March 25 2014

March 25 2014

Greetings My Friend,

Today I am attempting to read my computer screen and the words are real blurry. It is not the computer but my eyes. I'd like to feel sorry for myself. I am grateful that I can see enough to make out the words and to write.

I am still losing my food not nearly as often but it still comes back up. I am grateful it is not like it was before the scope. The medicine seems to be helping so overall I am not in the discomfort I was in. I am grateful for medication. I am grateful for the internet so I can learn a bit about the surgery to remove the hernia. I will talk to the surgeon, my doctor and the research should help me with my decision when I am ready to decide.

We have not had the zero and below weather in a few weeks. I am grateful that time has passed. I am grateful we have several sources to get heat. I am grateful for the blanket to wrap myself in as I write and such.

The dogs had a bark fest after Junior left for the dentist and I was still sleeping. Being annoyed is putting it mildly. Still as Mindy sits beside me and several of the other dogs nap quietly I am grateful for their protective nature, their friendly nature.

I guess my theme today is “look on the bright side” because life could be so much more worse. I can focus on all the “ain't it awful” moments or I can see the beauty in every awful situation. When I choose to see the good, I find I am more light hearted and accepting. I am not besot of worry and anger and all the negative crud life seems to want me to accept.

I am an optimist. I am hopeful. I need these moments to see the “good” in life in order to keep on keeping on. In another lifetime I attempted optimism but I think it was really “wishing.” I wished things would quit, I held out hope they would stop and in the end life kept hurtling more painful moments at me.

As I accepted Jesus as my Savior though my “wishing” turned into real hope. My striving to make life better began to be a reality. I slowly learned how to “hear” God's voice. I kept giving God my heart as honestly as I could. Sometimes I would cry. Soon though I began moving past the pain and started doing as I was told – obeying really.

I kept feeling God's love and that love gave me courage to face the difficult moments life thew my way. As I retired I found my being going into all kinds of struggles, emotionally and even physically. I felt like I was in a paper bag and could not fight my way out of it. As I worked through one struggle another one replaced it.

I have to admit it was God that helped me through several years of struggling. There were moments I would rather stay in bed, not face the day and totally give up. Each day as I entered into prayer time I found myself attempting one more thing. All of a sudden I had a new family doctor who seems to “hear” my struggles and then put me on track. One by one the struggles began to go away and if new ones came we figured them out as well.

At this point I often wonder how people who don't have a faith in Jesus ever make it through life. For me prior to my faith I felt overwhelmed. I tried hard to be positive and to stay positive. I always attempted to see the good in any situation. Then depression would overtake me and soon I found myself pulling back.

I still have the desire to pull back these days but as I feel God's love and I embrace Jesus' resurrection I begin to feel I will move through whatever struggle I am in. My “hope” these days is knowing there will be another side of that struggle and I will even find the struggle worth it. I will find a day where I will look back in awe and amazement. I will understand that I did not do this on my own but God walked with me each step of the way.

I have come to accept that life will not be without its share of struggles. I am comforted by the fact that I will never ever be alone. As I look at God being faithful I tend to see that He is always right beside me, guiding me and holding me. The woman who felt so alone and unwanted of yesteryear is very secure in her being these days.

“I am a child of the King,” plays around in my thoughts. I feel precious, special and to die for. Jesus loved me enough to die for me. There are those who love me and those that don't. These days I don't focus on not being loved, liked or wanted by man. I am wanted by God the Most High God, the one and only true God.

What is your “hope?”

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet