October 5 2013

October 5 2013 Greetings My Friend, I had one of those up and down nights last night. As the years have gone on I have learned to get up, watch TV and at some point I will get tired and fall asleep. For the most part I will sleep soundly and get enough sleep to wake up refreshed I like being a morning person. I have always liked being a morning person. These days though I also learn to be a night owl. When I get up there is Daisy looking at me from her little bed on our bed. I pick her up and take her with me. For the most part she curls up on my lap and sleeps till I pick her up and we go back to bed. More often than not I will sleep the rest of the night. Last night though I was up and down a few times. I for some reason I could not stay asleep. By the last up and down episode I realized that I was not going to be able to be up and functioning for church. I love going to church with Junior. I am sad when I can’t go with him. I will watch a Christian program or two and we will attend Bible study in the evening so I will find a way to have Christian Fellowship for this week I need my church family. This group of people has been about the most loving group of people I have ever met. They take me warts and all. Once more I find that their loving ways towards me helps me grow so much. They get that I struggle to do day to day things. Many tell me of their day to day struggle and I sense they aren’t angry that I can’t volunteer like I once did. I feel they are happy for me and are happy that I can give even if it is so little. On Fridays I love helping fold the bulletins and straighten the pews. E the secretary has her daughter with her as she tries to post the next program, answers the phone and keeps the church running efficiently. After I am done I tend to sit in the office and chat with her for a bit before heading home. I am also so excited that such a young person is in such a serious walk with the Lord. Her husband and her have had a crazy life up to now. As very young people though they turned their life over to the Lord and are trying very hard to walk with the Lord. I am excited for them. Her husband is the youth minister and for me I am excited because this youth group isn’t only about hanging out it also points the kids to Jesus and a personal walk with Him. For many years I was a senior high advisor. I loved those kids and they often helped me as much as I was able to help them. My role tended to be nurturer. I was often the nurse going with kids to the hospital when needed, giving out medication and just being beside them. I also was the cook often as well. In the kitchen I’d get a few kids for each meal to help me prepare the meal, get the kitchen cleaned up and the like. That often presented an opportunity for me to listen and to talk with them about the stuff they have deep inside of them. For some reason peeling potatoes and talking tend to allow for conversations. I often hear that kids today are growing up so fast. It is true but I also find that given an opportunity they still are kids as well. One of the hardest things to learn for me was the way they play through almost everything. About the time I think they won’t get the project done on time, they finish up and show me a beautiful job. Their project is neat and clean and done well, even though they played their way through the whole ordeal. I had one young man that was a terror to most of the adults in our group. For me though he was gentle and often watched after me in a protective way. On our mission trips he was given the responsibility to drive me to the grocery store and drive me for various errands. He showed me that men are tough for sure but there also is a gentle side to them which I had never experienced prior to meeting him. That felt real nice. As my former marriage ended I found these kids coming beside me. They thought I needed to learn to flirt and they taught me their “young” flirting tactics. I tried this out on Junior when I met him and he laughed so hard. He realized that I had been taught by the kids. I was a t a low point many years later after I had been married to Junior. My kids and my relationship tend to be rocky at best and I commented on FB about the hurt my children knew. One of my former senior high kids commented and stated that I was a good mother. She was my daughter’s good friend and they hung out a whole lot. This young lady knew the craziness that went on in that home. At this point I still grieve but because God loves me and holds me and pushes me I find I am able to face life with or without my kids. I take them to prayer daily asking God to watch after them and asking God to teach me to be the mother they need me to be. It is at that point that I let go and wait for God to open their eyes and hearts. At the right time they will come back. More important at this point is that they come to know Jesus personally. I find that I’d rather they live with God in eternity than with Satan in hell. Two of my grandchildren are now 15 and the youngest one is ten. I am sad that I had very little time with them. I did have some time and for that I am grateful. I often took them to church, we baked, played with our big stuffed frog and played with tools that Grandpa set up for them to use. We read the children’s Bible as a bedtime story and put them to bed with a prayer they offered up. Due to my ex’s need to be center stage, I let him have it. I wanted to get away so I was not the “grandma” I dreamed I would be. It is what it is. With God I find I have peace. I did the best I could and I am ok with that. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet