October 29 2015

October 29 2015 Greetings My Friend Sometimes I struggle to get to sleep. One of the things I do that helps more often than not is to start thanking God one by one for small things like toothpaste and go from there like clothes to wear for me I marvel I have clothes for the cold and the warmer months. I also have shoes to wear for each season. Next I realize that I have food to eat throughout the day. Even in lean times there has been food available to me. As I think of a full belly I realize that I have always had a home to live in, heat in the winter, air conditioning in the summer. The more I think about a place to live in I find myself marveling at the structure of the house and the protection I have from the elements, wild animals, a safe place to go to when the world seems crazy to me. The more I see my home as a haven I realize I have had the income I needed to support the home, utilities to run the home, a bed to sleep in and furniture to sit on. Many times I am soon sound asleep. Even in my sleep I find that I am thankful. I have done this thankful journey when I wake up with nightmares. For a good portion of my life I would wake up reliving some sort of abuse done to me. Fear gripped me and it was hard to shake it off. After my divorce as I was learning to pray I stumbled across the thankful prayer journey. I must say my nightmares today are far and few between. My thankful journeys point to all the times God has been there for me. I have my basic needs met along with those fearful moments where He has come alongside of me. The more I remember through being thankful the more I realize God will be with me with the next struggle I encounter. With the current struggle of declining physical abilities I found myself anxious. People were pointing out my anxiousness even though I did not realize it. My doctor heard my anxious words and prescribed a stronger medication for anxiety. Now a few weeks later the anxiousness is fairly much gone and in its place is hope. Today I bent over picked Daisy up and started walking around the room with her instead of the walker. The more my anxiety has left me the more I find myself testing the waters so to speak like walking with Daisy in my arms and no walker. Each day I find myself working at getting stronger physically again. I don’t know if I will be walker free for the most part but each time I gain a bit more control life is not so scary, I sense I have more living to do. I also hear God say “ go forth Janet.” I can still go for presenting my struggles for God’s glory. I can give the hope that I have in Jesus. As much as speaking of God’s greatness I am learning that sometimes the best lesson is the one that is seen and not spoken. I learn to keep trying even if giving up seems easier. It is not over until it is over. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet