October 20, 2012 Greetings My Friend, I am about as excited as I can get right now. I hung up the phone from an hour and half chat with my mentor and I am giddy. She has been telling some of this stuff for a while and I heard but not all the way like I did today. Today I got it in a big way and began my new journey. For years I have read the Bible through each year. I slacked off when I had cancer due to tiredness and as we moved our lives have gone all astray so staying up on Bible reading has been difficult but I’ve managed to get through the Bible each year. This year, I have fallen way behind. I’ve started wanting to do Bible study on line, reading too. My friend gave me a site to go to and today I began a journey I’m excited to go on. She gave me her way and I’m excited to start. For a few years I loved buying a Bible study to do alongside of my daily read through. I loved it. Then my health went south, I retired and a new life began and I’ve been amiss for some time now. Because of my overactive brain I have to start and stop and several things at once type of doing. It is who I am and how I operate. I feel today is the start back on a journey I’ve been wanting for some time. I have longed for those old mornings in the Word. One of the suggestions I had was pull up on the computer a Christian leader I enjoy and listen. I did that and it was awesome. In Michigan I loved Christian radio and on my down times I’d listen for most of the day. Out here the radio signal is poor and thus I can no longer listen. My friend also told me how to bring up the broadcasts and my journey in that area began today. Janet is one happy camper and feels that another piece to the puzzle has been put in place. My work routine I believe will get better as well. I rarely nap these days. This new Doctor has been so instrumental at giving me back an energy level I haven’t seen in years. I’m not where I want to be but I am more than I was and it feels wonderful. I no longer go through long bouts of depression. I am gaining my energy back in my walks as I have started increasing my route. I sleep at night….yup life is moving in a much better direction at last. I can’t tell you how exciting it was to sweep and listen to the Christian broadcast. My friend also opened my eyes to my fears and my need to talk about them. I think I can truly begin to let go and move on with my life….15 years later but better late than never! I thought that I was using my situation to open the door for others to come out of their struggles. It worked on occasion. Today I learned if the person needs to know that I know then God will guide my heart and my conversations. I don’t have to bring it up all the time. As I look on my journey I see where God has been my protector. It started when I was asked for a divorce. There were times I cried and God held me. I pulled away and then went back into my kid’s lives at a later date. As we moved I realized how much of a struggle this person gave me in my spirit. One of the reasons I believe we moved is for me to finally be free of all that junk. Then when I could not let go of the fear which I knew was irrational I was given Prozac. To say that I can go days without thinking about Him….to me is a miracle! My friend taught me today that using my “example” though was not helpful and it was time to let it go. I get it and it feels so freeing! My friend has had some of the same journey so she was talking to herself as well… I don’t feel alone, I don’t feel God hates me….it is time to let go some more, for me I believe the last leg of the letting go is here. I can begin to truly live in the peace I have longed for. Gone are the memories of…… that also feels freeing. Junior has been trying for some time to teach me to let it go only I did not understand. My friend was able to give me a clear picture that I truly was able to grasp. My Junior is very happy with my mentor right now. I love walking with God; it is about the best feeling in the world. I feel bad when I don’t “get it.” God though will keep working with me until I do though and that feels wonderful. I’ve been given up on so much in my life that I am grateful to know that God won’t give up on me. My friend also taught me more about spirits today. She said my kids knew. I said no I try very hard to say very little about their Dad to them. She said if I say it to anybody that spirit is in the air and they know somehow. On some level they know of my struggle and as I struggle they feel it. You know….like when you see your child hurting from some event at school or such. They feel my struggle even if I am not telling them. So beginning today….my goal is to not have a need to mention that name again…..for my sake and for theirs. I am grateful I don’t hate their Dad, I really don’t but now he is a part of my past all the way and no longer a name I need to mention. It is like those school friends I haven’t seen or talked to in 40 years now…they are a memory that occasionally pops in my head, some not even that often. It was then, this is now. I get it! May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet