October 15 2015

October 15 2015 Greetings My Friend I attempt to make a daily choice to follow God. One of the ways I have been able to stay focused is repetition. The consistent repeating helps me to stay focused and move forward. I am sure a lot of this is my ADHD tendencies. Through the years I have learned that people with ADHD tend to focus in on something to the point of driving others crazy. It seems they heard it once and that was enough about 15 times ago. For me though unless I keep repeating I will soon forget the path I chose to follow. Our re-married ministries taught us that we need to make a daily commitment to fall in love with our spouse. I believe this was the start of purposely repeating. For me as I entered into a deeper faith I chose to focus on the cross daily and in depth. In my prayers I attempted to follow Jesus during His final hours, His death and His resurrection. The more I was able to walk down that path the more I was able to understand God’s love for us. My first forays were tentative. I hated seeing Jesus’ suffering and wondered why God would allow this. At first I saw only the nails pounded into His flesh. That was awful enough but as time went on I saw more suffering. I began to see the ugliness of sin and the pain it causes God the Father. I saw His desire for us to choose His way not our own selfishness. I saw how cruel we as humans truly are. Later I started to focus in on Jesus before the soldiers came, before the beatings when He was in the garden praying. I heard again “If it be Your will, take this cup of suffering from me. Not my will but Your will.” Slowly I learned that God equips us to deal with all kinds of strife and fear. I hear Jesus pray not once but 3 times. I asked God “why?” Slowly I saw that I needed to understand that I am afraid. I learned that God equips me to deal with the fear. For Jesus God sent angels to comfort Him. At first I thought the word “comfort” did not tell me enough. As I kept going back to the angels comforting Jesus God opened my eyes to the fact that Jesus got up from those prayers and entered into the awfulness of crucifixion. He kept quiet, He encouraged us even in great pain and anguish. Slowly I started to see that God did not spare His Son such deep pain. God equipped Him though. As I prayed year in and year out I started to see where God was equipping me to move out of abuse and anger into forgiving and true loving. I did not know love true everlasting love until I felt God’s love for me. The more I felt God’s love the more I started to reach out with love for others, even those that are hard to love. When I felt beat up I found myself once more entering into God’s presence. Just as He taught me to name my sin I found God teaching me to lift up those I struggle to love. The more I lifted up a name the more I learned to let go of the hurt and let God deal with me and with them. I am ever grateful for the lesson of the cross even in its horror. It is at the cross I met God’s deep love for me for all of us. Today I may not go into detail in my prayer but I strive to thank Jesus for His life, death and resurrection. I see the awesome gift of salvation in one person Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet