August 1, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

I’ve been thinking about men and women – our roles, stuff like that. I keep thinking about a commercial several years back. In it is a woman. She has on a sexy dress, has a frying pan in her hands and a song that goes something like “Bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan.” The idea is that the woman can do anything she wants. She doesn’t need a man to do anything for her.

That is the myth my generation bought into. We had the birth control pill and we were free to marry, to have children or not when we wanted them and we did not need a man! I remember being infatuated by Mick Jager. He made himself look like neither a man nor a woman. I remember being infatuated with the idea that the genders could swap places, jobs etc.

I am starting to see the results of what we have done to ourselves. I am amazed at the number of women who have never had children. They went on to have fancy careers, things and had men when they felt like having a man in their life.

Many of us women also had children, worked outside the home and had fancy careers as well. Many women got divorced and raised their children without a husband around. They could provide decently for their children.

A lot of men today, in my generation, expected the woman to work outside the home. Both sexes wanted more stuff. Stuff is neat and for a moment pleases our senses. I remember wanting to stay home with the children but wound up going to work. I felt bad when the ice cream truck would come by and I did not have money to buy the kids an ice cream. Money was always very tight for us. My ex-husband did not make top dollar. I started to work part time. Later I found a full time job. After I went to work full time I found that we had a little extra cash flow. I remember buying a new dining room set. Next I was able to buy a newer couch and it felt real good.

I like to read the creation story. “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” God placed the man in the Garden and had him work the garden. Later God created Eve. When God had created the woman Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:23-24.

The more I think about this I believe that women were created to be helpers to their husbands, not to be in place of the men.

My Mom and Grandmother both had to work outside the home. Grandpa died leaving Grandma with my uncle. Mom was just out of high school when Grandpa died. My Dad had polio when we children were very small. Mom wound up working outside the home so that our family could eat. Mom was my Dad’s helpmate. She worked because Dad could not. Mom died at 64 – with smoking related problems. She stressed herself out and would not admit that her life wore on her.

To tell you the truth, I am starting to see what working outside the home is doing to the women of my generation. We are dying at the same rate as the men of previous generations. We have things like Fibromyalgia, etc. Many of us are now reaching retirement age and we are a mess. We are stressed out, tired and it is hard to get up and go like we want to.

Many of our children grew up as latch key children. They were left to fend for themselves after school, during summer breaks, etc. I did not have a latch key program for my children. The high school sitters I got were not always wholesome for my children either. I remember my son telling me in great detail about what the sitter was doing with her boyfriend. These sitters did not have the same values as I did.

The older I get, I am finding that “stuff” doesn’t make me happy either. For me, I felt I had “arrived” if I had a “mini-van”, a nice house in the suburbs, and nice furnishings for the house. I had this and to tell you the truth, I wasn’t overly happy for most of my life.

What makes me happy? I will tell you that relationships make me happy – not stuff. Junior and I are settling into a very small, but nice home. We have beauty all around us. Baby rabbits, deer roaming through our yard, a river to look at, to listen to, a wrap-around porch to sit and be quiet and still on and the wonderful sounds of nature floating into our lives. We are in relationships. We are getting close to my sister, to our friends from Michigan and to our Landlord. We are making our home cute; we have pretty curtains, nice area rugs, pictures of our life together. The best part for me is looking outside our windows. Right now I can look out and watch the river flow. The sun shines on it and it seems like diamonds are sparkling.

It seems that God created us to be in relationship. God is in relationship – Father, Son, Holy Ghost. It seems that God wanted to expand relationship and created “us.” When I allow myself to talk to God regularly, I find peace. When Junior and I talk – you know the heart to heart type of talk, I find myself being very content. My friends and I are able to get to that heart to heart type talk often as well. When I can do heart to heart often enough, I find life to be very good. Again, it is not the stuff, the pretty curtains, the fancy radio system, the type of car that truly makes me happy. It’s when I connect heart to heart.

What makes you happy?

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet