August 13, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

One of the biggest joys I have is being Junior's helpmate. I love that role so very much. I don't need to be better than him, I just want to help him. In the Garden when God created Eve He created her to be Adam's helpmate. Each had a role that was right for them.

As I entered into relationship with Junior I found moments where I was the one to shine. When I was working with the teens, Junior often stepped behind me so I was the one the kids or parents talked with. He knew this was my strong point and did not want to take away from me. It was a wonderful feeling for me.

As I write my blog, my writings I often read them to Junior. First for me reading it out loud helps me to "hear" how I am coming across. Second I want Junior's input. I look to him to help me in my faith journey. He is my spiritual leader. Men don't get as deceived as women tend to. Yes, men can be deceived but not as easily as a woman is. So Junior has recognized my strengths and has encouraged me to be what God is creating me to be. He doesn't have to be front and center just to be front and center.

I am useless with the rennovating on the house. I am weak and unable to figure out how to do construction. Junior is doing the brunt of the work and I am sitting on the sidelines waiting for the finished product. I do try to keep the house neat, food prepared for him/us to eat and I run errands when it will help him. My main goal is to make life comfortable for him for when his day is done. I think he appreciates that too.

As I thought about the wilderness experience recently I realized that this time of rennovating is a wilderness experience as well. God gave us this land, this house and if we follow Him we will have a nice home, a comfortable home and a home for if and when he is in a wheel chair. The house is old and needs a whole lot of work though. I am surprised at how much I love this house. It is one story, the washer and dryer are on the same floor not in a basement. The wrap around porch is awesome. The enclosed porch when all is finished will be wonderful to sit and look out on.

Our kitchen is make shift at best. I have no stove. I could use the old wood burner kitchen stove...not up to learning how to use it for cooking. We do use it for heat alongside the heat pump. With all the wood and paper trash we generate....we can heat this house fairly comfortably. Even though the kitchen is makeshift, I am able to cook good wholesome meals. Thank goodness for the crock pot, the electric skillet, the toaster oven and the microwave. With these I can make just about anything I put my mind to.

As I ponder the wilderness experience I find that our living arrangements at present are just that a time in the wilderness. We are comfortable and we slowly get the house in shape. For me most of my life the minute I moved somewhere I started dreaming of the next house, the better, prettier house. I think I am learning to be content and not want to move anymore. By investing so much sweat equity into the house....I don't want to move on. When we are done, we will have it exactly the way we want it. As I take my walks up the hard hill I find my energy getting stronger. I marvel at the beauty that is outside my door. I am grateful for this new home.

I also believe that Junior and I will be able to be on our own for a long time. With everything on one floor, we won't have to worry about doing stairs. We will eventually put in a wheel chair ramp or two, so the couple of stairs we go up now won't be a concern in the future either.

I think again that in a faith journey with God that God is a God of action. He provides but I need to step out and do. God does give us gifts all the time but many times those gifts are things we need to work at. The same for the Israelites in the wilderness, they had to go out and do.

I have to trust God won't give me more than I can handle. If the job seems overwhelming, then I need to remember God must know I am capable and start doing it. I love the lessons I have learned through my life time. As I got to the other side of the struggle I was often amazed that I was able to do it. Now a days though I believe that God is the one helping me move past the struggle. He gives me courage when I have none. He gives me words when I have none. He also gives me answers when I need them.

Sometimes I won't know an answer. God doesn't always give us answers. I am learning to be ok with that. It is hard. I want answers and for me the answers help me move forward, sometimes though God seems to say "not this time." So I learn to trust and to do and in all of that I move forward.

I have been in my steady faith journey for over a decade now. I have seen me grow through divorce, children who are angry, cancer and depression. I see again that just because I have entered into a faith journey doesn't mean that life is a cake walk. It does mean that when I go through trials though that God is there helping me through the struggles. To me that is an awesome gift. I am no longer feeling all alone in this wide world. For years that is how I felt. I felt unwanted, unloved and flat out unacceptable. God teaches me over and over that I am wanted, loved and as a woman I am precious to Him.

Junior reflects that to me all the time and then I realize if he loves me that much....God loves me even more! It is awesome to think that I am that special. I am also one of many and you know what? That is ok. Somehow God makes each of us in a journey with Him feel like we are the only one. It is amazing to me. I know when my kids were little I wanted to be fair. It didn't matter that one child was different than the other....I wanted to be fair. God is fair with me, with all people and He is also able to make each of us feel pretty special. God trusts me to do work. I like that too. I can't help on renovating the house but I can cook, clean and try to make life comfortable for Junior. So he renovates and I try to make life comfortable. I like that. Junior isn't mad because I am not beside him working...I sense he does appreciate the things I do to bring him comfort at the end of a long day though.

What wilderness experience are you going through? Do you trust God to take you through it? It is hard to give up control at times but when you do....WOW!

May God bless you and protect you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet