November 10, 2012 Greetings My Friend, Our floors need to be redone big time. I am amazed that a coat of wax though makes them look so much nicer. It will be a while before we begin the floors but for now the wax makes the floors look ok. At this point I will start keeping the floors clean. I cannot use a string mop very well and I will start using an electric mop. It is exciting to see Petey with more energy. He is so tiny and he is now able to jump up on the bed. He weighs less than a pound. I woke up the other morning and there was Petey. That was a precious moment for sure. I love watching Petey wander around all the dogs. He is comfortable with them and will wander around with them roaming in the house. The dogs pay him no attention and he pays no attention to them. Now the older cats if found on the floor will be chased. I find that Sundays see me sleeping a good portion of the afternoon. Saturday I find trying to do housework to be a challenge. I tend to sit more and stare. I have decided it is what is and I also know when the energy level rises I will again begin doing things. Gone are the days where I have a chat with myself about my lack of doing. These days I give myself permission to do what I can when I can and sit when I must. Junior and I are once more doing a date night. I am grateful that Junior understands my need to be taken out on a date. I love looking nice for him. I love when we hold hands. It is something that seems to move me. I love being attached to a man who seems to want me. Date night tells me in my heart that I am more than a housekeeper, cook. I think I continue to marvel that Junior is enjoying me as a friend, lover and companion. We have talks that are deep and personal, not every day but often. We share our desires and our goals with each other and frankly it feels nice. Junior is my #1 cheerleader and that feels nice. He loves when I check the stats on how many people are following my blog. He shares my joy and that is about as sweet as life can get. Junior is my best friend. These days I find I am not grieving relationships. I have the ones that God has placed in my life and I find myself deeply enjoying them. These people accept me as I am, love me and then cheer me on. That feels nice to be honest. I love when they laugh at my antics. I love knowing that I matter. Right now B is staying with us for a few days. I always enjoy her visits. We get the girl talk out of our system, Junior gets a break from my need to talk and it works. B uses our washer and dryer, our shower of which she has none at her house. She helps with the cooking and we enjoy that as well. I am learning how to be a southern cook. Again I feel that our home is part B’s home as well. She has been here from the beginning and frankly I love sharing our home with her. B has her things she likes to do. She came in yesterday and within short order we had new scents in the wax burners. I was going to change them in the morning and she did it first thing. It is funny. She helps keep the house in good order as well. She likes washing windows and I don’t so it all works. We have our areas we like to work on and frankly the house stays nice due to her helping out. B has a real bad back, plus other health issues. Sometimes she sleeps a lot. I find that to be ok. I understand that pain makes people very tired. I see it with Junior so I am good with her nodding out on me. I have my moments of snoozing although not like I was doing. I take my walks and do what I do and when she wakes up we resume our chats or housework or whatever. B loves our animals and they love her. I could have a moment of being jealous but I have decided not to. B and Junior have a way with animals that is astounding to me. I always feel safe when we travel and B is here taking care of the children. If she has to go home which is an hour from us then she takes the cat that has grandmal seizures. He has to be medicated and a day away won’t work. She takes him and he likes being with her and it all seems to work. I am back to that thought again. I love the people in my life who enjoy me and want me around. I am finally understanding that I am not important to everyone, especially family and you know what that is ok. I find a deep sense of enjoyment with those that want me. My life is not what I had envisioned it to be but again that is ok. God keeps showing me that I matter and am important. I always thought if no one loved me, family would and frankly that is not the case in my life. That does not mean I am worthless though. I love when I enter a room and people smile. It feels good and that is what I try to focus on these days. My life has value and worth. It isn’t what I thought it would be but that is ok. I love my “and that is ok” way of thinking these days. Instead of mourning what I don’t have I have learned to love what I do have. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet