February 13, 2013 Greetings My Friend, I am up and going through my morning routine of FBing, reading my daily Scripture passages online and journaling. The house is quiet. B and J are here and sleeping. They tend to stay up half the night and sleep most of the day. Junior has had his nap and is back to his putzing around. I am alone with my thoughts and enjoying the quiet. I am in the last stages of a cold. I took vitamin C and I feel the cold leaving my system already so that is a nice feeling. I’ve talked to M and her retirement seems to be going the way mine went. First she was let go due to breaking her leg. Then she has come down with shingles. That is how I felt when I retired I kept running into roadblocks with my health. I believe I’m on the other side of my struggles finally and can begin enjoying retirement more fully now. I don’t think I will ever get the burst of energy I had at one point in my life but I am finding that I can do what I once did only a lot slower. That is ok. I love the walks out here in VA. I love the quiet neighborhood we live in. I love the horses, wild animals etc. For me retirement seems to finally have the peace I’ve longed for most of my life. We have enough money to live on and that feels wonderful as well. I’m not a high maintance type of woman. Junior loves me because I am easy to please. He loves that I don’t need the “best” or the fanciest stuff. I like being with Junior and find that is about the best gift I’ve been given. Junior was told he was boring by several women he dated when he became single again. To me I love Junior’s boring ways. There is no drama in our lives and after living in drama for 40 some years I like living in “boring” now. I marvel that a trip to town is fun. Our sitting side by side in our recliners watching TV at night is fun. I love watching Junior wander around renovating the house. He seems he is doing little or nothing and then all of a sudden a room is finished and looks awesome. Junior’s way of working is foreign to me. At first I found myself getting frustrated and then I started asking God to help me accept this man and the way he does his life. God has been faithful and has shown me that Junior is giving me his best in the way he does life. So as I take my frustration to God I find a peace and contentment settle within me. As I see finished products of his labor I am amazed and in awe of what this man is capable of. I love learning to see Junior’s strong points and not focusing on his not so strong points. It is a blessing. Junior tends to be a bit upfront with his words. He is not generally understood and can sound harsh. God has taught me though to look at Junior’s heart. That is what I have come to love in my man, his heart. He has a tender heart for the lost and lonely of the world. We often will reach out and help people that are in need of a friend or even “things.” I heard about Junior’s short coming yet again the other day. Junior told someone they were fat. Yep that is blunt and to the point. I’d rather he did not do that but he is who he is. It is what he knows and does so I can be angry at him constantly or I can begin to see beyond the roughness that is part of who Junior is. God has taught me to look past the roughness. I have never been touched tenderly by a man until I met Junior. I have never had a person look out for my best interests until I met Junior. Since the fall, I see how much I mean to this man and he is going to stay by my side no matter what. So I accept that Junior has flaws. I’d rather he didn’t but to be realistic, we all have flaws and over all Junior is a gem. I’d rather be with no other man than Junior. Through the years I’ve learned to tell Junior that I don’t want to hear things, like I’m lazy. He was big on letting me know I was lazy after I retired. As the years went on we found that I wasn’t lazy but had issues that I had no control over. So I told him he can’t say those things anymore, I give him what I can when I can and he is accepting that. As upfront as Junior can be he accepts when I get in his face so to speak. I tell Junior that I don’t want him saying things or doing some things. He stops and accepts my upfront attitude. As I have found out that some of my “laziness” is due to being older and health issues and Junior sees me doing what I can when I can, he begins to truly accept me for what I can do these days. Junior understands as well on another level. He is minus a foot, has horrible back problems and he struggles to do everyday things often. As I accept Junior for what he can do, he begins to accept me for what I can do. I marvel that we have so many similar struggles and yet different. We both struggle with PTSD. Junior gets angry easily at times with his PTSD and with mine, I talk and talk about my fear. He is a man and I am a woman and we handle life the way we are wired to handle life, anger or talking. We both had crazy growing up years. We had a crazy first marriage and we come together understanding each other as many people can’t. God has shown me love in so many beautiful ways. Junior can seem to be too upfront but I understand him and he understands me. I believe God brought us together and when I asked God if I should marry this man, God told me to go and not look back. So Junior has his flaws for sure. I love him like no tomorrow as well. He is good to me and I give this man my heart. I am his helpmate and I love it. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet