March 16, 2017

Greetings My Friend, I feel a new level of "Be still and know that I am God" growing in me. I have a mind that rarely shuts down and it goes a hundred miles a second so learning to be still in my thoughts has been a huge process to learn. Radiation for cancer took me to my first stage of stillness because I was so tired all I could do is sleep or lay awake staring at nothing until sleep overtook me again. I grew in quieting my mind through that process and through the years I have settled down. Recently I finished the process of learning to let go of relationships and as I have let go and let God, I am feeling a quietness within me. I was talking to my life long friend Marilyn recently and I was explaining this quietness to her and I could feel the quietness as we spoke. The search to be loved, to be wanted and to be accepted is over. I have found all that in my relationship with Jesus. I don't have the need to be excessively silly to deflect any anger that may be coming towards me, I don't need to fit into a certain social group and I find I genuinely like who I am. With all those restrictions I placed on myself now gone I find I can love living in the present. It seems that God has laid certain passages on my heart the shape He wanted it to be in "But the fruit of the Spirit is love,joy,peace,patience,kindness,goodness,faithfulness,gentleness,self-control;against such things there is no law." God took me through each of these things until I started to imprint them on my heart. I had very little patience so God placed me in all kinds of situations where I had to learn to be patient with people who were slower than I was mentally as much as physically. I learned to let the person finish their thoughts instead of finishing their sentences for them. I learned use self control when I wanted to control a situation where I should roll with the situation and on through the list God took me. I found myself learning that we all are not at the same place in our faith walk at the same time and that was okay. Next I found myself focused on the love chapter in the Bible 1 Corinthians 13 " Love is patient and kind; loves does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hope endures all things." God was teaching me what love looks like and how to love the way He loves me. I learned "it is not all about me." I have had a problem with making life all about me and this was with me as a young child because my siblings were telling me that to me all the time. And later as an adult I had a tendency to ask questions about something I was struggling with like my computer at work when the IT person was working with another person in my area. The more I felt God's love the less inclined I felt the need to make life about me. God did teach me to use my story to tell of His goodness in my life and I still do this a lot. Along the way I grew in hope and faith when one day God taught me the last sentence in 1 Corinthians 13 "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I was learning to grow in faith and hope which before this point I had what I now call wishing and no real hope. I was starting to believe the promises of God and this passage was teaching me to look at my heart first and then look at other peoples heart. For me the heart message is Agape love or seek another person's highest good. This piece has made the greatest impact on my life. I had to be honest in what I wanted for other people and not seek my needs of them. I had to be honest when honesty was scary because I might be rejected. God teaches me to please Him and find my need in only Him. He will give me my needs not my wants. I have cut the last needy cords in my life and in this I find great peace and contentment. I feel comfortable with the woman God is creating me to be and I even like her, when others don't like me I believe it is their loss because I am special. I am sure I have more things to grow through before my time on earth is gone and I have faith that God will give me the hope of a better day in His wonderful love. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet