September 15 2015

September 15 2015 Greetings My Friend September is Chiari Malformation month. It appears that I have had this birth defect from my birth although I found out about 3-4 years ago I have it. At first I was confused, scared and as these feelings started to settle I understood many things that have been part of my life more so. This process also has taught me that as I mourn the loss of loved ones, mourned the end of my 24 year marriage I too need to mourn the loss of my health. After I have mourned for a time I begin to ask God how to deal with my disabilities and He has been faithful in teaching me. I have prayed for complete healing and God has asked me “Am I enough?” That has been a journey in of itself. For the most part I believe I am good without complete healing and I marvel at the peace I have as I learn to live with disabilities. Along with Chiari I have allergy induced asthma, GERDS, PTSD and osteoporosis. These may be sister conditions or not. The PTSD is trauma from abuse. I believe insomnia, brain fog and concentration are more the Chiari, I am not positive but from what I read it seems to be the case. I also have balance issues that have been getting progressively worse. I also have developed a tremor in my hands, sometimes in my legs. Another problem with Chiari is that symptoms will come and go making it hard to diagnose. In my young adult years I remember having extreme neck pain, my wrists felt weak so weak that lifting my child or a pan of water scared me because I might drop them. I also see the signs of Chronic Fatigue before I knew there was a name to my extreme tiredness. When I was younger I found that days I had off of work I would sleep for the whole day. This revived me to go on as normal for a period of weeks, months before I caved into the tiredness again. Today I can not bounce back like I once did. With the help of Vitamin B 12 and moving in a slow methodical pace I have better energy. If I do too much, too many days of activity I will crash big time and it will take me several days to come back to my new normal. With asthma I tend to have bouts of bronchitis and these bouts take me even lower so sometimes it takes me a few weeks to bounce back to my new normal. At first I struggled with all of these limitations and to be honest it has taken me years to learn to live with these disabilities. For a few years after I retired I had insomnia so bad that I could only sleep an hour or two at a time. It got so bad that I blacked out, rolled down a hill and broke a vertebrae and that was when I found out I had Chiari Malformation. Today I have a CPAP, lavender oil helps me get to sleep at night, anti anxiety medication has helped my PTSD and a walking stick or walker if I am walking any great distance helps me to function. God has been my strength through this process and I find life too be awesome now. I would love to be whole again but that is not happening so I live as I am able. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet