November 14 2015

November 14 2015 Greetings My Friend, I have been friends with Marilyn since were kids in Sunday School. Later after we were grown up we were youth advisors at the church we grew up in. We renewed our friendship and it grew even deeper. One day Marilyn was facing a divorce and our friendship grew deeper. A few years later she came beside me when I faced my divorce. Our friendship has withstood many of our life’s trials and has grown us closer. I bounce things off of Marilyn frequently. She is my sounding board and will be frank with me when I need total honesty the most. I am the same way with her too. I called her this morning just to chat and catch up with her. She loves to travel and does so frequently. I love hearing about her adventures. She has won a trip to Africa and I am so happy for her. Her son is doing well and her husband is her friend whom she enjoys traveling with. In the back and forth I mentioned I was trying to find a way to get out on my own. The walker I have is too bulky for me to get in and out of the car. Her Mom needed a walker for many years and she knew the solution to my struggle. She encouraged me to stay as independent as possible which is what I want also. Her solution was so simple, get a walker without a seat. They fold up more compact and are easier to get in and out of the car. They are inexpensive and I knew right away that was the answer that I have been seeking for some time now. I have seen these types of walkers at the thrift stores and Junior and I will be out looking for one in the next few days. I haven’t been to my favorite dollar store in some time. Many times I would go through the grocery store with Junior and pick up things I needed then scoot off to the dollar store. Lately I have not had the energy to do this. Today though I see that I can make a quick trip to town for a quick in and out to the dollar store. I can get out and about on my own and I feel so much freer. I am trying to convince myself that my shaky hands are getting better. In reality no they are not. Some days I don’t shake as much as other days. The more I tried to print in my journal the more I saw the shaking in the words I wrote. I think this is one of the hard parts of declining agility. I keep thinking that if I will myself enough I will not shake, I won’t feel so weak and so on. It is good that I keep pushing myself to stay as able as I can but I need to also give myself permission to accept the fact that I literally can’t do what I did as recent as a week ago. This balancing act is difficult. I don’t want to quit too soon but at some point I need to accept that I am moving into less agility. At present I believe I will attempt to have the back and forth of thoughts so that I don’t give up too soon. Now I need to accept the fact that things are changing and not allow myself to get so worked up also. I am finding that a consistent conversation with God and asking questions seems to point me in the right direction. A while back Debbie gave me the okay to use my walker. Her input helped me a ton. As I keep asking God I find that answers keep unfolding before me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet