June 15, 2013 Greetings My Friend, I am moving through the morning and it feels nice. I have read the Bible, talked on the phone to my son and went for a walk….yup life is sweet! Today’s phone call with my son felt like maybe he is moving past anger at what happened when he was growing up…..that was my sense. I hope at some point my kids know that I did the best I could with the knowledge I had. My growing up my Father beat the crud out of us. My ex beat the crud out of me and my reality to that point is that is what men did when they were provoked. I had never met a man till my 40’s anyway that kept his anger in check so I thought that is what men did. I had a temper as well. I learned early if you are pounded on then look for someone else to pound on. As I met my bully I began to not like being pounded on so I entered into counseling and I learned how to not use my fists all the time. It took me years to retrain myself but these days I don’t have the anger or the need to pound on people like I used to. I am able to walk away from explosive situations. I love it to be honest. Junior and I rarely fight and we have never needed to use fists. We know to walk away till we cool down and then we can discuss a situation and yup it feels good. I love that the last many years we don’t even argue but maybe once a year or so. Junior wants my best. I learned that in counseling many years ago and the more he wants my best I find myself wanting his best. Junior has his strange ways. I have mine but together we make a great team and frankly I love it. Our humor meshes with each other and it feels good. I am not the one that is constantly made fun of. I love it. I am a good side kick because I will be the fall guy if it will mean a laugh or two. Junior though doesn’t need to use me as a fall guy. We can get people giggling at us quickly. I am always in for a giggle or two so I love it. To me if people are laughing then you don’t get slugged. A carry over from days of anger and abuse and many people find Junior and I to be funny people. I like it. With Prozac I find that I am comfortable in my own skin these days. I am who I am and I can’t be anybody but me. I have always wanted to conform, to change to the crowd. I no longer can do this and frankly it feels good. I am also good with the fact that not everyone will get my sense of who I am and frankly as long as God is happy with me that is all that matters these days. I’ve come a long way trying to please everyone. I don’t try to be offensive. I do try to be me. I have thoughts and I don’t strive to have the same thoughts and feelings as everyone else. I am “me.” It is ok. I even like me these days. Junior keeps teaching me that he is comfortable with his unusual ways. Plenty of people really like Junior, a whole lot don’t and he is not concerned as long as God is happy that is all that matters to him. We are comfortable with each other and our strange ways. I want to have a spotless house. Junior hates that much order. I have learned to lesson my standards some. Junior strives to meet me in the middle and frankly I love it. We both tend to do things within the house and the yard. Through the years we have found what we truly enjoy doing and do it. Junior loves doing laundry. I could care less as long and my clothes are clean I’m happy. I do wash the sheets once a week and lately Junior washes them I tend to dry them and put them on the bed so again we enter into housework with a united spirit. I can’t wash dishes by hand much since I have allergy problems so he does them and again it works. I’d rather have a dishwasher but Junior doesn’t want to spend that kind of money so he does the dishes. I haven’t cooked in several months now…..for some reason I am not doing it. I can’t give a logical reason but I am not. Junior cooks sometimes, I eat out a lot and frankly it is working for the time being. I do hope to get back to cooking but for now this is where we are at and “that is ok.” Junior accepts this quirk in me and I am thankful. I love that Junior gives me space to be “me.” I struggle doing what I’ve done for a lifetime. He isn’t mad or upset or anything. I do what I can when I can and sit when I can’t and Junior accepts this struggle within me. I find myself tolerant of Junior’s to me strange ways. I struggle I have to admit that but I generally will talk to God not complaining but to ask for help in accepting my guy. God has been faithful and helped me move past my moment of frustration. The more Junior accepts me as I am the more I find myself wanting to accept Junior as he is. Neither of us wants to be better than the other. We do want to be each other’s friend and companion. I like that a ton. Sometimes my ways drive him nuts, sometimes his ways drive me nuts but taking our frustration to God often helps us accept the other one and move out of the frustration. We tend to focus more on where God is leading us and do those things and yup it is wonderful! May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet