July 21, 2012 Greetings My Friend, As I have gone through counseling I have learned that when you worry about every detail in your life you tend to be a self-centered person. At first this seemed strange because a lot of the worry was other centered such as “do I look ok” seems other centered. It is not. I have a tendency to want to make life all about me. I can site many reasons for me turning out this way and they may have contributed to my self- centered seeking ways. At this point in my life, I am who I am and I am changing as God directs me to change. As I read the Bible I also have a tendency to bring my “warped” thinking to the Bible. God is gracious and He always redirects me when I need to “hear” with a different set of ears. That is why I pray each time I read my Bible. I want to “hear” God, not what I think. I have been in and out of counseling so much of my life that I begin to view life from a counselor’s perspective at times. So I read my Bible with my counselor hat on at times. God will say He is the most important. Like” there shall be no other God’s before me.” At times the bells of counseling go off in my head and I question things. I talk to myself probably to God as well I’m not sure. Isn’t that self- centered? God is ever patient and I know deep in my being that God is God and I am a no-body. I hit the override button and then as I begin to make God #1 I begin to come around. That is the peace I feel lately. As I pray to God and ask Him to be number one in my life, God then begins to be number one. It is like my notes to Junior. The more I told him he was wonderful, the more he became wonderful in my mind’s eye. I believe the “A” part of “ACTSS” is important and has deepened my faith journey a whole lot. The more I tell God He is wonderful, the more I know He is wonderful. I am not brainwashing myself. I am learning that God is truly God and in that He is wonderful. I begin to see God’s power. Early on in my faith journey I focused on God’s power. David often said something like “marching on the tree tops” as he fought battles. That is where God was for David. I can almost see it as I read it. I can get the powerful thing as far as strength goes. The longer I journey I begin to see power is also in other areas. To me it is astounding to know “love”. God is a God of love. One person at a time I begin to love those I am near and at times I am astounded. Love can move mountains. Now wars will be with us till the very end. Actually the very end will result in war. The war is between Satan and God. Still war is not leaving just because I love like God does. Good vs. evil. That is the war that started in the Garden and will be here till the rapture. So I may go about loving and I still may get hurt. Still loving as God loves me is the way I want to live my life. God has allowed me to go through depression. To be honest it stinks. I want to be back to the girl that found hope in everything and I want to go out and “be” me. Nope, I struggle again and again with depression. Right now I am trying to get myself motivated into being a measure of the housekeeper I once was. I am trying to get myself out and walking. I have poor bones that need weight bearing exercise. I am a bit overweight. I need to get out of my chair and moving and I sit. I like sitting these days more than interacting with life. I am in prayer almost daily asking God to help me move beyond this moment. God is helping me to move. I am now on Prozac which is opening doors that have been closed for a few years now. God is guiding me and I am attempting to listen and do. It is a slow process and I feel impatient with the slowness. So I go back to prayer. I focus on God’s wonderful attributes. God is faithful. God loves. God is powerful. Truly God is wonderful. The question of isn’t that self-centered begins to fade. I start seeing God’s majesty and I marvel. As I pray I realize there is only one God and I don’t have to learn a bunch of god’s. That makes me happy. Now God is 3 in one…..that can be confusing at times but then I realize God is one….Father, Son, Holy Ghost is one God and that means only one to serve. That settles my mind a whole lot. As I look on creation I begin to believe God created it all. I don’t believe we were nothing and a big bang happened and a snake came up out of the ooze. I believe God created the heavens and the earth. I believe God created them in six days and rested on the 7th day and that is why we take Sunday’s and worship God. It is a day to immolate our Creator. He set the standard because we need to do that to live the way we were created. God is about Himself and in God I begin to move into life with a more peaceful pace. The Bible is continuing to open my eyes to God’s majesty. I learn how I was created and then I am more comfortable in my own skin and you know what? “That is ok.” So I am the girl who asks too many questions, is overly active and can be silly. God shows me that He is creating me to be this way. In this way then I am able to relate to people who can understand my struggles in life. Sometimes I help another out of the struggle. Sometimes God puts someone in my path to help me. I can write a gift God has given me and in writing about my life, I can help others. Yup, I think God is wonderful and God may sound self-centered but in the end God is right. He is the creator after all and so He should know. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet