November 8, 2016

Greetings My Friends, I sense God wants me to write about my faith journey and I have been doing this now for 8 years. In my morning Bible study time recently I was drawn to a passage that reminded me to be truthful in my journey of faith. "....but let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no...." In sharing my faith I need to admit those times that the road I am on is a difficult one and right now the journey of Parkinson's disease is a rather scary journey. I journal my daily Bible reading and I am finding it so helpful, today as I wrote about what is on my mind and wrote my prayer I found myself focused on the end stages of PD. I will be an invalid, not able to care for myself at all and that is scary to me. The more I move into this disease I will regain my tremors only it will be with both hands along with other body parts, this too concerns me. Recently I have found how to live with so many things and at present I am living life and enjoying it. I am in a safe relationship, I am gaining confidence to do new things and learning how to do old things in a new way. I have emotionally accepted life right where it is at without some people I have longed for in it. Life is good other than my gait issues. I have medication that keeps my hand tremors down which allows me to write (well print), to keyboard, to sew and so many other things. I have accepted the wheelchair use which is only when I am out in public since I am unsure of my gait issues and falling. Last week I received the diagnosis of PD and part of me is fearful another part knows God is with me. After I wrote out my thoughts and prayer I read the Bible's daily reading. My reading program reads out of 4 different books each day which helps me stay focused and absorb better. When I finished I had the overwhelming thought that I needed to focus on today with an each day attitude. Today I can do all of the things I mentioned and I need to be thankful, even grateful that I am able to be where I am. I need to read to understand and then seek to find ways to stay on top of my disability like doing balancing exercises, building my core muscles and learning new things. When the perceived concern which is really fear for me tries to entice me to focus on the negative I need to lift that moment up in prayer asking God for support. I need to have an attitude of gratitude even if I am struggling. At the end of the day I find the more I lean into the struggle I will find a strength I never knew I had and without Jesus I would not have had. I need to live with the hope I received the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior a hope of one day receiving a body that is not broken and afraid. Right now though lessons are preparing me strengthening me for a day to come. Next I find myself looking to the cross again. God had me do that when I first began my faith journey and I balked at having to look at all the pain Jesus went through. I finally gave in and my years of praying through Jesus' last moments helped me grow in endurance and strength. I found hope instead of wishing. I am going along real positively right now and the thought pops into my head "what about..." Right after that I ask God to help me not go there and I forgot what the last part of the "what about" was. Jesus was afraid, he was anxious with the disciples and was sweating blood as He asked Father God "take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but your will." Jesus did not want to go through all of that but He did. I see Father God sending angels to comfort Jesus and I know I will receive comfort in my journey of PD. When Jesus came back from the grave, He was not angry but very loving, He showed the disciples many things and I find that if Jesus was okay with all that He endured I will be good too. For now though I am on a journey that is scary at times and I will do my best to share how God is working in my life and to grow through each stage of PD. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet