October 31, 2017

Greetings My Friend,


In the midst of grieving after my divorce I found myself pondering my death, I was not thinking of suicide but rather about my burial. At the end of my life I had always felt that I would be buried near my husband maybe near his or my parents. Since we were not Catholic's more likely near my parent's. In my mind I felt that being buried near family would give my life a definition for future generations in the aspect of family burials as they looked at the years of each of the family member's much like I do when I visit cemeteries, especially very old ones. Years later I wonder why that mattered but at the time it was very important to me and I felt even more alone. As I am ending the book of Revelations I find a hope for the believer, a hope that resounds deep in my soul much like the depth of my feeling lost if I died and was buried alone somewhere only I have a sense of excitement instead of deep sadness. Through out the Bible I have read statements that God often said to the effect of " They will be my people and I will be their God." While reading those statements I felt a sadness in the tone of the words, a loss by God and a longing for us to come to Him fully with our hearts. Through the years I started longing to be close to God, I want to make Him happy with me, I also long to introduce Jesus to as many people as I am able to. My faith journey has and still is teaching me the many ways for us to share the Good News of the Gospel, I used to be afraid to tell the Good News, mainly when I was more of a cultural Christian trying to be PC. When I began my faith journey in earnest I felt if I said "Jesus" in as many situations as I could I was giving the "Good News". God continued to grow my faith, our church in Michigan taught us ways to "witness" to testify or to tell our story of how Jesus has affected our lives. I was encouraged to write out my testimony which at that point was about being divorced and finding new life again, I usually told about how God is a God of 2nd, 3rd etc. chances. Then I had cancer, a huge painful part of my life has been how my children are not in my life like I long for them to be with my daughter walking away altogether and my son shows up here and there and at this point I believe we have worked out the pain of dysfunctional living. One day my good friend Marilyn mentioned that I saw myself as a mother when it came to me I needed to re-identify who I thought I was. That helped and I still loved being a mother and grandmother, I have reshaped who I see myself as these days, I am Junior's wife a role I love, we have fur children whom we treat more like grandchildren and I am grateful God nudged us to move to Virginia, had a little shih tzu bark at our door and let her in. She was pregnant gave birth to 6 puppies, one died, two were given away and we started growing our family of rescues. We have found a community of believers to worship with, made some close friends. Throughout this process I had continued to be fatigued and struggled with other minor health issues and finally was diagnosed with Parkinson's. In each phase of my life since my divorce God has helped me cope, I had opportunities to serve Him and life is good even though I am a broken woman. The journey of life has been worth it because God takes me by the hand and enters into each situation with me not taking it away from me and I feel a sense of accomplishment in over coming. I also find that I can relate to other people in many ways such as abuse, cancer, children not wanting to be in my life, broken relationships, being married to a man who is not exactly like me and on and on. At the end of life we want to hear "Well done good and faithful servant." In Revelation at the end my heart filled with joy as I read "And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads." I felt I will be marked by God then and now. I could feel the Holy Spirit quote back to me the text, " Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life and may enter in through the gates into the city." And I felt "peace that passes all understanding," my life is not what is here in this age but about the age to come. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet