January 12, 2013 Greetings My Friend, I scared myself last night. As I was falling asleep I thought that I’d like to make some chili or even some beef stew. When these types of thoughts hit me these days I know that in short order that piece of my life will be back again. Since our trip to MI last fall I have not cooked much of anything. Junior cooks on occasion and frankly I’ve gotten in the habit of buying lunch out and eating a light dinner. Being a cook once more appeals to me. I am learning to accept these crazy changes within me. I don’t like them but I accept them. I find the more patient I am with myself the more I begin to come back to keeping house like the way I like and the more I cook. The two moves in two years and retirement really threw me for a loop. Now that the house is not so much tools, ladders and boards and looks like a home I am finding myself not so confused about how to cope with the mess. I am not a person who operates in disorder and frankly renovating feels like disorder to me. Now that order is coming to my life again I feel like I am coming back to life. I have also been in VA long enough now that I am also finding things to do with other women and the like which helps me. I continue to be amazed at my church family and how they have welcomed me into their community. I think it would be hard to not be involved with a church community. I find so much support from my women’s Sunday school class and I have branched out from there. The women have come beside me as I have struggled emotionally as well. That has been one of the hard things about moving. I have needed a support network and now I have that in place I feel whole again. I like being around other women. I need their input and their friendship. Some even allow me to help them in their day to day life. My energy level still stinks but I also am learning how to work with it and that too feels nice. My staying awake till very late into the night is settling into a routine and again that feels nice. I’d rather go to bed earlier but I accept being up. For the first time in my life I am not afraid of night time. I have started doing a little housework in the evenings while I am up. I am actually splitting up housework and doing a little throughout the day and night. It works, the house stays neat like I like. This morning Junior put in an electrical socket by the chair in the entryway. I can plug into my computer as I sit in my chair and the internet. That is nice. I love my new spot. The entryway tends to be where I sit during the day being on the computer, writing my blog, reading the Bible and praying and talking on the phone. At night I go into the TV area. This divides my day up and I like that feeling. A few years ago I read an article about having different areas within your home to write. I have begun that process and enjoy it a bunch. When I am in the entryway I tend to have a more business mindset going and when I am in the TV area I tend to feel like I’ve gotten home from work. Down the road I am sure I will have an area to work on the enclosed porch. I’d like a small table out there to sit at and eat or drink coffee. I like looking out into the property and the woods and watching the wildlife. I find that my mind settles down when I am anxious or I can begin to sort through things when I need to. For me it is calming. By doing the different areas I find staying home so much easier these days. Instead of running around all the time I can now change my view. Of course when the weather is nice I am out walking and enjoying the beautiful scenery. The walks also help settle my thoughts and help with the osteoporosis. This woman who used to have to be on the run all the time is now content being at home. Poor Junior when he was dating a few women told him he was boring. I told him when I met him I was looking for boring. I was tired of drama and living a roller coaster life. Junior has taught me how to be content being at home doing not much of anything and frankly I love it. I tell Junior often that I appreciate our boring life. Being a late night woman is also strange but I am getting used to that as well. Again my night fears are gone now. It took me till now to finally learn that things aren’t lurking out my door to harm me. That is another thing. For most of my life I thought by the time I got to my older years I would finally have life fully figured out. I find that not to be the case. These days a lot of life is learning how to cope with a body that is not what it once was. I am still figuring out family relationships. That said though I am more content with life. I believe it is my faith journey that sustains me these days. I have upsets still but I no longer feel alone. I am amazed when I get to the other side of a struggle now. I am amazed I was able to do things I did not think I could handle. God guides me. God comforts me and I continue to seek Him at this point in all areas of my life. Yup life is sweet. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet