June 10 2014

June 10 2014 Greetings My Friend, I did another walk to the end of the road and back and shaved off 5/10 minutes from the last walk. I’ve learned to slow my pace down thus not needing breaks as often. I am learning to slow down and it is a challenge for me. As I learn to slow down though I see new things and feel new to me feelings. In slowing down I am able to connect to Junior and others on a deeper level. I love “deep” and have tried to go deep my whole life. I also learned to keep life near the surface and to close my heart off so I won’t be hurt. Old age is requiring me to slow down and to smell the roses. I am safe these days since I have begun a serious faith journey with Jesus. Junior has proven to me time and again that he does not want to hurt me ever. I believe him more with each passing day. The more I trust there is wonder as I meet the world again with a quieter set of eyes. The first thing Junior taught me was “boring.” Later I learned that the right word really is “stable” but never having met “stable” I thought it was boring. I had to learn to not be dramatic over each moment of life and it was a struggle. That meant when he did something that I was not comfortable with I had to ask him to stop and thats it. I did not have to curse, sound tough, demand him to stop. I only had to ask him to stop. The calmer Junior remained with me the less need for drama in my response back to him. He tried to show me how to use some man tools one time and I was so afraid I’d do it wrong that I did do it wrong. Junior was patient with me. I found myself learning to vacuum the floors when he was around in the same room even. Lately my walks tend to have my camera phone on hand. I stop along the country lane and take pictures of the sights all around me. I am in amazement of God’s creation over and over again. Daily I feel peace seeping inside of my being as I walk along. I have a sense of accomplishment as I set goals and reach them. The inhalers, the walker on wheels has opened up my life so much more. I noticed that the last clash I had with someone who tends to challenge my every word that I basically I told her that “You do you and I will do me.” I told her that she has a right to tell me what she thinks and I have the right to accept or reject her opinions. I did not let myself sink into despair as I had been doing. Junior and I have always loved being near the woods way more than near the beach. For us we find God daily as we stroll along. God is there as I wake up and as I go through the day but the walks tend to remind us of God’s gloriousness. At first I started my day off with God in prayer and Bible study before I cleaned and went to work. Some days I found that I talked with God sporadically throughout the day as I had a problem but to be honest I was focused on my job more so. I did ask myself often throughout the day if God would like what I was doing but seeking Him was not what I did. As I retired and my health took a nose dive I found myself in prayer over the smallest of things. I found times where I wanted to talk and Junior wasn’t up to hearing a lot words. I found I’d tell God the silliest of things just to have someone to talk to. As my health issues have been dealt with I find I still talk to God on and off during the day. I pray as I go to sleep at night as I wake up during the night and finish as I get out of bed in the morning. I then have prayer time again in my comfy chair around lunch time. This is my time to repent, to praise and ask God to teach me to be Junior’s wife with a lot of thank you’s thrown in. FB, e-mails and such tend to find prayer requests as well. The news often brings stories about disasters and such so more prayers go out. As we travel if we see an accident I pray again. My heart asks often throughout the day where God wants me to be. Many days often go by and it seems my job is to love, learn and grow then one day events seem to fall into place and I realize that at this time I need to minister to someone. There was that Sunday we had decided before church we were going to go out for breakfast. In Junior’s Sunday school class was a new person who was questioning everything. We went to breakfast and he was our server. We talked as we could some more and we may have only planted a seed but I feel we were where God wanted us. Slowly I learn to discern those moments and I find God isn’t wanting me to say His name all the time in the hopes of spreading the Good News. Learning to slow down and listen though I find God’s direction for me more and more. Do I miss the days of mission trips with teens? I do but these days my direction seems to be writing, loving, learning and sharing my testimony. My body is not what it once was but for some reason I’m OK with that. Life is full and filled and God is good! May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet