January 8, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

“Two shall become one.” I’m thinking about husband and wife, men and women type thoughts. This line has always been a puzzle to me. It also intrigues me. Somewhere deep inside of me I think I have always known there is a specialness of a man and a woman joined in marriage.

Another verse I often find comforting is “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” The three mean to me anyway, Father, husband and wife. As the couple weave themselves into God’s image, ways, they stand firmer and able to withstand the trials that life seems to offer each of us. The husband and wife are a team, I like that too. They work together for the common good.

As I went through Divorce Recovery I learned that in marriage the order should be, God, the relationship and life will settle in an orderly way after that. God always needs to be first. He then will guide the couple to love each other, their children and people after that. I have found this to be true. When I ask God to teach me to be what Junior needs, I am amazed at the lessons I learn. As I struggled through curb side shopping, lawn art and such, God kept pointing me to look at Junior’s heart. I discovered the tender heart my husband has. I also learned that I loved this man even more because of his wonderful heart.

I struggled for a life time to realize that men had feelings. I struggled to understand them period. They were an oddity to me. To me men had no feelings, were crass, crude and rude. My son brought the first inkling that males were different, not mean, crude and rude. The senior high boys were so sensitive. They struggled to ask a girl for a date, when the relationship went sour etc. Those boys were the second inkling I had that yes men were rough, tough and sometimes crude but also I saw tenderness, compassion and genuine concern as well.

I also knew on some level how much I wanted a man to protect me, to hold me tenderly, to look up to and to love me. I think God builds within each of us a desire to be loved and wanted. Women want to be cherished, men want to be respected. I love it when Junior will come to my rescue, sometimes it is a spider or sometimes it is when he firmly tells another person no on my behalf. Junior, he is so confident of my love lately that he will tell people that, “until I met him, I never had it so good, someone so wonderful.” Somewhere in there he feels my respect and awe of him as a man.

As we work on the house Junior loves when I will sit near him. I talk to him about life, about what he is doing. Sometimes I just sit quietly by him. He seems to love that I am near. I sense he loves making, doing for me. He likes fixing on the house so it is comfortable for me/us.

I never realized the gifts a man gives. Yes, I understand when I get flowers, but I am finding that I am often given gifts that aren’t in a wrapping of sorts. Junior loves to cut flowers out of the yard and brings them in to me. Often they are there when I get up in the morning. Junior enjoys opening the car door for me. He really likes to do it. He loves to bring me gifts from yard sales and such. Junior gives me gifts all the time.

If I was the sort that only wanted expensive, store bought gifts, then I would miss so many of Junior’s gifts that he gives me. When we were first married, I still was involved with the senior high teens. Sunday mornings, Junior would step behind me as I talked to the kids. He wanted me to do what I was gifted at and did not want to be center stage so to speak. Even in my writing, Junior wants me to be what God is creating me to be. He encourages me, listens to me as I read what I write. Junior wants my best and that feels ever so wonderful.

Junior recognizes my talents, my abilities and then encourages me in them. I have my strong points that I bring to this marriage. As Junior allows me to be me, I find a desire to allow Junior to be Junior. He brings a creative, tenderness to our marriage. Junior thinks outside the box. I think inside the box. We are very different people and yet we blend together in wonderful ways.

Junior likes to shoot guns, I’d rather not. I do though because he is willing to go for a walk, to go shopping etc. I find Home Depot to be much more fun these days because he is so willing to enter into things I love to do. As I move along in this marriage, I am finding that we are truly becoming one. It feels ever so wonderful to have someone who wants my best, who thinks I am the most beautiful, awesome gift in his life. The more I am loved on my terms, the more I want to meet and love Junior on his terms.

I believe that Junior sets the pace for our life and to be honest, I love it. As Eve was Adam’s helpmate, I am finding that I truly love being Junior’s helpmate. I truly love making sure we eat right, have the house in order and keep track of the details of our life. I love Junior’s big picture dreams. As we slowly get the house in order to live in, it is Junior who makes sure the wiring, the plumbing and the cosmetic changes happen. Once those are in order, I will decorate and try to make our home a comfort to him.

My question to you is, are you letting your man be the man God is creating him to be? Do you accept that he is not the same as you only different equipment?

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet

April 2, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

I’m thinking deeply of my spiritual journey. As I learned there was the sinner’s prayer and prayed it, I find upon hindsight that is the point where my life has really turned around. Part of that journey has been learning who the Holy Spirit is. In Sunday school, I often heard of Him, but I never grasped who He was or what He was. As I learned the ACTSS prayer format, I began praying first to God the Father, then to our Lord Jesus and then to the Holy Spirit. For me that was the only way I was going to figure who He is and meet Him.

Junior and I felt led to move to Virginia. We both started talking about the move at the same time. We were unhappy with the politics in Michigan and all of a sudden we felt we needed to leave. Once settling in Virginia we discovered that there was work we needed to do. We felt led to Haysi, then to Clintwood. We have a need to live our faith in our neighborhood. I felt led to write my book On the Way to Wholeness by Way of ACTSS. As I wrote the book and as I write my blog I often feel the words flowing out of me. Mostly I feel God directing me, the words.

As we were moving out of Haysi, we met B. She tells me often that she feels God sent us to her. She had been praying for a girlfriend and I felt real comfortable to her. I find her to be funny, caring and we both share the sting of abuse and we sometimes need to work through moments together. B and our income levels are at different ends of the spectrum. That’s a marvel about being in the church to me. Some of my friends are nurses, teachers, and doctors alongside of factory workers, unemployed people and the like. B has never asked for money. She tells me that she is not interested in my money and has never asked to borrow any. We just share friendship. I love it. I have acquaintances who tell me that B has only befriended me because I have money. I don’t see that in our relationship at all.

Most days I pray. I try hard to talk to God each day. At this stage in my life, I don’t want to not be close to God. In Jesus, I find hope residing in me. I find I have a purpose and I love having a purpose in life.

I pray, I read my Bible and in that I find my life moving along in love, a desire to please God. I’ve learned that the Holy Spirit is my teacher, my helper. For me to begin to understand and to get to know Him, I’ve started praying to Him directly. For me it was a way to put a “face” on Him.

Through the years, I found that I pictured God as a Father figure. I sort of saw Him and yet not really. The same way with our Lord Jesus, I could almost picture a face, a body and in that I felt the realness. The Holy Spirit was hard for me to understand until I started talking to Him as if He were my friend. I still don’t have a picture of Him, but I feel Him now.

My journey of faith is very real to me. Recently I had someone tell me that I can make my journey to Virginia and our life out here to be what I want it to be. To be honest, it would have been easier to stay in Michigan, find a condo and move across town or even to the other side of the state. As we felt led to move, we kept praying, we weren’t sure about this huge transition we were undertaking. We knew my sister and one couple from Michigan and that’s all. The weather isn’t a whole lot different than Michigan. If I had my way, I’d like to winter in Florida or Arizona. I’m not a huge fan of snow, ice and bitter cold.

We’ve found a home here that is a dream. It is a whole lot of work to make this house what our dreams are. Junior is having a blast working on it. I love all the potential that we will eventually have. Through the process of moving for the second time in two years, I have found myself coming out of depression. As I make new friends and befriend people who are in need, I feel whole and alive. I feel wanted, accepted and loved. My church family has surrounded me in such a wonderful loving way. All this confirms to me we are where God is directing us to be.

In the midst of all this, I sense the Holy Spirit leading me. He is there, I feel Him. Sometimes I marvel at what comes out of my mouth. I reflect later and think, “wow” did I just say that? Sometimes I make a friend like B or J next door and there is that “wow” feeling again. As I pray, sometimes I learn about what our Lord Jesus endured on the cross and I marvel.

One time Junior and I went to Westland Mall to pick up a crock pot. We got an ice cream and sat down on a bench to eat it. A lady sat next to us and she shared about her struggles in marriage. We talked about the hardship of divorce. We talked about a program to help marriages stay together at Ward. We felt we were led to this lady. It was not a fluke, it was God.

Unless you are in a faith journey, it is hard for others to understand. Our move may seem like we wanted it, made it up or whatever. Learning how to “hear” God and His direction is a life long journey. We miss the mark sometimes, sometimes we are spot on. The Holy Spirit is there to guide us and to me, that is a huge comfort. I also marvel that the Holy Spirit is so patient, especially when I don’t get it. He gently guides me until I do.

Do you have a desire that doesn’t make sense to you? Has someone talked to you about Jesus lately and you wonder why? It could be that the Holy Spirit is trying to guide you, open your eyes to God’s redeeming love through His Son Jesus.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet

January 1, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

Another New Year, why is it I feel such hope each New Year? I have a feeling that this year….fill in the blank. I don’t think I’m alone either. People do New Year’s resolutions. They have goals such as lose weight, stop a bad habit etc. We start the New Year with a lot of anticipation and excitement.

One of the things I try to do is look back at the previous year and ask “Am I closer to God than I was at the start of the last year?” It is a time of reflection and in that I begin to formulate the goals for the next year. I learned this precious lesson from a Minister, teacher that led my Sunday school class for many years.

I also look at life with “hope” again. Hope is what helps me get out of bed and out the door. Without hope, I find I’d like to curl up in a ball and not participate in life at all. Many years ago now I had a period of time where I did not want to get out of bed or off the couch. I found myself sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me. I had lost hope. Marriage was not what I thought it was to be, my kids needed more than I knew how to give, I lost hope, all sense of being needed wanted etc.

I eventually worked my way out of that despair. It took me a while, but I found a reason to move through life. Grandma, she sensed my deep pain. When I’d see her she told me often that I needed to quit thinking “those” thoughts. Her eyes lit up so big whenever I came to visit. She truly enjoyed me. That helped me tons.

I went through life after that, one day at a time. I found a job and the people there were so helpful. They showed me I was precious, wanted even intelligent. I started growing and feeling productive and wanted and it felt awesome. Eventually my marriage ended. That was hard, yet I also knew that I could move forward. I met Junior, boy he thought I was beautiful. He was so excited when I let him hold my hand, when we kissed the first time and he was thrilled when I said “yes,” when he asked me to marry him.

Junior encouraged me to deepen my faith walk. He encouraged me to read my Bible and he told me that I needed to put God first in my life – a wonderful and precious lesson. As I learned to love God, to find out who God was, I found hope residing within me all the time. I found myself facing life for the first time in my life with “hope.” I found that I am truly wanted. I discovered that was a feeling I’d had and never knew how to name. I had felt un-wanted a whole lot. With Jesus though, I felt wanted, valued and even lovely. Junior mirrored these things to me. He was constantly showing me I was beautiful. The man loves my long nose, the nose I was made fun a whole lot. He thinks I’m beautiful even with weight on. He thinks I’m smart and is not threatened by it.
As we moved through life, I had hope. I didn’t care if I was liked by everyone. Jesus wanted me and that is all that mattered. As I came to retirement, I struggled with many issues at one time. I never fully re-gained my energy after I had cancer. I began to have health problems, hypoglycemia, and arthritis in my neck. These were a struggle to learn how to live with. I had a fight with a loved one where a split seemed to be what was needed. We decided we needed to move to another state. We did. In all of that I began to lose sight of hope. It was all I could do to face the next round of life changing events.

I was falling asleep all day long and sleeping all night. I loved to sit on the couch, looking at Facebook, reading e-mails. Housework, I had pretty much given up on that. Going for a walk was a major challenge. Me who loves to walk did not even want to walk. I had a scare, I had break through bleeding and needed to get that dealt with. I met a wonderful doctor. She helped me face that struggle. That problem was resolved and we moved onto life in general. I mentioned to her my tendency to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. She took some blood and everything checked out fine – such a relief. She suggested I see a counselor.

As I move through counseling, I once more realized that I had lost all sense of “hope.” I began to believe the people in my life who thought I was negative, self absorbed, too talkative and the list goes on. I heard only my flaws and never once gave thought to my talents and abilities. I had lost sight that I am a child of God and a child of the King and in that I am precious, just the way I am. That is what I love about God. He loves me the way I am, right where I am. Until I am loved and accepted where I am, I find it hard to change. With that wonderful love though, I have courage to face my flaws, my defects. I am able to change if God asks me to. I also learn we are not all the same.

God has called me to do many things, write a book, be Junior’s wife, move, to let go of relationships at times and to reach out to those God puts me in contact with. When I am doing what I am called to do…..I find hope residing within me again. I cannot “just do it.” God doesn’t want me to be that way. He has made me to be a questioner, that’s ok. I do talk a lot, that’s ok too. In talking, I find my mind exploring, in exploring, I find a need to write what I am learning. At this point again, I realize I am to write, to share what I’ve learned. Another person is to “just do it.” That is ok too. God did not make us all the exact same way that is the beauty of God. We are all members in Christ. One is a hand, another a nose and still another a foot.

I’ve had a few comments that I am negative about my life, my family etc. I try to be honest, respectful but honest. For me to pretend life was ok because Mom and Dad are gone is closing the door. I can’t close doors. God has had me look into the layers of life. He made me that way. I respect those that can close the doors, for me though, I can’t.

I respect what my parents went through. Dad was abused terribly. His anger of being abused, having polio played itself out on us kids. I was able to reconcile my hurt with Dad before he died. I am ever grateful we were able to overcome the hardness of life. Mom on the other hand, I shut the door for most of my life. I am sad because I never got to “work” through things I should have and now it is harder since she is gone.

Again I have a deep respect for my parents. They dealt with a lot of horrible things. I am amazed at what they accomplished. As I get older I begin to look back all the way to Adam and Eve. Sin entered into the world and ever since each generation has to work through life and its hard knocks.

My oft asked question comes to mind again. Is there someone you need to forgive? I also want to ask, where is your hope? One last question, are you closer to Jesus than a year ago?

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet

December 25, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

Can you believe that it is Christmas already? It seems that only yesterday was the first of the New Year and now…..it is Christmas again. My time does fly by. For Christians today is a day we celebrate the birth of our Savior. God provided a way for us to be reconciled with Him through His Son. To me it is pretty heavy duty thinking.

Next my mind wonders again, how we teach all of this to our children, to un-believers etc. A faith journey at times is so hard to understand and to explain. A faith journey is just that “faith.” That too is hard to comprehend. How do we make the gift of Jesus real so others may accept this precious gift?

When my children were young we tried for a few years anyway to take the focus off of all the gifts. We had the kids prepare a time of reflection and tried to get them to focus on Jesus first. We wanted them to give to others at this time. They came to the reflection time sharing acts of kindness’ they had done during the year, the Advent season. The kids rose to that challenge and presented their “offerings” to us as they shared. They also came up with a worship time of reflection. I was so proud that they were willing to wait before opening their gifts and to spend time with us in reflection.

When our Grandchildren came along for a few years we would come with a birthday cake for Jesus. First we read the Scripture in a children’s Bible of Jesus’ birth. Next we lit candles and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. The kids seemed to enjoy it. We attempted to introduce a deeper meaning to just opening up a bunch of presents and the kids responded well to this.


One year we thought it would be neat to bring balloons and have Happy Birthday written on them. Our thought was to send them into the air, symbolizing our gratitude. We never did do this, we weren’t sure if the message would have been confusing for the kids. Part of me still likes the idea part of me is unsure if the message would have been received.

How do we convey our faith, our belief in something that can’t be seen, touched etc? My faith journey is real, I feel Jesus in my life all the time. He holds me when I am hurting. I feel His hugs at times. When I sit on the porch, I see God’s creation, I realize over and over that we are not a fluke of nature, we are created and God is the creator. How do I explain all of this? I can trust that God will give me words, help as I need it and He does.

Each generation must find Jesus. We can’t be saved because our parents were. Each generation tends to have to discover Jesus, the gift of the cross and the need for salvation. Some people come to faith as children, they understand early on. Me, I did not get the message the understanding of Jesus until I was in my 40’s. I was at the lowest point in my life, I was divorced and I had lots of pain. It is at that point I met Jesus. I found myself praying and crying and slowly I found myself praying the sinner’s prayer asking Jesus to forgive me and then to enter into my heart. He did and my faith journey has been mind boggling ever since.

Since inviting Jesus to come live with me….I have had wonderful days and I still have days where life hurts. Now though, I have hope. Hope is what helps me get out of bed in the morning. Hope helps me walk out the front door. Hope is definitely now and I have a hope for my future as well. That feels good. When we die…we go somewhere. If we have confessed our sins, asked Jesus into our hearts…..heaven awaits us. If not, then eternity will be forever painful.

For me, the cross was the turning point in my faith. I always felt that the cross was barbaric. Why would God use such a mean torture especially for His only Son? As God taught me to pray through the last hours of Jesus’ life, the cross….I began to see the need for redemption and I was never going to be good enough. I began to understand that I could never be perfect and that Jesus willingly came to this sin infested world so He could unite us to a perfect God. Pretty amazing stuff when I began to open my heart, my mind to this gift.

Jesus willingly left the Father’s side for a period of time. He allowed Himself to be born of woman. He allowed Himself to walk among us….sinful as we are. Jesus was also ultimately going to the cross and dying a horrible and awful death for us. We were born with choice, pretty amazing to me. We have the choice to believe in God’s great love, that He would send His only begotten Son, that whoever shall believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. Simple in a way, believe in Jesus, accept the gift of the cross, confess our sins, that’s all we have to do. In that we then are allowing God to work in us and make us over. If we do not accept this gift then we have a horrible eternity waiting for us – separated from God, from His love. So simple and yet hard, how do we teach this to our children, to non believers? For me….I find hope….I find peace and an acceptance. I have people who really don’t like me….so distressing at times. I feel un-wanted a whole lot. God then sends people in my life, Junior, M, K, and my Sunday school class, P, B…..so many wonderful people who accept me. They all tell me in their own special way, that I am precious, I am loved I am useful and in that I am able to get up and face the day.

This Christmas I’d like to ask you to enter into the Father’s presence. How you may wonder? Well, first confess you are a sinner – a precious lesson. Next ask for forgiveness and then ask Jesus into your heart. Simple and not, when you do this and invite Jesus, you are then allowing God to lead you, direct you. A church family is so helpful in this journey, reading your Bible is important and of course prayer.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet

December 18, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

Lately my thoughts tend to take me toward “entering into another’s joy.” For me to enter into someone’s joys and sorrows is natural. I have a tendency to feel right along with people in general when they are going through life. I am finding out that not everyone enters into another’s joy or sorrow. There are moments where sharing life is a wonderful feeling and I want others to feel what I am feeling. The sorrows of life also feel good when someone steps beside you. I don’t feel alone, I have more courage to face the hour if someone is willing to walk down my path with me.

My book comes to mind. For me it took a lot of courage to write what I believe, to share it with complete strangers. I was willing to do the uncomfortable so that hopefully someone who feels no hope would find the hope that helps me face each day. In many ways, I put myself out there. I share my story from my perspective, at times in the past other’s have indicated that my story is not true, was in my head. So for me to share is a little scary. I also have those that want doors shut and don’t want to see what went on. Opening that door may mean they deal with things they don’t want to face.

Agape love comes to mind once more. Agape love has been such a wonderful thing to learn. That means I need to seek another’s highest good. For me Agape love means to enter into another’s life, the good, the bad and the ugly parts of life. I can’t do it with everyone or all the time. I do try to do it often. I need to discern the times and events to enter into. Abuse situations are hard for me to do at times. I feel at times when I should pull back and love with a little more distance.

I remember one time with my grandson. I was watching him at his house. I went over there and he wanted to play outside. I went with him and he wanted to play good guys and bad guys. Of course play guns were part of the game. I followed him around. It was precious he would hide and stick his head out cautiously to see if the bad guy was near. I could almost feel how real it felt to him. I had entered into his game. This gave me an opportunity to see what was important to him, to know him a little more. I had entered into his life so to speak.

I had a co-worker who found out she was pregnant just before I retired. She told me before anyone else in the department. That was precious to me. She had allowed me to know something so precious to her before word got out. For me, I got to watch out for her some, to share in her morning sickness moments. I also got to play Mom by giving her my wisdom, my advice. I had entered into her joy and loved it.

I had a friend who had breast cancer before I did. I prayed for her, I loved her from a distance at times. When I found I had breast cancer, I went to this friend and told her. She stepped beside me and we shared a bond not everyone understands. After she had breast cancer, she had uterine cancer. I remember her at church one day. I saw her going through the motions and I sensed she wasn’t fully entering into each conversation. She was holding back something. When her friends left to go sit down, I went to her and asked her if everything was ok. She asked me how I knew something was wrong. I told her I sensed it. She had another tumor, didn’t want to tell her husband because he was going to meet his son and was hoping for reconciliation. She wanted him focused on his son and not her at this moment. She was scared. I had entered into her fear. I called her the next day. I prayed for her. I entered into her fear and I tried to walk beside her for a time anyway. As her husband came to know, then I stepped back. I continued to love her, pray for her. This precious friend eventually died, that was hard. I loved her like she was my mother.

M and K, are friends that have been with me for decades now, we’ve stepped into each other’s lives and have shared, have laughed and have cried together. They hold me when I hurt. I hold them when they hurt. We step into and out of each other’s lives frequently. There is something very wonderful when we can share life, all aspects of life together. When my nephew died M and another friend came to help out with our children. They brought them home, bathed them, fed them and talked with them about all the sorrow we were going through as a family. They were willing to enter into my families sorrow. K when my Dad died brought me Junior mints at the funeral home. When my Mother died, my niece was there and coned the candy from me. It was precious. My friend knew that those candies were what comforted me in my pain and made sure I had some comfort. As I struggled with being divorced and my Ex was near, she held me, spoke soothingly to me. I have gotten through a lot of junk in life because these women have entered into my joy, my sorrow, my life.

Junior and I also enter into each other’s joy, sorrow, life in general. I hear this phrase from him frequently, “When I was a kid, no one believed in me.” At that moment I try my hardest to enter into his pain. He has felt the sting of rejection a whole lot for various reasons. I try hard to always be seen with him, to accept him warts and all. It is important to him that I will take him as he is. When I do this, he feels loved, wanted, believed in.

As I end this, I’d like to invite you to “enter into another’s life”. It is hard at times, no fun and at other times there is much joy in doing so.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet

December 11, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

It is the Christmas season and soon we will be with friends and family and on occasion, with people we don’t particularly care to see. As much as the holidays are a fun time and time to connect with special people in our lives we also deal with those who are shall we say marginal in our thoughts.

The thing I love about being a follower of Jesus Christ is that He loves us each one as if we are the neatest thing since sliced cheese. In our day to day lives we struggle with those who are not so fun to be around. So how do we deal with those who are trying to our very core? That is the 64,000 dollar question.

Junior and I are very surprised at how much we love living out in the country. I am totally surprised that we have been able to adjust to life out in the country. I am amazed at the very diverse type of people out here. One of the first things I noticed is the housing out here. On one lot will be a beautiful home and right next door will be a rundown ramshackle home. I am consistently amazed at two diverse neighbors living side by side. When I meet people at church, at the grocery etc., I find that I do not know which type of home these people live in. I also am not able to tell a whole lot by the way they dress. People are casual in their dress. The more I am here, the more I appreciate not knowing their social status. I am not judged, I am not considered eccentric. I am accepted as I am. That means a whole lot to me. If I befriend a person who is different than me, I am also not judged. If you are an on the fringe type of personality, people tend to take you as you are. I don’t feel the judgment feelings I knew in the suburbs.

My church family tends to wrap their hearts around me. I can be silly, honest, whatever and I am always accepted and I even feel love from these wonderful ladies. Junior is also accepted as he is. His gruff, off the wall ways are accepted with love, not with judgment. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I also find myself loving those who are worlds apart different to me is such a wonderful feeling. I am learning to accept people right where they are at, which is what I find when I walk with Jesus. He takes me where I am and slowly I find myself being transformed into a new creation. Until I have been accepted warts and all, it is hard to grow out of dysfunction.

So we settle into a new home, another neighborhood so to speak. Our neighbors have already started welcoming us, loving us and allowing us to love them back. Slowly we are meeting them, some are contractor’s working on our home, other’s are walking by for an afternoon or evening walk. They all seem to say “hi”, welcome to our neighborhood. Not once have I felt like, “you don’t belong.”

I guess my point this Christmas season is maybe it is time to let go of attitudes you may be holding onto in regards to those who you will deal with and aren’t fond of. Maybe by letting go of an attitude, you may allow a healing for the other person to come out. Again in Jesus, I have found such a wonderful sense of love. He takes me warts and all and loves me. In that love….I find the strength to move away from hurt, anxiety and even depression. When I reach out and love people where they are at, I’ve been given a blessing. I find myself starting to love outside of my comfort zone.

It is like the mission trips I’ve done. I often find those that I’ve gone to help are really teaching me, loving me and giving me so much more than I’ve given them. Again God seems to show me to let go of strong holds and as I let go, He shows me a love, a tenderness that astounds me. I also learn that I am stronger than I believed I thought I was. He shows me I can walk away from situations, life struggles, even addictions. On my own, in no way could I have done a lot of what I have done, write a book, be married and enjoy a marriage, make new friends. In Jesus though, I find I can do so much more than I have ever dreamed possible.

My friend B down here, at first, I thought I was just being the face of Jesus. The more she comes around though, I find a precious new friend. I am so grateful that I put on the blinders because I would have never seen past her hurt and pain. Now I see a wonderful new friend, someone who will teach me to cook with a southern flare. I see an intelligent woman and her first encounters with me I would never have allowed her intelligence a chance to be brought out. We also share the sting of abuse and in that we have held each other where no one else would have understood.

This Christmas season I ask you to put on the blinders to people’s eccentric ways. You will be surprised at what you may meet and begin to know.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet

December 4, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

Did you know it takes the average abuse victim 8 try’s to leave the abuse situation? Did you know that the person abused may not know how to parent their children? Did you know that even though the abused may not have liked what they grew up in, they may repeat the abuse because they don’t know any different way to handle life? Did you know that even though you can’t imagine yourself entrenched in abuse that it crops up on you and you are enmeshed in it before you know it? Did you know that most kids blame the mother for the abuse that went on in the home? They feel she should have gotten them out of that mess. They don’t understand that Mom did not always know how to get out. They do not understand that even though Mom sounded tuff, she was not. She sounded tuff trying to get the courage to really leave.

More than I’d like to admit to it, I heard, “I never.” People were quick to point out my lack of intelligence because I found myself in the middle of the craziness of anger and abuse and lashing out. It took me years to even comprehend that there were other ways of handling life. When Dad pounded on me as a kid and then I found myself enmeshed in anger and lashing out and being lashed back at that there was a different way to handle life.

Through counseling I began to see that I did not have to tolerate such a life style. Jesus has taken me even further….to be honest….I don’t get that angry anymore. I do struggle with people being displeased with me….more counseling and I’m coming along again.

When I entered into counseling the first time, people told me that I should not admit that I needed the aid of a counselor. It was a sign of weakness. My job at the bank was a turning point in my life. As I worked alongside those wonderful people, I had examples, I had people who believed in me, I had friends who cared and gently guided me. In the process I began to learn to stand up for myself, to quit accepting anger as a way of life. I learned I could say “no” and still be liked at the end of the day.

In this marriage, there has never, I repeat never been on incidence of lashing out verbally or physically. We do get frustrated with each other. We on occasion have had to have some serious discussion about the other’s way of being. The anger and abuse is not what I knew previously. I feel extremely safe with Junior. I trust him with my life and to be honest, that feels wonderful.

The Christmas season is upon us. For many this is a very tense time. Holidays, funerals and what have you tend to be hot bed moments for anger to rise up and abuse to happen. I know when my kids were little I so wanted it to be a precious time. I tried to bake. I love a house that has the smell of good food in it. I wore myself out with baking, making art projects to give to the family etc. I needed to learn that a “hallmark” Christmas was a TV moment not necessarily reality. I needed to learn that maybe a few less might have really been more for the kids to enjoy.

I remember going to my mother-in-law’s and she was baking up a storm at Christmas. In my own way, I wanted to be like her. I remember wishing I had that as I grew up and I wanted to give this to my children. I truly loved her spotless clean house and I wanted to give that to my children. What I needed to learn was that I was not my mother-in-law. I could learn from her and at times repeat her way of doing, but I was a different generation and life was not the same for me as it was for her.

I miss that woman so very much. I wish I realized the precious lessons she gave me. I loved her sitting me down and teaching me to be a wife. I loved her telling me to work alongside my husband as projects were being done around the house. I loved it when she taught me to can applesauce, make pickled beets and even make stuffed cabbage.

One of the precious thoughts I have had the last few years is Jesus’ birth. He was born to a teenage mother. He was born in a stable; a feeding trough for the animals was his first bed. His family had to move to Egypt because Pharaoh wanted Him killed. The very first Christmas, was not a “hallmark” Christmas. It did not have wonderful aromas wafting through the house. In fact it had the smell of a barn. Jesus got gifts; gifts that helped the family leave and live in a foreign land. He did not have gifts piled to the ceiling.

As I ponder this, I realize that Jesus grew up. We love the little baby picture, but He grew up. He was a friend to the lost, the lonely, and the hopeless. He taught us who God the Father is. He showed us how to pray, to make God the center of our lives. He ultimately went to an awful death, not a pleasant die at home in bed type of death. He was abused cruelly and He died on a cross. Whenever I get to this point, I feel such a wonderful sense of hope deep inside of me. He did not stay in the grave, He rose from the dead. He now is alive in heaven and sitting on the Father’s right hand side.

This Christmas, I want to ask you to accept the cross, the birth, the death, the life of Jesus. I want to ask you to take it into your heart, to confess your sins and to allow Jesus, to come live inside of you.

This is the hope I have.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet