August 11, 2012 Greetings My Friend, “Into each life some rain must fall,” is rolling around my brain right now. I am still recovering from the fall a few weeks ago. I want to clean, to walk, to do life and here I sit. I got up this morning got ready to go to church and even made it to my classroom for Sunday school and then……I felt weak and unable to deal with my morning so I found Junior and we went home. Sometimes I’d like to raise my fist and scream “Lord, enough already!” Of course right away I see Job and all his struggles. Job loved God with all he had and then Job fell on hard times. His children all died in one day all 10 of them. He lost all his cattle, his lively hood and then his body broke out in big sores that were all over his body and hurt real bad. Job’s wife was not nice and said why don’t you curse God and die…. Job replied that we often love God when life is good should we not love God when life is bad? (Paraphrased) Yup, I think that Job was right. I can see those moments when God gave me, comforted me and loved me. I have learned that God gives us only what we can handle and well at present I am dealing with the effects of a fall. I am tired of retirement and being ill and overcoming. I am real tired of all of the junk. I am on the young side and feel I should be able to go and do life without a lot of struggle. In the last few years, everything is a struggle. Through that time God has held me, gave to me. We have moved to a new state and love it here. This house we’ve been given is awesome, a lot of work but in the end it will be so wonderful. Both of my children are talking to me again….I’ve been given a new life and a lot of wonderful things. So I struggle with my health and am frustrated beyond words. I am tired of overcoming, of working through another round of issues. Then it occurs to me that maybe I am doing exactly what God wants me to do and be. In this struggle I may have the opportunity to share to “hope” I have. How many times has God sent me to the porch to watch His magnificent creation run around in front of me on the front porch of my house? How about Junior? I’ve been given a husband who loves me, adores me and cherishes me. That is so awesome to be a wife who is loved so dearly. Until I asked Jesus with a sincere heart to live with me, I only knew the painful side of life. In Jesus I have found life to be sweet and I am not alone so I deal with each set back and hope for the day things will turn around. I called my daughter recently and we talked and talked. She has low blood pressure and has blacked out several times. I started blacking out a few years ago only I did not realize it. As a young person I learned to live with dizziness, to not shower in real hot water etc. The last few years I find myself waking up bewildered. I fell asleep and had no signs of being sleepy or anything. After the fall I realized I have probably been blacking out for a few years now. Due to the depression I did not realize I was blacking out. The Doctor’s at the hospital felt I blacked out due to low blood sugar. That did not make sense since learning I had hypoglycemia I have been vigilant about eating every 4-6 hours so I would not get the headaches and vomit. I had just had lunch before we went to the park. It did not make sense and then I remembered about my low blood pressure. I have run low my whole life and it is part of what I have dealt with. The black outs began to make sense. I don’t have any warning right before I black out. I was also told about how important sleep is. That is another struggle I have dealt with my sleep. I have struggled to get to sleep and stay asleep for many years now and my lack of sleep may be a problem with my health. The light bulb is going off a mile a minute now. My head says when I figure all this out I will finally be able to deal with my struggles. My goal at present is to have a good decade in my 60’s since my 50’s are almost gone now. That would be awesome! I have had my appendix out, my gallbladder. I have had cancer and dealt with problems from my cancer medicine. The 50’s have been hard decade for me. The 60’s are starting to be my goal now. I will finally turn the corner and live life….that hope drives me. So I talked to my daughter and learned some new stuff to deal with my health issues. I have been sick and had to sit still. I have talked to God a ton and heard Him a whole lot. I have learned to lean on God, on my husband. My counselor taught me that way back when and for the first time in my life I feel loved and wanted. So I deal with my struggle and pray there will be a day when I feel good more than I feel bad. God has given me Prozac and I don’t live in fear like I had been. In all my struggles God has always guided me, directed me and I love God even more. Job’s comment comes back to me. “Do we worship God only when things go well?” (Paraphrased big time.) So God has stepped beside me held me when life hurt. God has given me precious people to love and be loved by. God has brought my children back to me. Yup I still want God to be God in my life, even if life is hard at times. May God bless you and keep you, make His life shine upon you. Love Janet