December 29, 2016

Greetings My Friend, I notice that some people get caught up in all that they don't have and how their struggle is overwhelming them. It is easy to see the things you don't have and think you should have that you miss all the things God has provided. I am finding that this thinking is stinking thinking because it only makes you more depressed. For me the thankful journal helped a lot writing 5 things I am thankful for each day. I started to see that my situation is not as bad as I had made it out to be in my mind. Once I had gotten used to rewiring my thinking the thankfulness of what I did have consumed me much more and I work hard at thanking God for all I do have for all He has done for me and I stayed grounded in thankfulness. Another thing I am learning is getting outside of myself instead of working hour after hour on my problem, if I reach out to help someone else, find something to take my mind off of the wrong I feel is in my life I begin to walk away from the struggle. When I was divorced I wanted to stay in bed and sleep so I would not have to face the failure I felt I was. I wanted to hide in my house nursing the anger and fear I felt but God pushed me to seek help. I was in counseling and stayed there, I went to workshops for the divorced and I volunteered my time. When I was with other people I was able to put on my brave face and by reaching out to others in need I found that anger leaving me, by pushing myself to be with others I learned to have confidence. Sometimes I felt that people close to me should be around more and do more with me, they chose to not come close which was hard to cope with but eventually I began to develop new friends that became close to me and helped me on my journey through divorce. I learned I was thankful for where my life was heading, I was thankful to see that there was life and I was living it fully. I was finding that God's Word was speaking to me, teaching me and eventually I felt complete in Jesus. I started stilling myself to listen and then do. This Christmas that was my lesson learning to be still and to listen to Jesus. The holiday's used to mean family and friends and rounds of activity and then they became sad with fewer activities to attend. I resented it, cried about it and then this year I found comfort in the quiet less hectic pace. I discovered the only Christmas decoration I wanted was a manger scene and a cross displayed on my mantle. Junior and I chose not to do any Christmas shopping, we were sensing that the hustle and bustle of Christmas was not honoring to God. Christmas Eve came we went to church and worship filled me as I listened to Pastor Joe's sermon, took communion and my walker got stuck because the aisle was too narrow for it to fit through. When I sat down I had a quiet internal conversation going on which was turning the situation into a major story to tell and how I felt the whole congregation was watching me. As I thought about being humiliated I felt God's whisper telling me about Jesus' moment of humiliation. After that I noticed my internal drama turned to see that in my struggle Marshall saw my need and lifted my walker up above the pews, carried it back to my seat, Gwen had me balance on her arm so I could walk down the side aisle and God had provided for my needs. Next God entered my thoughts showing me how other's reached out to me and that my thinking "it is better to give than to receive was not always true. Sometimes being in need so another can reach out and minister is good. I could not have come to this new learning without slowing down, absorbing myself in God's Word and asking God to teach me to be still and know He is God. This year for Christmas holiday sharing we had dinner with our friends Debbie and Boogie who are like family to us, Brenda and Jeremiah came by and my son called me. In Jesus I was able to worship deep inside. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet