May 15, 2013 Greetings My Friend, As I read the devotions today I am for God though that we praise Him, it is for our own good that we praise Him. The more I learn to tell God how wonderful He is, how awesome His creation is and to thank God for all that I have I begin to see that God is definitely in control. For me I like someone being in control. I like to control things only in controlling I never feel like I have things under control. I often will seek out a stronger personality to be friends with. I have tried to control things only to find I had no control over a situation. The more I praise God, the more I see what I do have. I love seeing God’s creation and am I am in awe of what details there are in creation. Take our bodies for example. My first moment of awe is we are able to have babies. A baby is a miracle to me. It is conceived by a man and a woman. It comes into being after growing inside the woman for 9 months. Amazing if you ask me and how about our bodies functioning? We have teeth to grind food up, we have digestive juices that break the food down and it is sent through our system to nourish it. The waste product is gotten rid of. Amazing! Sometimes I focus on the grain of sand or galaxies. Then I begin to look at animals. We have 4 dogs right now. Duke is a Blood Hound. Then there are the terrier looking dogs….the difference in their sizes amaze me. I marvel at the seasons. They come each year. They are orderly. Each day will turn into night. Again the more I look the more I am amazed. About the time I feel so alone in this world I look at God and His creation and I realize that God is control and I am not alone in this big scary world. That helps me face days where I feel so unwanted. God wants me and well that feels good. I heard one time a lady say “she is the child of the King.” Yup that can make me feel like I am a wanted child of God. So I feel rejected by family, that is ok, God wants me. Some days that is about the only way I can keep on keeping on. As an abused child I often dreamt of marrying a man that was bigger and stronger than my Dad. I had felt then the man could put Dad in his place. Of course I did marry a man bigger than Dad and he abused me much the same way Dad did. Had I learned to open all my heart and talk to God I would have been spared a lot of pain. I did discover talking to God with a sincere heart upon my divorce and even in my depression these days I know God loves me. I am not alone in this big at times very scary world. Then I begin to see people in my life. Junior, the man loves me. I’ve been told for so long that I am stubborn and probably deserved a lot of the wrath I got. Junior loves me. He isn’t afraid of my brain. He also will be upfront with me and I appreciate that. I am able to handle Junior’s comments because I know that he loves me. He handles my comments because he knows I love him. We are honest with each other even if the honest answer can hurt sometimes. Each day I thank God for Junior. I ask God to teach me to be the wife Junior needs. There are times when God opens my eyes to a struggle Junior is going through. I am able to step beside Junior and offer the support he needs. There are times God has taught me to not say anything. Junior is in pain each and every day due to his back, his amputation and his hip. I’d like to “poor baby” Junior all over the place. God has taught me to watch quietly and let Junior work through his pain. When Junior needs me he tells me what he needs and I do for him if I can. Often Junior tells me he is so grateful that I don’t comment on each moment I see him in pain. The same goes for me. I often will mention that I am sick. I am not wanting to be “poor babied”. I want to give information so I can be left to deal with my struggle. After several months of having rolling stomach pain I said “Take me to the hospital” and there we found out I needed my appendix out. I never had major pain, just enough discomfort to be miserable. I wanted my husband to know I was struggling so if I was cranky he understood it was not him. Again in the praising I find I have much. I find I am wanted. I did this with Junior when we were first married and a good 10 years I wrote him a note each day. I started writing the note so when he came home he “felt” touched by me since I got home from work 3 hours later. I found myself only telling Junior what I admired in him. The more I told Junior what I liked it got harder for me to be constantly critical. I found myself accepting irritating habits. I found myself overlooking a cranky moment. Junior has been safe. I tell him often how safe I feel with him. I believe taking our marriage to prayer both in being thankful and asking for help has helped us to be close to each other. God teaches me to be the wife Junior needs. The more Junior and I are together the closer we are growing….it is wonderful. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet