August 8, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

Love has been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about love a whole lot lately. Sometimes I marvel at how powerful love really is. “For God so loved the world that gave his only son, that whoever should believe in him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

I still find myself having a “talk” with my mother, even though she has been dead for years now. We were talking about our faith. For some reason, I have always been intrigued with the Crucifix. It is a Catholics symbol to remember Jesus. I was raised Presbyterian. My mother rolled her shoulders, sat up rigidly straight and in her “Gertrude” way she said, “Janet, we worship the risen Christ!”

To be honest, I began to understand my faith and grow in it when I started to look at the cross. When I looked, I saw so much. I also learned how Jesus truly suffered before he died. Many times as I prayed, I felt God directing me to the cross. I felt God saying “look.”

At first I focused on the nails. I could not imagine how it would feel to have nails pounded into my flesh. I wanted to cry when I thought about it. God kept teaching me about Jesus’ death though. I began to learn that those nails were hard but before the nails, Jesus dealt with so much pain.

Jesus’ friends ran off on him leaving Him to face the final hours alone. Jesus was whipped. Back then the whip had pieces of bone and glass tied to the ends. I learned recently that more than likely when they finished with the “scourging” Jesus’ backbone might have been showing – the bones! Mocked, I always thought that the soldiers just said mean things. No, not only did they say the mean things, they also beat Jesus. His face was disfigured. Next I think about the crown of thorns. Jesus was given a crown of thorns or rather the crown was thrust on his head and again he was made fun of. The thorns dug into his flesh and he was bleeding.

Jesus was hung up naked. Many times when I think about this I marvel that God loved us so much that He was willing to be naked about His love for us. Of course I think this After I feel repulsed about the thought of being naked for all to see.

Sometimes God takes me further. There Jesus is, dying on the cross. He loves His mother so much; he gives her to John, so that she will be provided for after He is gone. I also hear Jesus in all that pain say, “Father forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.” Around here, I begin to realize that sin is ugly to God. Even what I call a “little” sin is ugly. My white lies, my unkind words etc.

As I have walked through the scenes of the cross, I begin to see “love.” I begin to grasp that God loves me. ME! He loves me, the one whose children don’t like her. He loves me, the one who often talks too loudly. He loves, me, even though I am overweight. He loves me with my imperfections. His son, Jesus has now become the veil through which God sees me.

As I have grasped that I am loved….I find new strength. When I know that I matter, I can face so much more in life. God doesn’t take struggles away from me; He takes me through the struggle. When I get to the other side of struggles, I often look back and I am amazed at what I was able to come through. It wasn’t me though, it was God!

As I read through the Bible each year, I begin to see that God wants us. He truly wants us. He loves us. In the Garden, after Adam and Eve sinned, God kicked them out. A few years ago I realized that God not only kicked them out of the garden, He provided for them. He slaughtered an animal – a sheep I think. He provided clothes for Adam and Eve. God provided for them even though they sinned.

Again, I think, wow – God loves me, ME! Again I see me growing. So much of my pain has been released from me. God has taught me to forgive. God has taught me to give, to serve. When I do these things, with a genuine heart, I find peace.

I am able to love Junior. I am able to love my children – even though they don’t want me. I am able to love – because God first loved me. I have so much more courage because when I am loved, I just do.

Now that I know that I am loved, I am able to face life, the hard parts and the fun parts. I am learning to see God’s hand on me more often as well. As I struggled to overcome this past year and all my health issues, I learned to see God’s hand on me. There was Alex my cat loving on me. We felt called to move to Virginia, here I see God too. It’s the baby rabbit in the yard as I write or the crane standing majestically on the bank of the river. It is Emma our landlord loving me. Again I marvel that we are in a readymade community – friends from Michigan, my sister.

Again, I see that God has taught me to be thankful for what I do have. Being thankful has been so healing to. When I am thankful, I see what I do have and don’t focus on what I don’t have. Being thankful is another way I have felt loved by God.

God is teaching me to love, to not enable, or be a co-dependent, but to love in a healthy way.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet

P S – This love is available to anyone and that’s what I find amazing about God. He can make each one of us feel so precious and special. He loves us in the ways we need to feel loved. All you have to do is ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior in your heart.