August 19 2013

August 19, 2013 Greetings My Friend, In a bit we will leave for a doctor appointment for Junior in Kingsport which is a couple hours away. I think of various chores to do and I sit. I went for my walk and that is now done, I’ve read the Bible and I’ve said my prayers so I am moving along fairly nicely. With the advent of a trip though I have lost the desire to jump up and clean. It is what it is. The house looks pretty good so again not a huge problem. I’ve reminded Junior to come in and take a nap and he has yet to come in. He has learned that if he takes vitamin B 12 his energy level stays up there and his nap is not necessary. Oh there he is I can hear his footsteps and frankly I am happy he will sleep a bit before we leave. I was planning on being home so that throws a clinker into my plans. I am not good when the routines are moved around. I do love to run don’t get me wrong. I get befuddled though and my routines are a flutter. I’d rather run as well. I love the get out and do stuff type of days just as much as I love sitting at home. As the house continues to take shape though the messed up routines is not so bad and I pick up with my routines the next day. All of this is good. Junior hung a screen door yesterday for the front room. Yup I love it. We’ve been opening the door with no screen and to be honest I like the screen door in place. The door is locked and a holdover I am sure from life in the city. I started sewing my quilt last night and have done one of the pieces so far. I continue to think how to put this together and enjoy the thought process. I am planning out things again and I love it. It is what I love to do. I plan on how to decorate, to organize and even how to manage my day. I love it. I am once more doing the thing I love puzzling through life. I’ve even decided on the type of clothes I want to wear in retirement, the hair clips I like and shoes to wear. Alex is back in my lap sleeping on my wrist. Why the wrist I wonder. I will never know. He feels good though. I went outside and sat on the deck. Mary Jane comes and snuggles me. I loved on her. Tiger will let me pet him once in a while but mostly he would rather not be touched. Once more I feel the peace inside of me. I thank God for getting me out of the slump I had been in. I continue to fall in love with our new home, our new state, our pets and life in general. We are where we need to be in our retirement years. Again I marvel because I would have never thought to move out here. The thankfulness of life amazes me yet again. God teaches me to be thankful and when I am I begin to find life a pleasure. I have also learned to praise God for all that He is, does and gives. The more the praises and thankful moments are expressed the more peace I feel. I marvel that I am a happy woman married to a kind and gentle man. I marvel that I love the mundane things in life and that drama is not what I want anymore. Slowly God has changed me as the years have gone on and I tend to like the “Janet” God is creating me to be. I am done beating myself up because I can’t seem to meet another’s expectation of what they want me to be. I also think that part of turning 60 is a realization I am who I am. I am not going to have a fancy career, a high paying job, live in a model home and have a lot of money. I am ok with that these days. I have nothing to prove and frankly it is freeing. I have lived the life I lived. For the most part I am not ashamed of what I was and did. As God keeps reminding me I am ok. I like that feeling to be honest. So I move forward into my older years accepting myself for where I am. At times I am amazed at what I have overcome. For me overcoming has come through God teaching me to be what He wants me to be. I love that anger is not part of my personality anymore. I marvel that the slightest provocation does not set me off into a fit of anger. I like that I don’t cry every day because my feelings have been hurt or my body battered. I love that I am not afraid to talk to people. The shy “Janet” of my youth is long gone. The woman who thought she had no right to feel or do what she wanted with her body is long gone. I don’t have to be stubborn to prove no one is going to own me. I love my husband. He is a joy and sharing life with him is about the most fun I’ve ever had. We laugh with each other, we love God together and life is sweet. I don’t care that others may think he is strange, isn’t the most handsome. To me he is my Mr. Wonderful. We enter into each day as a couple, we think as a couple and frankly it is sweet. As I struggle with my body doing strange things and as his tries to break down we find comfort in each other being beside each other. It is awesome. May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet