June 6, 2012 Greetings My Friend, I write my blog several months ahead. Then I try to edit it. I read it for about a week looking for grammar mistakes. My computer is acting up so my capital letters are not always caps when I want it…I can’t control it. I put the blog in the file so to speak and the week before it is due I read it again looking for mistakes. Sometimes I find them so I try hard to have my blog well written. As I was reading the current week’s blog I was reading about my faith journey and I thought about having a testimony. I generally liken a testimony to wanting to share something exciting with friends. Like when I find a great buy on a pair of shoes or a wonderful new restaurant to eat at so sharing the good news is fun. For me I feel I have been given a new life in the Lord. As I state often my life was at the lowest when I gave my heart to Jesus. I had always believed in God, the Lord Jesus. My journey with the Holy Spirit began when I gave my heart to the Lord. I had heard of the Holy Spirit but never really understood Him. I was driving to work and the minister on the radio prayed the sinner’s prayer. I prayed alongside of the minister. I did not feel anything right away. As the days went on I found myself desiring to come closer to God. As I faced struggles a new strength was in me. I still hurt. I still cried but I did not feel alone anymore. That has been one of my hardest struggles, that feeling of being alone. I was often with people, living with people but I felt so utterly alone all the time. I felt like no one understood me. I did not know how to love or be loved. As I found ways to cope and that sense of love I began to have a strength I had never had before. Even in my current struggles with depression I have not felt alone. I believe God allows us to have struggles for a variety of reasons. If we are entrenched in sin the struggle may be a way for us to ask God to help us get out of the struggle. Sometimes a struggle may be a way for me to reach out to another and offer the hope I have. My friend M has been with me for decades now. We have held each other through a lot of struggles in our lives. Our faith journeys have run parallel of each other. I often marvel at that. M had her son when my youngest was 10. There were years we spoke rarely due to her parenting a young child as I was running a teenager around. Our life direction was at the opposite ends of the spectrum. As her son headed for college we once again were able to connect more often. We often stay with M when we come to MI. We try to talk on the phone frequently. Her job has her traveling so we can’t talk every week but we keep up with each other. I have a desire to tell my story. My story is not one story, it is many stories of how God has held me, helped me and been my stronghold. Sometimes it is a straight forward conversation of how Jesus has brought healing to my life. Sometimes I tell of how I pray through the last hours of Jesus’ life and how that has brought me to a closer walk with the Lord. I had thought for years that a testimony was only one thing. It is not. It is many stories of how my life has changed because of Jesus. It is that feeling of not being alone. It is the time I knew what to say in an uncertain situation or it is the hug I felt as I sat on the porch watching deer walk by. I also have a testimony about being Junior’s wife. My parents’ marriage was not the best. My first marriage was not good. I had thought that men and women could not truly be good friends in a marriage. I pray daily for this marriage and in it I have found that Junior is my best friend. When I don’t understand him I often go to prayer. God will reveal to me the things I need to know in order to live alongside of this man. I am very content and that is awesome. I am content in ‘who’ I am now a days. For the first time in my life I am comfortable in my own skin. I am heavier and that is ok. I have a long nose and that has upset me most of my life now I am content with it. God has given Junior to me and me to Junior. Junior accepts me as I am. He married me when I weighed 110 pounds. I am now 30 pounds heavier and he still finds me attractive. With menopause and cancer the weight has been difficult to lose. I have lost it to gain it right back. As I come back with the help of Prozac I hope to finally begin an exercise routine and get my weight down. The doctor’s tell me that 110 pounds is not the weight I can be healthy at anymore. The dream of being 110 pounds is not healthy any longer. Again each situation is a testimony. When I am talking with someone who struggles with depression I can offer the hope I have. Many times when I write about my depression I have a comment from people about their struggle. I have been at the store and mentioned about abuse and have had women comment that they too have struggled. I often tell them they can move forward and my help is Jesus. I have a testimony about cancer….I am a 7 year survivor. I often share that when I hear someone has cancer. People often told me that they were a so many year survivor and that gave me so much hope as I went through cancer. Where is your hope? Do you share your hope? May God bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you. Love Janet