October 21 2013

October 21 2013 Greetings My Friend, The first cup of coffee is in me and I feel the edginess leaving my being. Daisy was in a barking mode a lot this morning so Junior tossed a soft object at her to get her to quit barking. The object landed near my face and frankly I was a bit grumpy when I first got up, which in not the norm for me. I took Daisy outside and finished my night/morning prayers in my chair. I drank one cup of coffee and I find myself being the “old me.” I like that. Daisy is busy watching Junior as he moves around, Mindy is conning the older dogs into a game of chase and frankly life is sweet once more. Slowly life settles into its routines and for me that feels safe and good. I guess I am still healing from the accident and I wound up taking a long nap yesterday. It was also a good 1:30 before I got to sleep as well last night. These days though I am not upset with my late night hours. I have my routine for those hours and I enter into it until sleep wants to overtake me. Junior moved the fireplace into the entry way yesterday and I love it there. He is swapping out area rugs due to the one in the entry way is going underneath the fireplace. The one in the TV area is smaller and we decided to do the swap. Cool mornings are the norm now. Right now I turn on a space heater for a bit more heat in the morning. When the gas line is hooked up we can have the fire place turn on when the house reaches a certain temperature. I like that a lot. I love to look at the fire blazing on and off throughout the day. Junior has the wood burning stove in the kitchen hooked up. I am enjoying the warmth also from the stove. He tends to burn a piece or two of wood during the night and it is warm in the morning when we get up. We rarely use the heat pump these days and I like that. It seems to be cheaper to use the propane gas and wood burner stove so that is what we do. I truly hope he is near ready to start on the kitchen. I won’t hold my breath though because this whole renovating process has taught me that the work will be done, not on my time schedule but on Junior’s and he will get to it. I have learned to be quiet about my disdain for the way he works and frankly I am happy that I have learned to let Junior move at his pace and not mine. I see love on Junior’s face as he fixes on our home. He is doing it for me mostly and when I get too fussy his feelings are hurt so being quiet is hard but the reward for me is the finished product. I also love that Junior listens to my ideas and incorporates them from time to time. Sometimes he does not and frankly I am good with his decisions especially when some of my ideas are implemented I am so thankful that I have learned to pray to try to understand this foreign man that I live with. The prayers help me to focus on Junior’s great traits and overlook some of his hard to understand traits. I believe we enter into less fighting and frankly I have had enough fighting to last a lifetime. When I learn to accept Junior for the man he is I find he is not defensive and it is important for him to look after my needs. I have loved DIY shows lately. On one show it showed how to use a certain kind of paint to make a blackboard. Junior did this and he has started making a list of projects on it and then as he finishes the project he erases that from the list. I tend to be the list maker but his using this method also helps me to see what he has on his agenda. I also like seeing projects erased off the board. I hope he keeps this up to tell you the truth. We now have three fireplaces in this house. Two were from when the house was built back in the 1920’s and the gas fireplace. As we begin to finish the master bedroom down the road I believe putting a gas stove inside the fireplace in there will be nice as well. Again I am grateful for the backup systems we are putting into place for when the power goes out. That first year here we went without power for a week in the middle of winter. It doesn’t happen all that often but now I know we will be good. As a woman I have a tendency to get discouraged with my man. That discouragement could lead to pulling apart and I never want to pull away from my man. I did that one time and I don’t want to do it again. The pulling away was due to abuse and anger and as I married Junior I did not want to enter into that again. That is why I try to pray fairly much daily for my marriage and I often ask God to open my eyes and heart to him. God is always faithful and has opened my eyes and heart to Junior when I am unable to understand his strange to me ways. Junior has a huge tender heart. That is what I love about him. He always considers me in all of his actions and it feels awesome. Junior is the first person who has made me feel like I matter and that I have value. For me to get upset about little things seems unfair. I also like “me” not getting upset about every detail in life like I once did. Life is life and I can be upset about each and every detail or I can learn to live with it and accept life as it happens. I prefer to live with life than to be upset all the time. May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you. Love Janet