June 26 2014

June 26 2014 Greetings My Friend, Junior and the fur children are napping. I am in the midst of thinking thought after thought. When this comes on me writing tends to help. I am learning to look things up more on the internet. Last night I was looking up Asthma and COPD. I am trying to understand why I have both. From what I can discern it is that due to 2nd hand smoke my lungs are weaker. That made sense. My allergies play into my the asthma aspect. As I was researching I saw “Stages of COPD.” Mom had COPD due to heavy smoking. Mom turned blue and was terrified as she could not pull in enough air to sustain her. That memory is etched into my brain big time. So COPD is a bit scary to me. My doctor said I had a mild case and should not get that bad. I was good with this until I read the four stages of COPD. The questions begin to haunt me. Sometimes for me it is best to go step by step instead of striving to get the big picture. I never smoked. I have allergies that have somehow turned into asthma….maybe I have always had asthma but now it is hard to not use a daily maintenance inhaler. If I exercise daily and most days I do I need to use an as needed inhaler to get out and walk. I don’t have the energy to walk with my cane only, with my Chiari Malformation I tend to trip rather easily as well so I use a walker and I am able to do a good half hour walk or more. I did pick up that I can have a long life span if I take care of myself, eat right and exercise. I do that for the most part. I believe my eating habits are getting better once again. I did let them go as I struggled with staying awake and having energy. These days though I eat more fresh food and less processed. As I was reading the information I noticed that tiredness is part of the package. I got that the tiredness may not go away completely and I am finding that to be true. As I try to do various chores I have to sit down and then start up again as I regain energy. I have come along way from when I retired and could barely stay awake. I was hoping to continue to get to the point of not needing so many rest periods. I realize that this shortness of breath is here to stay. I want to be sad, angry and then I’m not. It is what it is. God has taught me to work with what I have and frankly it is a sweet way to work given I can’t get up and go like I once did. At the end of the day I am content with all the things I was able to enter into. I have even slowed down to notice the sound of the birds singing, smell the grass after a rain. I find that though this is not pleasant it is OK. Hope fills me as I also know that at the end of my earthly journey there is life still to life….forever and ever which I can barely wrap my brain around. So for a while I struggle and then….yup I have hope. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet.