asked God, “Why did my Dad hit us? Why did he ask to ‘show me’ how to make love?” and so many questions. I tend to ponder things a whole lot. It drives people crazy because I am peering and looking and digging into the deep layers of life.
I have believed for a long time that my trials have given me an insight. I am able to talk to women who are struggling with abuse. I can talk to them in a way many people can’t. I’ve walked the road and know firsthand. I can relate to the anger you feel when you are never able to control life around you. I can relate to the helplessness you feel as well.
I believe that God created Adam and Eve with choice. In my heart, I believe choice means that when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then God will have a group of people who love Him for Who He is, not because He created us to be like a robot and love because we don’t know any better.
I also remember a day when I looked back on my first marriage. I did not like what I saw. I felt for my children, I grieved for them. They grew up in a lot of dysfunction. I hurt for them and I was so very sad. Still, we all have trials in life. Why Lord? Why did they have to grow up with all that JUNK?
Slowly I came to a faith walk with the Lord Jesus. It took me a while. Jesus/God is male. Men hurt. If men hurt me, then the maleness of God a mighty God might hurt me even more. Still a part of me needed God, I knew it deep down. I wanted to be loved, accepted and a part of me knew God was the love I was seeking.
As I have gone on in life, I tended to befriend hurting people along my journey. They usually find me, I don’t seek them out. Not that every one of my friends are hurting either. The hurting do find me though. As I reach out in love, I find peace. I may not be able to solve all their problems, but I am able to love in a way that is helpful to them. I believe it is God in me.
As I allow myself to be filled with God’s love, I find life to be sweeter, worth living, As God gives me the courage to face each day I begin to find joy. A lot of times I use those trials I’ve encountered to reach out and to love. I had a friend who was being abused. She reached out to me. I went with her to Celebrate Recovery and I have such joy because she is not in the abuse any longer. She is even inviting Jesus to live with her, a blessing as well.
A while back, I needed to “re-enter” into someone’s life that I had not been in contact with. My prayer life and prayers for this person, allowed me to reconnect without anger. I also needed to call a lot of girlfriends. This person saw me as I was years and years ago. I found myself accepting the “old” me. As I talked to girlfriend after girlfriend, I started to see the “new” Janet. I am a new creation in Christ and that is what my friends showed me as I talked with them. When I met with this person, I was able to be the “new creation” and not the old “Janet.”
I have a problem of being a “victim.” I was one and to be honest, that is all I knew. My counseling, my walk with Jesus has taught me I don’t have to be a victim any longer, sometimes though when I get thrown that curve ball. I do find that “victim,” mentality again. My friends showed me that I am not that girl of years ago that allowed people to beat her up. I am a “New Creation” in Christ. With Jesus….I am able to “do” life without the fear of years past. I am able to reach out and to love, to give and I don’t have to worry. God will hold me when I need holding. He will send me out with strength and courage.
What is stopping “you” from a faith journey with the Lord? All you have to do is ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior in your heart. Did you know that? He will take you right where you are at.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you
Love
Janet