August 26 2013

August 26, 2013 Greetings My Friend, I am at my morning routine. I am in my chair and I find myself looking out the screen door. I love watching the humming birds come by for a drink. I love listening to the various birds chatter with their sing song way. I think again about the phone call I had with my son. Is this where we will be the friends I long to be? I am not sure but a door has opened up once again and I am opening it. A plays softball on a travel league and they will be heading to VA in a week or so for a game. I was invited to attend and shortly after we hung up I received directions so I do believe we will be going. While we are there A’s brother will have a birthday and I am looking forward to taking him shopping for his birthday. If we can we will also get A and take her….we will see. I am excited to see both kids, Mom and Dad. My health is also on the increase and so I am also excited about that. For the last few years I have struggled to maintain myself. The biggest struggle was my lack of sleep and the less I slept the more I could not think straight. Now that I have the CPAP machine I am sleeping all night most nights and I may wake up but it will only be an hour and then I am back to sleep for the remainder of the night. I love that beyond words. I am able to make routines and keep them. I also understand my stumbling and what have you. I thought because I had put on weight for the first time in my life that my stumbling was due to my being heavier. Nope it is because I have a birth defect where my brain stem is growing inside of my vertebrae. I will need a cane to help me balance and I will continue to be unstable but I should not get much worse. That is a comfort. The Prozac helps me keep the past in the past and I don’t dredge up my old fears like I had been doing for a long time. The Zantac helps with my GERDS and I am not vomiting very often these days. So life is really sweet again. My housework routines are coming together rather nicely. That feels great as well. As Junior finishes up on the deck he is looking at starting the kitchen and I believe he will start that soon. The weather continues to get hotter and working inside will be cooler. The deck continues to help me as well. I sit outside and soak up the beautiful peaceful beauty outside. I come in from time to time to do a bit of housework and I love it. I believe I have finally gone from a working Mother in my mind to a retired woman and my routines now are more in line with my being home all day many days a week. I love my walks out here and the dogs keep me a breast of anything that may be near in the area. After seeing the bears at the side of the road I have found comfort in the dogs tagging along more so. Making it to the end of the road and back is about a half hour and I feel that is a decent walk. With the 3 hills I must go up and down I think the walk is very healthy for me. As I continue to feel settled I also find myself making new goals and frankly that feels nice as well. I am hoping to start my Yoga routine up again. I continue to lift arm weights at night as I watch TV. I do want to be as healthy as I can in old age. Mom comes back to me again. At 64 when she died Mom had a hard time walking across the front room without being out of breath. That of course was due to her smoking. I have never smoked so I hope to avoid that problem. When I was a young person I believed that if I took care of my body, my body would take care of me. Taking care of my body meant to me eat well, exercise and leave drinking and drugs alone. I did try them for a bit but to be honest I did not like the way they felt on my system so I did not continue down that path. In my heart I hope that our time together will be better because I am on the other side of my struggles. We will see. My thinking is clearer again and frankly I like that a lot. I am older and I am not what I once was but that said I think I am once again in decent shape for a person my age. We are also seeing an end in sight for the renovating. That helps me a ton as well. I realize we will always have projects to keep our house in order but the huge job of renovating is quickly coming to an end. I am on the lookout for another volunteer opportunity. I realize that I need to be able to work at my speed and the group projects for now anyway may not be what I can do. I love Friday’s where I help fold the bulletins and straighten the pews. It is a few of us, it is quiet and I seem to handle that fairly well so I am on the lookout for another quiet time volunteer opportunity. I continue to marvel at God for having us move out here. I continue to marvel at how much I love this house. I have never loved a house like I love this one and I truly hope to never move again. Junior’s creative touches also are a marvel to me. I want to do more for the Lord. I truly do. I also find that working for the Lord does not have to be a visible job. It is sometimes done quietly. We donate our money as we are able. We try to love each other as if Jesus were our Savior. We attempt to be “good” people to the best of our ability with God’s direction leading us. So we will head to the other side of the state in a few weeks. Even with our children and grandchildren I will attempt to live as if Jesus were my Savior. We used to read a Children’s Bible to the grandchildren when they stayed with us. Our role will be different and I am in prayer asking God to guide my words, my actions as we come together. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet