November 6 2013

November 6 2013 Greetings My Friend, Well that is a bust. I wrote today's blog earlier today in Word Pad and when I went to copy and paste to post tonight it would not work. Ugh! So I write today's blog for the third time. It is what it is. That statement saves me from being angry at life at times. The old Janet of yesteryear would have cried, slammed things and went all dramatic. Today I write a third post and then I will go to bed. It is what it is. As I posted tweets today and wrote a couple of blogs I also cooked lunch, swept some of the floors and dusted a bit. I also jumped on the exercise machine. I do good all day but when I begin to watch the news I find myself falling asleep. It is bedtime and my body is aching to go to bed. All this activity is helping me to stay asleep all night most night now. That is a good thing. I am comfortable though if I have and up and down night these days as well. I thank God often that I don't have to try to go to work anymore with a few hours of sleep. I am able to get the sleep I need in and begin my day as I finish the night before sleep. That works real nice. I start prayers as I go to sleep and often when I wake up I finish talking to God. I love the few moments in quiet conversation with God and find many mornings lingering in bed. That feels real nice. When I get up I wake up on FB and then slowly I enter into Bible study and then prayers. It is a wonderful way to start my days and get functioning. Junior has a dr. appointment in Kingsport tomorrow and I am deciding if I will ride along or not. I would like to continue with my new routine so staying home appeals to me. With two trips in the last month I've run about as much I care to run for a while. I stop writing and look around. The fire is going in the gas fireplace. A lamp is lit and looks soft in the evening darkness. I hear the TV news going in the back ground and I ponder the peace that is my everyday anymore. I love this peace. It is something I have longed for a long time and now more days than not are peaceful. I will watch Junior wander in and out. I will watch projects come to completion and marvel at Junior's talent. Daisy will insist on going outside and I will let her out. Mindy will sneak into my lap and hog my attention and for some reason I feel blessed beyond words. As I am able to move about doing a little this and a little that and slowly the day takes shape. I love this life that is so quiet and unassuming. Mindy claws on my knee to jump into my lap and I ignore her. We will snuggle in a bit but for now I have my laptop in my lap so I don't let her come into my lap. I know that my days will continue to fill in and that I will continue to add to my day as I am able and frankly that feels real nice. I feel productive again. I love feeling productive. I love cooking for Junior. I love that I only need to cook one big meal a day. Junior gets up several hours before me so he makes his own breakfast. We eat our big meal at lunch time and for dinner we tend to eat lightly. I like that a bunch. I like to cook but not all day every day. Junior put chicken pieces in the crock pot for me and tomorrow we will have chicken and dumplings for lunch. It is easy to make. We will eat that for a couple of meals and then I will make something else. Life with Junior is not hard at all. I can be me. I have learned to let Junior be Junior. I can't do this on my own though. I'd like to "fix" Junior, to "help" him and frankly he sees that as annoying. These days the goal is to run Junior by God before I start acting on things. God reminds me that Junior sees those "gifts" I want to give as annoying so I learn to let go. Junior does not want me fussing with him when he is hurting. I watch quietly and wait for Junior to tell me what he needs and then I give to Junior. If Junior is grumpy it generally means he is hurting so I go off these days and leave him alone. When life is more manageable he will come to me and we will be good friends. I appreciate that Junior isn't all fussy with me as I have health struggles. He lets me "tell" him what I am dealing with and then I go off and sleep or sit. When I can I "do" and he accepts my energy level. I like that. I give when I can and sit when I can't and frankly I appreciate that he does not nag me to do more to be more. Junior is a good man and each day I am thankful that he is in my life. I love the thankful moments I have each day and relish looking at what I do have instead of being consumed at the lack that is life. When I have an active day I rejoice. When I am unable to be active I find solace in the quiet. I am learning to be content in all things. I find myself looking around the room and falling in love with our new home. I like feeling like I won't ever move again and that feels real nice. I'm the type that grew tired of a "new" home within a year or two of moving into a home. I was always looking for the "next best". These days though I like where I am. Part of old age for me is an acceptance of who I am and what I am. I like that feeling a ton. I no longer try to change to make each person like me. My main goal is to make God happy and in that I find myself settling. It is late and I am sleepy so off to bed I go. Tomorrow is a new day waiting to unfold and that is exciting to me. I am old but life still has many chapters to it so I tend to wait and enjoy each chapter as it comes. May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet