May 22, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Since God has asked me to give more of myself to Him and I found the stubborn part of me not wanting to, I have been in prayer asking God to help me overcome this struggle. Slowly I find peace settling within me and I find that one of my greatest wonderments starts to take shape. I often wonder what heaven will be like, what eternity will be like. Sometimes I get the notion that we will be a peace of God like a cell in the brain or such. Where did I get that idea? Then I sometimes think we will sit around on clouds playing harps and that is it. I can conjure up all kinds of strange thoughts. As I find myself feeling a little more at peace about allowing God to have all of me I find my thoughts turning to heaven again. This time I almost sense God telling me to look at Jesus after the resurrection. As I begin to recall the time that Jesus was on earth after He rose from the dead I find myself feeling calmer about heaven. I first see Mary in the garden asking Jesus where her Lord went. Jesus then says “Mary” and her eyes are opened to the fact that the man standing before her is Jesus. Mary is so excited to see Jesus. I always feel excited as I read this. As I do my recall I see Jesus come alongside the disciples as they walked down the road. They were upset about Jesus’ death and were talking about all that had happened. Jesus then told them about the Scripture that said he would die and rise from the dead. It was getting dark so they invited Jesus to stay with them. They shared a meal and Jesus took the bread and broke it and at that point the disciples realized it was Jesus they were with. Another scene shows Jesus walking into the room through the door, not an open door but the door closed. He then talks with the disciples. In another scene I see Jesus grilling fish for the fishermen out in the water. Overall I see Jesus with His body doing what we do in life. I see Him walking, reaching out to touch people and the like. As I process this information I find that all the strange questions I can conjure up begin to settle in my mind. I still don’t know exactly what heaven will be like but I feel calmer. I sense we will have purpose. I find myself often remembering that in heaven there will be no more pain or sorrow. As I struggle with this life’s major hurts I find that I truly long for a day of no pain or sorrow. I find also that I need to believe in an after- life. I find I need to believe in heaven and that thought comforts me. The struggles of this life will pass away and we live forever and ever. The eternity tends to send my thoughts off. I can’t imagine forever and ever. I try to but I can’t. I can only relate to what I know now. I know that we will have days of bliss, days of struggle. That is what I know. To be in a time that goes on forever and ever with no pain or sorrow? It is strange but I do long for such a thing. From time to time I even ponder Hell. I don’t stay with that thought very long. Generally when I think of Hell I think of Jesus dying. I think about the scourging. I think about bone and glass tied to the whip. I then think how deep the welts were on Jesus’ back and I generally want to cry. I think about how much blood Jesus must have lost. I see Him being mocked. That was cruel as well. I see the robe being put on his very tender back and think about major discomfort. I think His back doesn’t want the garment on it. Next I see nails pounded in Jesus flesh again I wince. We were not made to be hammered to a tree. Next I see Jesus struggling to get air into His lungs. He will pull up to fill His lungs, sink down till the air is out of his lungs only to rise up again. He did this for hours. Next I see Jesus’ tender back riding up and down as He tries to get air in his lungs and I imagine that His back was tore up even more. I have read that the scourging very likely could have taken His skin away and bare bone was exposed. Yup my stomach generally feels like a knot. As I go through Jesus’ last hours I marvel at the compassion He had. With all that pain Jesus prays for those who were hurting Him. “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Me….I’d probably want to cry, to not talk, to be about my pain. Not Jesus. He prays for those who were so cruel. Of course there is Jesus telling John to take His mother home with him to live. Lastly the one thief believes in Jesus, admits his sin and asks Jesus to be with Him in heaven. Jesus told the thief that he would be in paradise that day. That last interaction always gives me so much hope. From what I understand a faith journey is asking to let Jesus into our lives with a true heart. I also think we need to open ourselves to Jesus and the changes that He will make within us. As I have entered into this faith journey by asking to be forgiven of my sins and that Jesus would be Savior in my life, I see myself changing from what I once was to what I am now. It is not generally an instant change, at least it wasn’t for me. I can now look over the past many years and I see a very different person. I find myself talking to God on and off throughout the day. I am thankful, grateful and I now have a confidence I did not have at one time in my life. As I hurt I feel God’s tender touch on me. As I grow I feel God’s gentle direction in my life. I find myself trying harder and harder to please God. My goal is to give the hope I have. My hope is Jesus. What is your hope? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet