September 7, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Another at home day and I am so happy. We went to Williamsburg to see the granddaughter play softball in the world -series we came home and spent two days in Johnson City for doctor appointments and frankly I am wore out from all the running. I need this down time in a big way! Junior is on the phone switching our investment accounts to another company. Our Financial guy has not contacted us at all this year so we believe it is time to move on. I have had my two cups of coffee, oatmeal and now I am eating fruit……so slowly I am making my way through this morning. I’ve opened the front door and am looking out the screen door watching hummingbirds fly in for a drink, listening to the quietness outside. I feel my insides slowly settle down and enjoy the sensation. I find that I needed some down time and I am thrilled it is finally here. We have found a bench or two that I want to incorporate into the seating space around the house and I am looking forward to finding a home for the new pieces. I am anxious to try out the steam mop we bought. Now that Junior has a few layers of wax on the wood floors he feels that a steam mop will be safe to use. Slowly I sip on flavored coffee and enjoy the taste as it goes down my throat. I think a bit and find myself content with life overall. A few short years ago I found life to be hard and depressing now though I find I enjoy it beyond measure. I have accepted that I am not the most popular Mom, Grandma etc. I am sad but at the same time I’d do it all over again. I am finally out of the grips of “That Man.” It has been four years since I have had to have face to face contact and I am finding a peace settle within me. Junior continues to teach me that life with or without family is ok. It is the faith journey that has helped me the most and I find if God loves me then life is good. Anything more is icing on the cake. I have a peace that I did the best at being a mother that I knew how to at the time. I have a peace that I had a violent relationship with my children’s father. It was all I knew at the time but a faith journey and counseling and I no longer have a violent temper. It has been a lot of work but…….I have overcome with God’s help. I continue to seek God to guide me into who He wants me to be and frankly I am learning to be content in that. The more I am able to give myself over to God the more contentment I feel. I have also accepted a body that does not do what it once did. I am good with that to be honest. I have learned to slow down, stay at home for days on end and enjoy being home. I love the beautiful nature that is around me and the quietness of country life. I have learned to do what I can when I can sit when I can’t and life continues to move along fairly nicely. The house continues to take shape as Junior finishes projects. I still feel befuddled with the chaos of renovating so I move through it the best I can. Junior continues to finish projects so I have a hope that someday things won’t be a flutter. As the home takes shape though I sense a day where control and order will reign and I won’t be a mess anymore. Junior has not given in to his hoarding desires and he continues to try to meet me half way in keeping order which is how I thrive best in order. We both work at keeping the house clean and that is nice. The bathroom needs the washing machine moved to the laundry area. Junior hates to do plumbing so it is low on the list to get out of the bathroom. Still I can see a day where even the bathroom will be done with a new ceiling and painted and pretty. The more our home takes shape and has order I find myself not feeling so confused. I truly am a person who needs order and when dis order reigns I am confused. It is what it is. Junior accepts this flaw in my nature and I am grateful. We work around my confusion. I truly believe in the future we will live the orderly life I have lived in the past. I like that feeling a ton. The nice thing is that when life settles again I find myself working back into routines and that brings comfort to my addled brain. As life continues to settle I find myself adding to my days. I have the quilt project, some cross stitch projects and soon I will start doing Yoga again. In my heart I believe that the Yoga will help me stay agile longer. So soon I will start adding that to my day. So life goes astray from time to time and then I work at order again. Frankly I like seeing each day making more sense again. I like that life is full as well. I was so afraid after years of working and keeping up a home etc. that being retired would be boring….that is not so. Being retired means I can move as my body is able to. I sleep as I am able and frankly that feels nice over all. I find that I truly don’t miss the day to day grind of get up, go to work, volunteer etc. I move at a pace that is easier these days and I am grateful. I try to keep my heart focused on God and His direction for my life. I love writing so I write. I love walking so I walk. I love Junior beyond measure and he loves me and well that is awesome! May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet