July 1, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

I am a person who has struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my life. Depression can consume you until all you see and feel is a deep blackness in a hole so wide you begin to think you will never ever come out of it. Having been abused was more than likely where my depression began and I learned how to be a victim instead of fighting to get away from the abuse. As a child I figured all families went through what our family did. I have worked extremely hard to walk away from depression throughout my lifetime by reading all kinds of self-help books and going into counseling. I made the biggest leap toward gaining strong mental health after my divorce when I gave my life over to Jesus. I also stayed in counseling after the divorce that my ex and I had started prior to the marriage ending. I had a wonderful older gentleman for a counselor who was Christian and He started teaching me how to give my fears over to Jesus.  My doctor has helped me find many of my health issues which has also helped my mental health along with giving me medication to help quiet my depression and anxiety. I was anxious when my health kept declining until my doctor and I got me back on stable ground for the most part. The last struggle was my gait issues which kept getting worse for 5-6 years until I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. The medication has helped my gait issues tremendously, I was needing a wheelchair to get around when we went out, today I use a walker. I am struggling with a support group that seems depressed about their disease to the point of anger because they feel their life has been cut short. I have mourned my loss of energy, stable walking and all the other things associated with PD. Through it all God showed me my life is not over, that He has work for me to do and He has shown me my life can be full and rich even though I shake, walk off in a strange direction, trip and fall. Medication has quieted the tremors, the spasms and other symptoms as well. I have learned to sew, to keep house in a broken body, to write and so much more. I still have fears of how Junior and I will take care of ourselves since we are both disabled and somehow I know God will take care of this need as well. I am sad to see other PD patients struggling and angry because a cure is not coming quick enough. I find myself pulling away because I sense this group does not know what hope is and when I offer the hope I have in Jesus, I sense they are not interested in hope. We can bemoan what is wrong with us or we can find how to live with what we have and enjoy our lives. If I can't live in hope, I will fall back into that dark hole so I will celebrate what I am able to do each stage of my disease knowing that God's got this. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet