June 17, 2013 Greetings My Friend, I am sitting once more. I am aggravated at the sitting but I also accept it knowing as soon as the ear ache goes away with a visit to the Doctor I will once more be about cleaning, writing, Bible study and living life in general. That sustains me when I have these setbacks these days. Underneath it all is my faith. I know that God is for me and not against me. I know that I am a wanted child of God and if no one else in the world wants me I am good with God wants me. Of course I feel Junior is a gift from God. Our friends are a gift from God and as Blanko our cat lays in my lap as I type I even feel love from our pets. I again marvel at our “boring” life. I truly love it. Drama wasn’t all that attractive after a while. Anger was tiring to say the least and now life is full and rich and boring is fine with me. Junior and I are truly meant to be a team and I love it. I have always loved the James Dean kind of guy. The type no one understands and seems like everyone and everything is against. I want to come in to their life and love them and show them that they matter. Dad was this type of guy so I think that is why I am attracted to this personality type. One thing I have learned though is that some people are happy being unaccepted and wont’ work to change their unhappy ways. Junior took all kinds of relationship classes after his divorce. He realized that he had some part in the break-up of his marriage even though his wife left him for another man. He could have been the victim and no one would have blamed him but he also knew that until he figured out why he picked that type of woman he would keep getting into that type of relationship. I too was worried about finding the same type of relationship and did not want to live abuse any longer. I stayed in counseling for several years trying to figure out my need of the James Dean type of guys. To be honest Junior was a James Dean type of guy at one point in his life. He has over-come his past and we are truly a good team. I believe more than anything it is learning how to listen to God and not my own reasoning that has helped me/us move past our dysfunction. I don’t think it is anything either one of us has done on our own. God opens my eyes to Junior often and I see a sensitive area and I learn to react differently toward him. I believe Junior also tries to “hear” God with things in regards to me as well. We truly aren’t doing this marriage on our own. I also believe in order to listen to God that I need to talk to Him daily. I sometimes talk with words and at times I hear God through prayer or through the Bible. I used to pray the ACTSS prayer format each night. Now that I am finally sleeping better I mainly pray through the cross. For me that is where I “met” God. I began to grow as I went through the horror of the cross. I began to see God’s deep love for me/us. During the day I will sit in my chair and pray the rest of the prayer format, most days. I tend to need to keep the cross front and center in my mind and when I do I see God’s love. I marvel when God begins to speak to me. I can’t “hear” words but I know He is speaking to me. Sometimes I see pictures in my mind’s eye. Sometimes I sense strongly that I need to do something and I do. I also read the Bible enough to know if what I am sensing is of God. God won’t have me do things that don’t line up to His Word. People have thought that Junior and I made up the move to VA that it was from God. They can think what they want. For me I know we did what God directed us to do. How do I know? It is the peace I have at where we are at. It is the love I have for where we are living. It is opposite of what I saw me doing as well. Me if I had my way we’d winter in FL and summer in MI….that was how I saw retirement. Junior does not like the heat. I do like it and don’t. I tend to get sick in the heat anymore. That said I’d prefer it to the cold. Anyway God said move and we did. Here in VA is the best of both worlds for both of us. The winters aren’t as cold overall and snow melts fairly much right away. It lines up with Junior’s comfort level and mine. It amazes me. Our country lane is beautiful as I take my daily walks. I generally feel calm and quiet in my spirit as I walk along the road with our dogs tagging along. The people out here have accepted us in such loving ways. Junior tends to be an up-front kind of guy. The people out here tend to “get” Junior and they love him for who he is. In MI people found Junior to be “too much.” The house we are in is perfect even though it is not finished being renovated yet. It will be great as we continue to get older since there is no basement we have our washer and dryer on the same floor a first for the both of us. We have only one small step to get onto the porch so that won’t be a struggle either. Our nearest neighbor is about ¼ of a mile away. Not bad. Junior can get into his lawn art here and people won’t be upset that it doesn’t blend in with the neighborhood. We have a four sided porch that goes around the house and we love it. It is perfect and we would not have chosen anything like this on our own. We prayed when we first came to view the house. We fell in love with the place with the 3 porches, Junior has added a fourth porch. It took us two weeks or so to get a view of the inside of the house and the minute we walked in we knew we wanted to live here. The house had not been lived in for years and prior to that many people rented the place. It was a shambles. We loved it anyway and continue to love it. The peace we have is awesome. I don’t ever want to move again which is new for me. The minute I moved into a home I wanted another, better, prettier house. This time I want to stay and never leave. Again it isn’t me, I believe God knew me/us better and gave us what was just right for us. Are you listening to God? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet