August 27 2015

August 27 2015 Greetings My Friend I felt the pinprick of understanding again today. It is such a slight prick it would not be hard to miss it but it has been pricking at me for a while now and today understanding formed more so in my mind and in my heart. The passage reads “God is spirit.” This has been an intellectual understanding since childhood but for some reason it resonating in my heart now. My deep faith journey is now more than a decade old almost 2 decades and it hits me that in order to worship God I need to worship from deep inside of me. I have been but I did not realize that this depth deep in me was my own spirit reaching back to God. It is easy to relate to God in my flesh because I am most familiar to my flesh. That night years ago in bed at my lowest I prayed to God words but I prayed from my heart as I never had before. Afterwards I felt the same pain and struggle but somewhere deep inside of me I know this is the moment I began my faith journey. Recognizing God’s voice was hard but I started to hear Him here and there. I wanted to please God more and more and my need for human approval was growing less and less. Giving God my heart was at first here and there. The more I read my Bible the more I prayed I found myself wanting to be different and to walk down a new more exciting road. I wanted to give up but for some reason I did not, I kept going back and trying until it became 2nd nature to walk more the way I was created to walk. The more I walked in the new way it felt good and at some time it was familiar. Somewhere along the way I felt that we as believers must share our journey in our own unique way. I can’t not share anymore. I have a desire to bring God’s peace to as many people as I can in anyway that I can. I do funny I somehow have an ability to make people giggle. I write from my heart as well. I don’t hold back my struggle and I am honest to a fault. Another lifetime ago I felt so different that I was using up oxygen someone else deserved. Today I sense I belong here and I have much work to do. In retirement I am finding out more about my calling too. Yesterday 2 people called who are in a lot of need. We are finishing one journey of helping another and in the quiet I sensed that God isn’t finished with me/us yet. We have learned a lot about giving of our time, talent and money. If God calls me to reach another I have to seek their highest good and not throw away my time and money just to help them. I am learning this balance and it still is a bit of a struggle but I am getting it and again that sense of “spirit” living fills me. Agape love has had a tremendous impact on how I relate to others, seeking their highest good means not doing or giving just to say you did it. I can’t just check things off of a list and count it good and be done. These two phone calls may be where we are to go next and as we enter into these times of helping I understand down deep all I need to do is be loving and give what I am able to. God will do the convicting work. I also am able to let go of the need to present myself as a person ready to serve and I am learning to serve within my limitations. This means on flare days of extreme tiredness, shortness of breath or pain that it is okay to pull back, regroup and work at the pace my body is able to handle. If others think otherwise then that is their problem not mine. God has allowed these limitations for a reason. I can fight it or work with it. I choose to work with it. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet