May 28, 2016

Greetings My Friend, Junior and I were taught in our remarrieds class that God needs to be first in our lives. The way I learned this broke down was God first in my life, our marriage 2nd. At first we were taught our spouse 2nd later it was revised to our marriage. We learned that the good of the marriage needed to take the 2nd spot because sometimes the individual needs were less important than the harmony of the marriage. To tell you the truth this is working for Junior and I. I have learned to not seek my way in each and every situation but to seek Junior's highest good in all situations. The more I seek his highest good the more I find my needs are truly taken care of. It was hard at first because I felt I would be taken advantage of. I wanted to assert my rights sometimes, it did not build trust between Junior and I. I am blessed because Junior understood my wounded spirit, he kept being patient and kind with me. When he taught me that he felt leadership meant that he needed to serve I was befuddled. I saw leadership as a take charge and an attitude of "my way or the highway." It is strange but Junior's servant role as leader has opened my heart more than anything. He does assert himself from time to time too but overall he leads with gentleness and patience. I am surprised at how many times I find my way to his way of doing things because he lets me try my wings only to find his way was truly the best way. Sometimes I tell him I know his point is valid but right now I am struggling with his method of thought or doing something. He tells me that I must form my own opinion and he accepts that we may not always agree. I appreciate that which gives me time to mull over my thoughts. Sometimes I see a problem and make a suggestion, Junior takes my thoughts to heart and at least thinks about what I have suggested. I love that, once in a while he even comments right off that my idea was a good one. I love that too. He used to get overwhelmed with my chatter, today I chatter but if I want his input I tell him upfront. I believe we are at this point because of a great ministry that taught us how to use God's Word to guide our lives. We were taught to have a united front, to accept that we raised our families differently and that was okay. We formed our style of living as we went along and we each dealt with our own children, ours were raised when we married. As we married we made financial decisions with regard to our children together, we did not give money without talking to each other first. Our classes taught us that if we wanted our marriage to grow then we needed to keep God at the core of our marriage. It has helped us so much. I also think it helps our children see our devotion to God and to each other and as we are strong in the Lord we love them in a much healthier way. Our children are not around us much well hardly at all really but in my heart one day they will see what we modeled was the best way to handle life. In the meantime we work on our relationship with God and our marriage. Ever so slowly I see our children making sounder relationship decisions and underneath it all I think we have had some input on that. In our older years Junior and I are learning that our needs are changing, right now I am working through being disabled. Junior helps me when I am getting into a wheelchair and my footing is not stable. He guides me to the chair, sometimes he pushes me as I try to get up into the truck. Junior also pushes me to do for myself as much as I am able so when I am down due to asthma, he lets me sit or sleep. If he was not listening to God he could think I was being lazy. I can now tell him I am struggling and he hears me. I go take care of myself without him constantly fussing I am lazy etc. God teaches me to intercede when conversations get too involved with military discussions. I can see Junior's growing excited as a sign that old memories are cropping up. I change the subject when I see this. God is the one who taught me that Junior is not being aggravated to be annoying, he is struggling. I see so many pitfalls that we avoid because we take ourselves out of the equation and ask God to direct our thoughts and steps. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet