December 31, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I think the best thing that happened this year is I was finally diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. I have a name to what is going on with my body, I am able to focus my energy on the types of things that will help me live to the best of my ability instead of trying things that do not work and wears me out tremendously I now am able to exercise and I sense the rewards of my exercising instead of being constantly exhausted. Dementia can be a part of PD as well, I have learned that it is important to keep my mind active, focused on things. I have learned it is important to be involved in things and with people. The awesome part of all these things to be as healthy as I can with PD is I love exercising my mind and my body. I feel my muscles are responding so much better and my love of learning is allowing me time to study the Word, to write and share my faith journey. My social life seems to be attending church and going to doctor's appointments. I have a few phone friends, a few on line friends and of course a few physical friends that I am able to keep up with in person. I have known for roughly 2 months so I feel I am growing in this disease at this point. Right now the fight is in me to want to beat this disease, more than likely the day may come I will give up the fight for now though I fight. I think added to all of these steps for PD health I believe I need to have spiritual health and the only way to do that is to walk daily with Jesus. I have been researching new study ways and I have started one of them which is mapping. I am learning to make squares on a page of material I am reading, from the squares I may draw a line and write another thought, by doing this I find the material staying with me. Junior decided to give back the bills to me, he discovered his weakness in spending so he thinks I will be able to get us under control and stay there. Time will tell. I have learned that I can no longer get caught up in drama and I have told some of the people in my life that I am no longer able to enter into it anymore. I find that I am in a fight like I have never been in to live as well as I can which means I need to focus on "me". I still care and I will do what I can but I can not promise that I will be dependable "Janet" anymore. I plan on not pushing myself so if I made plans and exhaustion, general illness overtakes me I will more than likely not follow through with the plan. I learned much when I thought I had Chiari Malformation like invisible illness' the struggle that they bring so I am thankful for what I have learned. I believe that I have a few of the Chiari symptom's and I see that I have struggled with them throughout my life. I am lucky that I do not have the CSF pressure that many do and my heart breaks for them, I have learned more when I was told I had ataxia which has taught me to use a walking stick to help me balance, I have hand grips on a door frame so that I can do some of my exercises holding onto something and I have learned of things I can buy to help me like utensils for those with tremors and equipment that keeps me from falling out of bed. At this point all the information gathering is helping, allowing me to cope while God is giving me the strength to face the frightening disease of PD. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 29, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I notice that some people get caught up in all that they don't have and how their struggle is overwhelming them. It is easy to see the things you don't have and think you should have that you miss all the things God has provided. I am finding that this thinking is stinking thinking because it only makes you more depressed. For me the thankful journal helped a lot writing 5 things I am thankful for each day. I started to see that my situation is not as bad as I had made it out to be in my mind. Once I had gotten used to rewiring my thinking the thankfulness of what I did have consumed me much more and I work hard at thanking God for all I do have for all He has done for me and I stayed grounded in thankfulness. Another thing I am learning is getting outside of myself instead of working hour after hour on my problem, if I reach out to help someone else, find something to take my mind off of the wrong I feel is in my life I begin to walk away from the struggle. When I was divorced I wanted to stay in bed and sleep so I would not have to face the failure I felt I was. I wanted to hide in my house nursing the anger and fear I felt but God pushed me to seek help. I was in counseling and stayed there, I went to workshops for the divorced and I volunteered my time. When I was with other people I was able to put on my brave face and by reaching out to others in need I found that anger leaving me, by pushing myself to be with others I learned to have confidence. Sometimes I felt that people close to me should be around more and do more with me, they chose to not come close which was hard to cope with but eventually I began to develop new friends that became close to me and helped me on my journey through divorce. I learned I was thankful for where my life was heading, I was thankful to see that there was life and I was living it fully. I was finding that God's Word was speaking to me, teaching me and eventually I felt complete in Jesus. I started stilling myself to listen and then do. This Christmas that was my lesson learning to be still and to listen to Jesus. The holiday's used to mean family and friends and rounds of activity and then they became sad with fewer activities to attend. I resented it, cried about it and then this year I found comfort in the quiet less hectic pace. I discovered the only Christmas decoration I wanted was a manger scene and a cross displayed on my mantle. Junior and I chose not to do any Christmas shopping, we were sensing that the hustle and bustle of Christmas was not honoring to God. Christmas Eve came we went to church and worship filled me as I listened to Pastor Joe's sermon, took communion and my walker got stuck because the aisle was too narrow for it to fit through. When I sat down I had a quiet internal conversation going on which was turning the situation into a major story to tell and how I felt the whole congregation was watching me. As I thought about being humiliated I felt God's whisper telling me about Jesus' moment of humiliation. After that I noticed my internal drama turned to see that in my struggle Marshall saw my need and lifted my walker up above the pews, carried it back to my seat, Gwen had me balance on her arm so I could walk down the side aisle and God had provided for my needs. Next God entered my thoughts showing me how other's reached out to me and that my thinking "it is better to give than to receive was not always true. Sometimes being in need so another can reach out and minister is good. I could not have come to this new learning without slowing down, absorbing myself in God's Word and asking God to teach me to be still and know He is God. This year for Christmas holiday sharing we had dinner with our friends Debbie and Boogie who are like family to us, Brenda and Jeremiah came by and my son called me. In Jesus I was able to worship deep inside. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 27, 2016

Greetings My Friend Christmas is now past for this year and our minds turn toward the end of this year, the beginning of the New Year. For me I begin to reflect back on the year and view my faith journey and my relationships. This year's longing for family has faded and I am finding a new comfort in my faith walk, a personal one on one with Jesus in the quiet of my life. Throughout the year God has been showing me that I have become part of the family of God and it feels good. Certain words in the Bible spoke to me frequently this year and I saw them for insistence I saw "Spirit" a lot more and the reality struck me that God is Spirit so relating to Him I must meet my spirit more so and I believe I am in that process right now. It was hard moving from the flesh to the spirit in me but in reality all that is of God is truly in the spirit of man. My flesh loves to have a lot of people around me, to immerse myself into all the latest fashion, gadgets and such. Those things are truly fun at times and I admit that I love getting into a cold truck during the winter and feeling the warmth of heat on my back from the seat heaters. Except one day I tend to wake up and notice that heat in the seats is nice but it isn't filling that deep void in me. The only way that deep void is filled is walking away from all the things of the flesh and searching, seeking and allowing God to fill the void. Slowly over many years I am finding that it is okay to spend quiet holiday afternoons at home doing much of what I do throughout the week like cooking a healthy meal, an afternoon nap and a bit of sewing or crafting. I felt that void moving away from me as I dehydrated food for this winter all summer and working up the ability to make 2 meals a day. I have found a family of believers who allow me to love them, to share my life's journey with. Many are in the church I go to and we encourage each other giving strength to part and go into the world with the Good News of Jesus only to meet again to encourage, to share our faith journey with. I find joy seeing some of the youth from my past that are now adults living in the faith of Jesus. I see it by the way they raise their children and the values they share as believers in Jesus. We connect sometimes with an encouraging word here and there. I also am in a faith journey with some friends on line that I have never met and we share our struggles with health and with our faith. I am amazed at how quietly this all crept up on me. In the midst of my reflecting I notice that my walk is continuing to grow and the yearly question I ask myself has been answered before the question fully formed in my mind, yes I am closer to Jesus at the end of the year than I was at the start of the year. I fretted because the world doesn't see that as a follower of Jesus that I love others who are different than I am. I care about all people meeting Jesus and the life decision we must all answer before we die. I tried to voice it and my voice was unheard, then God reminded me that He heard and knows that I care. He reminded me again just because my sin is different than someone else's to Him both are just as wrong and that to be forgiven for whatever sins I have I must be washed in the blood of Jesus. He died for me just as much as He died for all sinners. My job is to love to share that love and to tell about the deepest love of all a baby born in a manger who grew up and lived among us and died for us. My job is to tell, to reach out with God's love and the Holy Spirit will convict the hearts of those I reach out to. I find the anxiousness leaving me and to keep myself focused on Jesus. I will tell the story again and again the story of Jesus, the story of my life and how Jesus has changed me and continues to change me. I have added a new testimony to my life story it is "I am a grateful follower of Jesus and I have Parkinson's. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you, love Janet

December 24, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Tonight is Christmas Eve and my mind turns toward the birth of Jesus. We will attend our church and the familiar passages of Jesus' birth will be read, familiar songs will be sung and more than likely I will enter into the our Savior's birth more fully. It is the time to stop and view the gift of our Savior born in the flesh and the life He lived dying on the cross and finally His resurrection and find the awe of the season seep into my heart. When my children were young my ex and I had our children plan a service where we celebrated Jesus' birth. Prior to Christmas we asked them to do some sort of gesture where they helped another person out. We did this before any gifts were opened and they enjoyed the time to reflect and share their thoughts. When our grandchildren came along we spent a few minutes reading the familiar passages from the Bible and then we lit candles on a cake, sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. This year I struggled to get my heart into the season until I placed a Nativity on the mantle. I have come to believe we need to redirect our focus on the reason for the season which Jesus. Each year when the Christmas decorations come out I begin looking for Christian decorations, even cards and they are very few in relation to all the other items for sale. The idea of gift giving is easy to buy into but the idea of buying simple gifts are long gone. It is fun to think of the Wise Men bringing baby Jesus gifts so we want to buy those we love gifts only the gift giving part of what the Wise Men brought have been lost in the shuffle of more. The gifts were brought for a King. Ironically God had Mary and Joseph leave with baby Jesus when Herod wanted to kill all the babies around Jesus' age of about 2. Those gifts that the Wise Men brought baby Jesus more than likely supported the family while they were living in Egypt. This year I have avoided shopping for much of anything. I have made a few gifts to give to a few people and I like the simpler gift giving. I am attempting to focus my heart on the gift of salvation through our Savior instead of all the hustle and bustle that has taken His place. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 22, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Try as I may this year it has been hard for me to focus on Christmas. I have gotten disgusted with all the "profit" of Christmas and the lack of Christ in Christmas that gift buying has not been a priority. We only shopped for things we needed as we do throughout the year and nothing extra. It is once again PC to say Merry Christmas and for me I prefer to celebrate Christ's birth within my church family, at services Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This past week though I found myself wanting to remember Jesus more with His Nativity displayed in the house. For a few years I kept the Nativity up year round and I enjoyed it recently though I found dusting to be cumbersome so I brought the nic knacks to a minimum which meant mainly pictures of those we love, a few crosses and some silk flowers. The flowers give color to the room which brighten my spirits along with a reminder of the gift I have been given in Jesus so the crosses remind me of that. I was praying the other day to God about the lack of awe in regards to Jesus' birth. I am very grateful for His gift to all who will accept it and I have viewed His birth for awhile now with the cross in mind. I even have a couple of crosses that display the Nativity on them but I needed a little more. I was talking to God recently about how I felt and how I wanted to remember my Savior's birth when a poem started to build in me, I think the Holy Spirit spoke to me through this poem that was forming in my thoughts: "Like our Savior's birth in a stable bare without fanfare He was born Then the angles sang out the Good News to the Shepherd boys proclaiming the Savior's birth, my heart quietly opens to the reason for the season as I place His tiny manger scene upon the mantle. I learn I do not need the fanfare of hustle and bustle in my heart but to stop, be still and know God." As I read it later I see that is what I needed was to dig out a manger scene, I chose 2 that was one piece with Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus all worked into the piece. I put them on my mantle alongside of the crosses I already had their and in that simple small act I began to open my heart to God's gift to mankind, His Son and our Savior. I saw the little baby Jesus so sweet in the manger and the awe that came with His birth into our world, a lowly child born in a stable to a teenage mother and a carpenter father. I met Jesus up their on that mantle and I remember His unassuming life of a poor child and not a worldly king. I saw the cross in all of its horror and found love so deep and wide for mankind. His gift is for all who will open their hearts and accept the gift of love given to us. I will enter this week by having a medical procedure, making meals for us to eat and come Saturday evening I will join in worship of God with us. Sunday we plan on stopping by Debbie and Boogie's for a bit to share a simple meal prepared by our church family for the people in the community. I am grateful for baby Jesus' birth, life, death and resurrection. I still can't only look upon baby Jesus without seeing the whole story of His life for us. Stripping the outside hoopla of such an important gift to mankind truly is opening my heart to Jesus again. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 20, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Today I went to see the surgeon about having a colonoscopy, he remembered me from when I had to have an emergency appendectomy a few years ago which felt nice. We have a silly rapport and the intern who was sitting in on the visit and his assistant were watching us in confusion. We are both hyper active and our chatter can go on rather quickly. Since he did my appendix I have chosen to go to him for my colonoscopies as well. Once we finished with our silliness we got busy with talking about my other reason for being there. Since starting on this new medication for my Parkinson's I am having a problem with constipation and recently I wound up in the ER because I felt a bulge on the lower left side which was highly uncomfortable. My PCP decided I needed to have this "hernia" looked at since that is the name the ER doctor's gave it. My surgeon prodded on the area and he kept saying it could not be a hernia, it was not in the place where hernia's develop. He went back to his office to check out the Cat Scan that was taken in the ER and came back to tell me it was not a hernia. He decided that the colonoscopy would be able to help him determine what the lump was. Then he said "how about having the colonoscopy next week?" I was surprised things were moving rather quickly and I was good with that, less time for me to think about the whole dreaded day before procedure. We were out the door and driving when it came to me "if it wasn't a hernia, then what could be the lump I feel and came on with my constipation?" I think Dr.D ushered us out before I had too much time to think so now I have to wait a week to get some sort of answer. The other thing that popped into my mind after I left was I had mentioned that I had been recently diagnosed with Parkinson's and right off he said he noticed a tremor. I don't always feel myself shaking and I did not feel it when I was in the office. I understand now that I may not be aware of tremors all of the time but they are there when I don't realize it. My heart sank a little and my mind asked if I am already starting the uncontrollable shaking that is part of PD. I had entered into the fight of I will be able to walk and do well due to all my efforts at being proactive. I think I felt if I was walking the shaking would not be noticeable for a long time. As I think on this I know somewhere deep that my tremor's are returning due to my mistakes keyboarding, I also shake when I sew and my writing is poor at times. I feel like I keep facing the reality of PD and reprocessing all the information so I can live with my disease. With the settling of my thoughts I realize I am going to be having a few more conversations with God. I know it is the only way I will cope, learn how to be proactive.May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 17, 2016

Greetings My Friend I searched for and found a Parkinson's site that has some interaction and advice for those of us dealing with this disease. I am learning how important it is to have a positive attitude not allowing the disease to take the joy of living from me. I learned it is important to take care of myself since often times that is something we have not done in our lives. My heart leaped for joy because Jesus is how I am able to stay positive and I have made my health a high priority letting go of stressful relationships. Next I learned how important it is to stay active, for me being active in our home is my 1st priority followed by insisting on doing my exercise routine. My new friend Sharon has pointed me in that direction as well. I have exercises I am doing along with being active and lastly I have heard or read to keep my mind active I am doing a morning Bible study on my own and staying somewhat social through church fellowship. Answers to such questions as how long does each stage last, until I will not be able to care for myself are unknown mainly because no 2 people go through PD exactly the same. I knew the answer and yet I still wanted an answer it is part of learning to let go and let God for me. Then there are the sites I have seen on the internet where people have been totally healed from PD.... I admit I lingered over the title of the subject line on the search before moving on. I already fell prey to all the talk about essential oils potentially being good enough to heal you from something. I do believe in holistic healing aids and I also believe in pharmacutlicals at the same time, I wish more doctor's would include these hoslistic ways with their practice. I see Junior and I marvel at how well he is doing considering the work he did in a chemical factory, the shape of his bad back due to amputation and heavy lifting at work. Junior has taken supplements for decades now and the Chiropractor has helped him stay mobile along with a strong constitution to work through pain. The last part I believe is his faith journey with Jesus, well all of it actually. At this stage I believe by listening to the Holy Spirit I am being guided with most of my decisions like should I or should I not take medication, which supplements to add to my regime for PD and exercise information from sources I am led to. I believe I have found a support group on line which will let me vent, ask questions and even allow me to be supportive. Being supportive is important to me as well, it is part of life's journey of faith and a desire to reach back and guide another person who is in a similar struggle. My spiritual gift is to be an encourager so the reach back is natural in many ways for me. At this point I am starting to feel in control of this disease instead of the disease controlling me. I know that eventually the disease will more than likely take over but as far as I am concerned later is better than right now. I am comforted often with God's" promise to never leave me or forsake me, to be my Shepherd and give me rest in green pastures beside still waters" All of this means I plan on being active with continuing to study God's Word, for me I love studying and learning and until recently I thought I wanted to finish college. It was not the need to study man's learning for me as much as learning to study God's Word and ways. I write a journal of my daily Bible study time and I am contemplating trying a new way to study called mapping. I have only started to look into this type of study so I am not fully versed on it as of yet. By learning a new way I believe I will keep my mind active and potentially avert dementia. At the end of the day my desire is to keep my eyes on the cross and my heart in God's hands. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 15, 2016

Greetings My Friend I am in the midst of slowing down and resting from all the extra trips to doctor's appointments that I have needed to go to. There was an eye appointment to see how my eyes are doing since cataract surgery last summer, an appointment to get fit for a back brace, a doctor appointment to check how the new medication is helping my Parkinson's, a couple of vet appointments and I am bone tired. When I go for a few days I am pretty sure I will wake up do morning Bible study, eat breakfast and go back to bed. I woke up from my nap in time to make lunch today. I had some left overs so I heated them up and began my day of cleaning myself up, cleaning the bathroom and doing my morning exercise routine before sitting down again. It is time for a time out for a few hours before I tackle more things again. I want to make some cheese soup, make up another week of medications and put new liner paper in the refrigerator. Tonight I hope to do some sewing if my body will let me. For now though I check out Facebook, Instagram and write. My yawns are telling me there may be another nap in all of this. As the cold weather howls outside I find a new area in my body that wants to tighten up. My tight hips are coming back again along with the new tight shoulders and neck muscles and I learn ways to stretch them, warm them and move despite the tightness. My rest time in the afternoon quiets my thoughts and soon I am immersed in a quiet conversation with God. I have finally learned to talk to Him in a chatter sort of way. I find a few thank you's floating around in my thoughts, a question or 3 and sometimes I stop and pray for my sins, thankfulness and then I ask my questions if I am still awake, When I drift off to sleep I almost think I felt God rocking me, comforting me and giving that much needed rest. He is like that and I appreciate the quiet time in stillness. God seems to teach me to stop, to slow my thoughts down and to rest. All of a sudden I feel compelled to get up and get going again. The last half of my day will find me finishing up the tasks I had in mind then going to the TV for quiet time, time to slow down and regroup for the nights sleep. The older I get the more I am understanding that not only did God create me for work but He also created me to slow down and "know God is God." Both Junior and I sit in our recliners each afternoon and be quiet, nap whatever. The fur children also take their afternoon naps alongside of us and I understand even they need time to be quiet so they can be alert to all the noises during the day or night. God beckon's me with "Be still and know that I am God." It is time to quiet my thoughts and drift into prayerful sleep. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 13, 2016

Greetings My Friend Daisy was scheduled to be groomed today, as we were walking out the front door we received a call from the vet that the groomer was not going to be in today but we could get Daisy bathed and her nails clipped for free so we went ahead and took her in. While she was being cleaned up we went to Lowe's to get some lumber for a project Junior is working on. I walked the store and loved it. I have always loved walking so when my gait issues got bad walking was not possible. Since going on PD medication and being able to walk again I found myself enjoying wandering around the store. Junior decided to pick up a few extra things since it was not going to cost us to have Daisy groomed today or so we thought. When we finished we went to get Daisy, Junior went in while I waited in the truck and I thought that he was taking a long time to pick Daisy up and come out. I soon found out that the Vet decided to do Daisy's yearly checkup since it was slow and she was there, there went that money we thought we had gained and then some. For a while now we noticed that Daisy's one eye was getting clouded rather badly we thought it was cataracts but it turns out that it is pressure in her eye due to some bad teeth at the back of her mouth. We got medication for that and she has an infection in the other eye and we received medication for that. Daisy is scheduled to have her teeth cleaned and to be groomed in another 2 weeks. I was upset and then I was grateful that the Vet did give Daisy her checkup. I was told a few years ago that Daisy has dry eye and to give her eye drops for that. We are to stop this and start giving her drops to make tears. With all of this the Vet believes she will see better and this makes me happy for her. Other than our budget being blown I am grateful we are able to help our little Daisy. She has helped me regain my momentum as I have gone through so many health challenges so I am happy to be able to make her life a bit better with her health challenges. Junior and I love all of our dogs and cats but we each have one dog that comes alongside of us. Brendy will fuss with Junior when he is working too late at night, she sits right at his side as he drives around town with her and it almost looks like he has a girlfriend alongside of him in the truck. Biggie claims me in the recliner and Cinnamon loves watching out for the other little guys. She follows the new babies around making sure they are okay. Val is the Daddy of all the pets. Recently Grey our newest kitten was running around a little too much. I walked into the dinning room to see Val with his paw on Grey staring down at her. He was letting her know he was in charge and she needed to slow down. Phineas thinks we have nothing better to do than to sit for hours petting him and rubbing on him. Roscoe refuses to leave the spare bedroom for long and is always begging us to come pet him. Jack is busy playing with Grey or off hunting mice. Junior said that he has seen some mice around the property and in the house. I have not and I am grateful. I miss Alex's dead socks he would bring up out of the basement when we lived in Michigan. I can't believe it has been a year already since he died. We have a family with these fur children, each has their own personality and each is precious. God brought them into our lives and we are thankful for each of them. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 10, 2016

Greetings My Friend One of the biggest questions I had as a new believer was to know if I was in God's will. I came up with the idea if things were moving forward not backward and if my attempts at lining my life with God's then I was moving in the right direction. I was never fully sure if I was "hearing" God's voice much less if I was truly forgiven. For me I have grown through the years and at some point I started feeling confident in my journey with God. I have learned the most important part of the journey is believing God is God, His Son Jesus has come into the world to open the door for all who will believe God and accept Jesus as our Savior that we have a place in heaven. We come to faith in Jesus by believing right where we are right now and then God grows us to look more like His Son for the rest of our life of faith which ends at death. If we have worked with God with all of our heart not only in words but in action. 1 John was teaching that I can believe that I am indeed going to heaven if I am following the Bible and believing Jesus' death for our sins. I learned also that false spirits abound trying to take our focus off of the Bible and Jesus which used to scare me more than it does now because 1 John was teaching us to test the information you are hearing with the Bible. It is so important to know your Bible because false teachers and preachers abound. Some people are always quoting what their preacher's say and they take them at their word instead of seeing if what they are told matches with God's Word. The more I read and study the Bible the more I am able to catch honest mistakes along with things that are so far away from what God says. Satan knows God's Word and uses it all the time to take our focus off of what God truly says. Jesus was tempted in the desert by Satan and he used God's Word to tempt Jesus. Satan does this today so it is important to read the Bible all the time. I choose to read through the Bible in a year and have done so for the last 18 years or so. In recent years I have started writing a journal which helps me absorb more. Junior reads his Bible but picks a book and reads it most days. He will read the same sentence or paragraph many times until he feels he understands the message in that passage. Our church has Sunday school lessons called a quarterly, we move through this quarterly much like a Bible study lesson that we can buy. I enjoy learning with other believers consisting of new believers, believers who have a few years of faith journey along with long time believers. It helps to mingle my learning with others so I can grow deeper in God's Word. For some reason I keep finding my way back to "Those that have ears let them hear what the Spirit says." If we are astute we "hear" God's Word speaking to us then we can be certain we are "hearing" God's lessons on our heart. Some minister's teach a name it and claim it theology. If we truly know God's Word we know that anyone who is a true believer will encounter persecution in their faith journey. If we are encountering a rough patch more than likely God is allowing the struggle to grow us and strengthen us so my Parkinson's Disease does not necessarily mean God is punishing me, He may be slowing me down so I will be available to minister to others instead of being my usual self being involved in so many things that I won't have time to minister to people. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 8, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Confessing that I even had sins was a difficult part in my faith journey. I felt like I was a "good" person and I loved people and well I felt beat up enough without looking at even more things that were wrong in my life. I had hit bottom though and all my excuses were running out, still I kept hearing God say "confess" and finally I started looking at the things that kept me from drawing close to God. I found that God was not impressed with "forgive me for I have sinned" prayers all the time, He kept pointing me to name my sins, when I started looking hard at my life to see where I knew I was wrong I found myself growing closer to God. One day I realized that confessing was not as big of a deal as I had made it out to be in my heart. God started teaching me the areas where sin was holding me back from being close to Him, from not getting anywhere in life and how to let go of that sin. I started growing closer to God and moving forward in life. Some sins took me a very long time to let go of but the more I worked with God on them the more I saw the sin slipping away. Today in 1 John I read "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteouseness. If we say have not sinned we make Him a liar, and His Word is not in us." As I read this I felt that this was what God was teaching me, He is faithful to forgive if we confess if we don't then we are calling God a liar and this part resounded within me "and His Word is not in us." At times it is easy to pick and choose the passages that feel good and make the point we want to hear which is wrong to do. We must strive to learn all we can about God in His Word even if some of it points fingers back at us. We can't pick and choose the lessons of God but we must strive to open our heart to all of God's message and begin to apply the Word to our lives with the Holy Spirit's guidance. I ask myself after reading each day's Bible lesson What does God say and generally God points out a passage for me to focus on. Next I ask the Holy Spirit what He has to tell me, today He told me "Whoever has ears, let them hear." When I tried to pick and choose passages I rarely "heard" the Holy Spirit's guidance and was often unsure of myself and my relationship with God. Today when I start reading the Bible I pray asking God to open my eyes, my heart and my soul to His lesson for me and I hear the Holy Spirit's guidance more and more these days. Today I learned that God is speaking to all believers all the time and we must center our hearts on Him and "be still" to hear His voice. God told me in His Word that we must confess, be willing to listen, to make correction and at that point He will be just and forgive. I struggled with the process of forgiving, I realized I could voice the words in my mind or out loud but I was learning that forgiving had to start from the heart. God was willing to teach me to forgive no matter how long it took but first I had to desire to forgive deep inside of me. I learned the best way to begin the process of forgiving was to pray about the person I wanted to forgive, pray not unload my venom. At first I just said the person's name in my prayers since that was all I could do without going through a laundry list of wrongs done to me. Slowly I found myself letting go of anger and resentment, there were a few times at that point I cried out to God in pain of my soul and eventually I was able to let go and let God deal with the hurt I had in me. I admit that this process took me many years, God was healing me as I went through the process and one day I turned around to see that I had let go of the need to hurt the person who hurt me. This process of walking closer to God opens my heart to have ears that hear His voice. I can not truly hear unless I am willing to open all of my heart to God in His Word and not try to pick and choose passages that fit what I want to believe. Is the faith journey long and difficult at times, it is but it is worth it. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 6, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Walking to school used to be the norm and I believe we learned many lessons growing up. I remember there were a group of boys that walked in front of me calling me "cat" and making cat gestures with their hands like a cat clawing. It was very upsetting to me, many years later I see that the lesson for me was to keep my head up and ignore them. Then there came the time I had to take a bus to school as I got into Junior High I learned many lessons on the bus from the boys who were so rough. They thought it fun to lift up my dress, I told my Dad who went to the school and discussed this with the principal, soon those boys were not riding the bus anymore. The same with smoking on the bus, when the administration found out those boys were no longer aloud to ride the bus, they had to walk a mile or 2 home. When my children were young I had them walking to and from school as well. It was good exercise and I saw them learning many of the same lessons I had learned along with having neighbors who watched out for all the kids in the neighborhood. My son thought it was fun to get on the bridge and jump off so a neighbor caught him doing that, I was told about the incident and had an opportunity to correct my son. I almost feel like today our children are constantly protected from any of life's struggles that when they grow up they are not able to function. I had felt this way for a while but the recent elections and the protests, grieving young people have me seeing that not having a few of life's struggles has left them unable to handle life when things do not go the way they expect. I am not for bullying in fact there were some kids who were caught throwing stones and hit another child when I was young, they were severely reprimanded for that act of bullying as they should have been. I find life though will have moments of severe stress. A few years before I retired I had a lady who felt it necessary to slam paperwork on my desk and cuss me out. At first I tried to ignore her and I would go for a walk to pray and blow off my anger. When she would not stop I talked to my supervisor and she was made to settle down. It was hard for me to deal with all of the anger she had, it kept me awake many nights and in the end I saw that I needed to confront her behavior head on, when she ignored me then I went to the next step and that stopped it. I learned way back on my walks home how to deal with the issue. I also found a special friend who used to let me know she heard what went on and she gave me the courage to face the lady. I believe she was God's gift to me when I needed reassurance. The protesting, stopping traffic and having safe rooms is nonsense and these young people need to tough it up and go to work for the next election not pout how they did not get their way. They do not like President Elect Donald Trump, that is their right to not like him. Personally I never liked President Obama, I voted against him twice and when he won both times I did not throw a hissy fit and cry, my day to day life carried on. When a candidate with whom I agreed with came to light I voted for him. I accepted Obama's leadership even though I disagreed with the majority of his policies. I used the system to voice my thoughts and did not break any laws in doing so. Maybe it is time we went back to looking at each other directly, speaking to each other and using the struggles in life to strengthen us. Most importantly I think if we invited God back into our homes and into our government we would be a lot healthier than we are now without Him. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet.

December 3, 2016

Greetings My Friend, One of the things I have heard as a believer learning to grow in the faith was to pray Scripture. I understood the concept but I did not know how to find the passages that work for me to pray. While doing my devotions today I started to see how I can pray God's Word as I read Scripture. I am in Job right now as He finds out he has lost everything . Job is devastated with the loss of his children, cattle, servants including his health. Job's wife's response to all of this devastation was " Then his wife said to him,'Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die." Job's response astounds me because he holds fast to God and responds, "But he said to her, You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" Job did not give up on God and he was ready to receive the bad along with the good that comes in life. I felt that I could pray these sentences easily enough when I have struggles in my own life. Reading through the rest of the book of Job I found that there were many questions and Job's friends were more accusatory than comforting but at the end of the book Job has clung to God although he struggled mightily to understand why all the pain he endured Job clung to God and God wound up blessing Job double what he had lost. In recent years I have questioned God about loosing my ability to walk and to stay balanced in my walk. I have even had moments of "why me?" but at the end of the day I have an answer to the name of my problem which is Parkinson's Diseas and I am comforted. I feel a bit blessed to be given a time of healing with the potential of declining again. I have time to do more things that a steady gait will give me and I am sad that I will more than likely decline again but I am holding onto hope in Jesus. I can pray "shall I receive good from God, and shall I not receive evil?" Through the years I have learned that God is walking beside me each step of the way and one day the other side of the struggle will come. I will be at peace with the end result and amazed at what I am able to accomplish in God's strength. In Psalm 119 I read "My eyes long for your salvation and for the fulfillment of your promise...teach me your statutes...give me understanding." I see several prayers throughout these passages and the prayers pop out at me. Part of my faith journey and devotion time in recent years is writing a journal. This journal is helping me process my fears, the wonderful things that seem to bring praise to my heart. I have headings that I write out and fill in each day and this process takes me through what is on my mind, what I want to talk to God about, Scripture - What does God say. Sometimes I write out passages and other times I write the general sense of the lessons the passages was teaching me. The last 2 headings are What does the Holy Spirit say and How can I serve others today. Each of these headings is helping me stay in tune with my emotions and I find my heart quieting down so that I hear God's voice on my heart. Sometimes I am in distress and I find God's comfort other times I find God directing me where He wants me to focus my life and activity. Praying, reading and writing all are helping me to grow in my faith journey. Job teaches me to ask the questions even if they are not easy to ask. I learn that good and bad exist in this world we live in and we need to learn to trust and obey. The Bible even helps me by teaching me the prayers of those that came before us and are still current today as they were a few thousand years ago. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

December 1, 2016

Greetings My Friend, "For you have forgotten the God of your salvation and have not remembered your refuge;" Throughout history we see where once powerful nations fall because they forgot the gods they worshiped.When countries begin to fall away from the moral standards they once held dear and are then taken over. I see where even Israel fell and started taking up with the gods that the true God told them not to worship. Israel felt they could worship God and the gods of the nations they overtook as God led them into the promised land. I have to admit that today we are facing much of the same situations, children today are not even taught that the pilgrims came to worship the one true God, they celebrated the first year with the Indians because God had provided for them. From the beginning children learned to read from the Bible, were taught from the Bible and today this piece of history is being written out in the name of "separation of church and state". This nation was founded on Christian principals and has observed these principals up until the last 50 years or so. I grew up with a daily prayer said in the class room, the pledge said each morning and today it is not practiced because it may offend. I was speaking to a gentleman who is around 10 years younger than I am and was surprised he never had prayer in school. He was sure it was never done since he never had it and the sad thing is he thought this was the best. I would wager to guess he does not know what made Israel fall, Rome fall and many other nations throughout history, again it was when they walked away from their standards of morals as a nation, when they allowed homosexuality, adultery, a need to please other nations more than themselves. The reason Sodom and Gomorrah fell is because they had become a nation who preferred homosexuality instead of man and woman relationships. We know this because the angels told Abraham they were on the way to destroy these cities and when they got to the town Lot invited them in for the evening (not knowing they were angels). The men of the town came banging on the door wanting the men to be sent out to them to have their way with them. The only ones that were saved were Lot's family. At this point people think that believers of Jesus hate homosexuals only, which is not so, most of us would not harm them, would be willing engage in friendly conversations with them but because of a few radical people we are not believed or trusted. I have befriended a transgender person, talked with them, I let a woman who had a crush on me know I was not interested but I am regarded as homophobic. I believe God when He says He does not like these things including adultery, false weights and measures, scarficing of children and coveting your neighbors wife. I attempt to let others know that all sins can be forgiven if you repent, agree with God and believe in His Son. I want to invite all people into God's Kingdom and do my best to love all people because frankly no one wants to meet Jesus if they are cursed and treated wrong. I also know that Jesus made His point with the religious leaders very strongly so I am not called to be a yes person just to please others. I also know that some people will not accept this gift no matter what and I can only reach out so much and then the Holy Spirit will convict the hearts of those willing to hear the Good News. I believe our country has been in a wrong direction for a long time, with the election of President Elect Donald Trump I have hope that we are once again going back to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I will continue to do as Jesus told us to do, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold I am with you always, to the end of the age." May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet