May 9, 2012 Greetings My Friend, I remember as a young girl all of a sudden I wanted the attention of a boy…any boy for a while till one came along. I wanted to wear blue jeans, a bikini and the older I got more form fitting clothing. At first I was not aware of why I wanted to dress differently. Some of it was the commercials and then later as I began to understand the man/woman dynamics I began to want to be pleasing to the males in my life. The same feeling came back as I found myself single again after 24 years of marriage. I had always wanted to be pretty but I did not want to attract the attention of men while I was married. When I was single I felt the old high school urge to be a little more suggestive in my choice of clothes. I met a young man when I was 16. He was the first guy I dated for more than a minute. We began a fairly serious relationship early on. Dad had always taught me that we needed to leave something to a man’s imagination and I bought that philosophy. I did like wearing hip huggers but not overly suggestive types of clothing. I remember on a date one night the young man tore my bra off of me. He wanted me to run around bra-less. I was horrified but to be pleasing I began doing that for him. I also found each time I tried to wear a bra he started tearing it off of me. I later married this young man. He then wanted me to wear short shorts. He would get very angry if I protested. I started wearing the short shorts. Dad’s advice about leaving something to the imagination was not what he thought I should do. For me to feel like a woman, I like to wear a bra. The overly frilly bras irritate my skin. At present I have found a sports bra that won’t bother my skin. After radiation my skin was even more sensitive and it took me a while to find something that would not leave deep welts on my skin. The bra’s I am wearing these days aren’t overly pretty but to be honest I am thrilled to wear that piece of female equipment. I am thrilled that I still have my female equipment. Junior has done a wonderful job of appreciating me as I am and for what I have. In the past I was made to feel like I was constantly lacking and highly unattractive. Junior has a way of making me feel like a woman and I enjoy being a woman. I never feel like a piece of property to him but truly his lover. Junior likes that I keep myself private just for him. He has no clue how much that means to me. He does not want others to know that private part of who I am. I also don’t want others to know those private parts/things of Junior. Our love is for each other and no one else. Personally as I read the Bible I begin to think that God created man and woman, not man and man or woman and woman. He often states his disdain for same sex attractions both in the OT and the NT. I also notice in the Bible that the relationships where there was more than one wife there was also a lot of strife between them. In my way of thinking I believe God set the pattern for man/woman relationships right from the start by creating Adam and Eve was created from Adam’s rib. I believe God wanted us to be man/woman. I also know that when Abraham and Sara were traveling through Canaan that there were times where Abraham was concerned for his life so he had Sara tell the rulers that she was his sister and she was…at that time family members inter married until the Law of Moses came into effect several hundred years later. When a ruler tried to take Sara into his chambers, God would give the ruler a nasty dream and they knew they should not sleep with her. When Sara at 90 some years old finally had her son Isaac Abraham was the father of him and no other man had violated Sara. Again this says to me that God wants us to be faithful to our spouses. Now as far as divorce goes….that is up for speculation. For a long time I believed God frowned on divorce. I think God does actually but I also believe God divorced His people by sending them into exile. God doesn’t want divorce but in our fallen state….it happens. I don’t think God is angry with me or with Junior because we are divorced. We also have made a vow to God to make this marriage work and for me I pray for our marriage all the time. As I read about Abraham and Sara, Mary and Joseph and Boaz and Ruth I tend to see that the couples tended to have “eyes” only for each other. There was no other wife or reports of affairs. This to me says again that is what God cherishes the most, a relationship between husband and wife and the couple in relationship with God. One of my favorite scriptures in the OT is “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.’ As I ponder that Scripture I begin to see that our relationship in the Lord is the best place to be. God often guides Junior and I and I believe God has taught us to be what the other needs. In that loving embrace I find again that I want my husband’s eye only on me and I no longer want the male attention of other men. I have no problem talking to men in a generic way. I don’t want to “come on to” them anymore. Where is your heart? With your spouse? On other people for a better catch? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet