January 28, 2011 Greetings My Friend, A statement I often hear intrigues me “The dash between the dates” on the tombstone. That dash is the sum of your life. Who were you, what were you about. I have had counselors pose this question to me through the years. I must say on occasion I do ponder this thought. In some ways it goes along with two week’s blog asking ‘who am I/” As I ponder I am also intrigued by how I am perceived by other people. I love playing games that will tell me what my personality type is. I also know that when I come to the end of my life I have a desire to know that I mattered and in some way that I have made this life a little better. So what would I want people to say about me? This has changed through the years. In the beginning I wanted to be known, be famous etc. As the years have gone on though I want to think that I have made people happy, loved deeply and make a difference in the lives around me. I no longer have a need to be famous. I think the famous thing was a child that was always raising their hand and saying “me, ask me.” I was the oldest child. The three of us were stair step children and Dad having polio didn’t help me get the attention I craved. A good indication of that is when I tried to give my sister and brother away to neighbors who had no children. At this point I have learned I can live without family. I don’t like it but I can live and be fairly content. When I talk to my close friends and feel their love my heart melts. Mr. Junior warms my heart. He looks at me like I am beautiful, he talks to me like I am truly his helpmate and he touches me like I am his special woman. For a long time the man in my life looked at me like I was beautiful. He told me I was gorgeous and then he treated me like I was nothing. As the kids were growing up I would tell them that they were English, Irish and German. Their father told them they were not. They were French and Polish. That says I wasn’t important big time. As I have begun my faith journey in earnest I have a desire to give back to God all I can. He rescued me from the pit of despair. He has told me that I matter and he holds me when life hurts big time. I feel like I came to the Lord late in life and don’t want to waste a day. As I look upon the cross and see the horror of what Jesus endured I have a huge desire to give back to God. I have been rescued from the pit of hell. I am grateful beyond words. As I journey on I find that many Christians not the pew sitter ones but the ones out and doing are very thankful people. They want to go out giving to others the hope they have. There are people who are “works” oriented. They believe by doing good works they will get to heaven. That is not how to get to heaven. You need to accept the gift of the cross, the gift Jesus gives us. I believe we have to ask Jesus to be Lord in our life. When I pray through the cross and I try to pray it each night I find myself with mixed emotions. I am grateful for what Jesus endured and so sad that He endured all the ugliness of before the cross and the cross. I am so sad that my sin cost Him so dearly. As I come through this prayer time I find my desire is to go and do. I give back what I can because I can’t begin to say “thank you” enough. I also am learning I can’t give enough and that I can go in a wrong direction if I am not careful. I am a writer, I love to write. I believe God has called me to write about my faith journey. The hope is to help others in their faith journey. I am not a musician and trying to make music would frustrate me to no end. Junior and I have felt a need to reach out to the community here in SWVA. He has guided us as we have reached out and I feel like we have helped and are helping. I find that I need to be in prayer. In prayer I am able to discern the direction I need to take. One of the things I am questioning right now is working with the thrift store. I like it. I enjoy it but I am missing going quite a bit as well. I am sick, I have errands etc. I like to be dependable and I am not feeling very dependable. I am showing up at the church without missing….so I question the thrift store. I believe God has created each of us to be and do in very special ways. I have a friend who ministers to the Muslims. I am not gifted to do the extensive work she does. Another friend teaches Sunday school. Again I am not a teacher. When I see that God has gifted me in a special way I find a wonderful excitement within me. I like the uniqueness of being ‘special’ as far as what I am called to do. I also don’t feel ‘better than” the next person. I am who I am in Jesus and I love that feeling. God has told me over and over that I matter, that I am precious. In that deep love I have so much more courage. What does the “dash” say about you? Have you given your life and the meaning to it a thought? Is it time? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet