May 31, 2016

Greetings My Friend, One thing I have learned with my Chiari Malformation and Ataxia is to mourn my loss of ability. The next think I learned is to keep pushing myself to stay as able bodied as I can. I recently went from a 5 lb. hand weight to a 2 lb. weight. After weeks of doing my arm exercises my shoulders were getting weaker instead of stronger. The old idea of keep pushing past my limits no longer apply. This has been extremely hard for me to grasp. More recently I have learned that if the push I am doing is not working it is best to back off because I am wearing myself out and loosing energy to be about other things. As I read the help sites I see some very hurt and angry comments, to be honest I relate. Today I read a gentleman who was encouraging us to accept our decline and to find the good that comes with it. It is really helpful for me to see this reminder and the man puts out his encouragement often. I have learned to see the good more often. In the last few months I have learned to decopauge, bake bread and some other home made delights, quilting and now I am working on learning to dehydrate food. If I were able bodied I would not be home to enjoy all these endeavors and too tired to take time to learn new things. Reading long tedious directions don't hold my attention but Youtube videos are teaching me so much these days. I am a visual learner in general so these videos fill that need to have someone show me. I am surprised at all the things I am learning and my reading can be saved for things like Bible study, writing and quick reads on social media. Just as my cancer taught me to slow down and "be still" to hear God's voice in my life I am now able to slow down and live my life differently but effectively. While Junior is working on his various projects I am working on my projects which means I am not seeking him for attention all day. I still need Junior time but not the suffocating time I once needed. When I worked I also had a few girlfriend nights so he could be alone for awhile. Today I learn new things. Life is sweet even though my hips want to give out, my balance is getting worse. I am learning to stop more often and wait longer before I get moving again. While I am moving I sit more while doing chores like sitting on the bed to fold clothes or gathering baking ingredients and sitting to mix them. These sit moments allow me to do more in the long run. Some mornings I write after my quiet time, some mornings I don't those mornings I don't I begin doing various things around the house. Later I may sit and write. I find that I need to stop moving so much after lunch so I sit or nap for a few hours. Later I slow the movements down and begin to do sitting activities like right now I am making fabric yo yo's which will become a doily when I am done. Some afternoons I go to the porch to decopauge, paint flower pots or work on some other idea I have come up with. These things fill the day rather nicely and I don't have the need to run several days a week. I still need a day to get out and about and I have been able to save energy for Sunday school and services on Sunday. I can't make it back to evening church which makes me sad but I have the morning fellowship and learning I enjoy. For me my thankful attitude has been learning to be thankful as I am taught to do in the Bible. I learn to give God accolades which teaches me to stop and look and see all the wonder and awe that is around me. Even learning to reflect on what is not right in my life teaches me to confess sin to God who then graciously teaches me to walk away from that hurt, that dysfunction. Lastly I learn to continually ask God where He wants me, what He wants me to do which I find myself taking time to learn new things, to mention to others how I am overcoming in some area of my life. While I find myself praying and conversing with God. At the end of the day I am content, learned to accept where my health is and to enjoy my life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet