March 26, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Today I’m thinking about my faith journey. As I ponder my brother’s faith journey, I again puzzle. I did not know he had a strong faith. He told me that he felt that it was not something you discussed. As I was growing up I remember being taught that you should never discuss religion and politics.
As I have accepted Jesus as my Savior, I find a huge need to share what I’ve learned. I have a need to give a defense for what I believe. Living most of my life with no hope was so rough. As I have accepted Jesus, I have found hope. I have struggled with wanting to be noticed, to be loved and a whole host of other things. With Jesus, I have found that empty spot within me. He holds my hand, He guides me and in that I have a need to share what I’ve been given, a second chance at life. The Bible also instructs me to “give a defense for what I believe.”
What do I believe? I believe that our Lord Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit. I believe that He was born by the Virgin Mary. I believe He suffered under Pontius Pilot. I believe He was crucified died and was buried. I believe our Lord was raised from the dead on the third day. To me at this point I find hope residing within me. Our Savior conquered the grave. In that I find such hope. Our God allowed our Savior to come live among us, to die for us and cleanse us from our sins. I believe when I die, for me I’m on my way to heaven. If I had not accepted the cross, Jesus’ death, then hell would be waiting for me. I believe this with all my heart.
This is the hope I have and the hope I want to share. For me being quiet about it is hard. At times I am so sad that it took me 40 plus years to get the point. Still I am grateful that I have learned this lesson and now I want to share what I have learned. A very few will discover Jesus on their death bed. For me, I’m ever grateful that I learned of Jesus’ love way before my death bed. I love going around loving people as God has loved me. I love sharing my hope with others. I love watching “me” grow. It is strange and exciting at the same time.
I have been able to remarry and have a healthy marriage. I have been able to write a book. On my own, I would have never written it. I feel God is behind most of what I write. I am able to let go of relationships when I find I am not wanted. Does it hurt- yes it does. I am able to feel God’s love and to move on. On my own, I’d probably be very broken, unable to function. God helps me to find joy in life, even when life is very hard. I am able to walk out that front door and face life. I am also able to enter into counseling and allow the counselor to guide me away from the pain that has held me captive for some time now.
As I was coming to my faith, I had several people tell me their story, their testimony. I puzzled at times when I heard these people give me their testimony. I remember going to an Amway convention one time and hearing about a man who was pretty scary until he began his faith journey. He left his own mother in a pool of her blood, the blood he shed due to anger. A lady had knocked on his door and handed him a track. He pounded on her and sent her away. Later he read this track and began a faith journey. He started a ministry to street gangs. He began giving hope to young boys who were on a fast track to being murders, thugs etc. My Junior is an amazing story. He at one time had no value of human life. He’d kill you without much provocation. Has he murdered, it is not something I ask him. As he accepted Jesus though, wow! He is a great husband. He is a great friend and I feel ever so safe with him.
I believe we cannot leave our old lives behind on our own. I could not let go of deep pain on my own. I could not let go of bad relationships by myself. With Jesus, I am able to let go. I am able to get up and go out into my world and love as I have been loved.
Learning to Agape love has been wonderful. I seek another’s highest good. I like that. I have always wanted to love people and God has taught me the best thing I can do is seek their highest good. I don’t like telling people “no.”I want to be a “yes” kind of person. Being a constant “yes” person isn’t always the right thing to be. When I weigh the best for the person, then I will have to say “no” sometimes for their good. People don’t automatically love me just because I say “yes.” In fact they often are irritated with the constant flip flopping. I learn the “good” by reading God’s Word and by prayer. On my own, I can’t discern that.
As I end I want to ask, do you know Jesus? You know a faith journey is fairly easy to enter into. You have to believe, to accept Jesus’ death and resurrection. You have to admit that you are a sinner (that one was hard for me). If you do that then you can begin a faith journey as well. Tell someone, it helps cement your life in Jesus. Then I would suggest a church family, reading your Bible and prayer. These help you “hear” to grow.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
March 19, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Thoughts at large:
Junior and I celebrated 13 years of marriage recently….13 years wow! I was married 24 years in my first marriage and now 13…..I feel like I’m supposed to be a married lady. I love being Junior’s wife, I feel so safe with him and we are friends. I did not have that safe and friendship feeling the first time around. This time I am married to my best friend. The last time when people asked me about being my husband’s best friend I told them that my girlfriends were my best friend and my now ex was the man I was married to and had children with. To be honest I did not believe a man and a woman could be best friends
Divorce Recovery helped me so much. I learned to look at what went wrong the first time, my part of what I did to make the marriage not work. Once I got past that I was a victim and began to look at my part of what I contributed to the problems, I found such healing. By doing that I believe I was able to let go of bad faults and begin to embrace new habits, more healthy habits and in my heart I believe that is why our marriage is strong. Junior also insisted that I put God first before him. I have a tendency to want to put my husband on a pedestal and when he isn’t that perfect image, I get so disappointed and then I can’t see their good qualities.
Divorce Recovery taught me that the order should be God first, marriage relationship second and life will settle in right after that. As I implement this strategy I find that to be the best way to live my life. When Junior frustrates me I tend to go to prayer. As I pray I find God pointing me to look at Junior’s heart and in that I fall in love with him all over again. I am not disappointed.
Through the years I’ve also learned to hang around friends who love their husband. It helps me because then I focus on his good qualities and not his bad habits. Do I ever befriend someone who is struggling, yes I do. I try to surround myself with people who are supportive of me, my marriage. If I have a good support network, then when I am with someone who is struggling, I can step beside them and offer them support as well.
We are in the final stages of our move. Please if I ever say I want to move again….someone lock me up. Once we have everything in the house, in storage around the house, then Junior can go back to renovating the house.
As we found the house and began working on it, I had some people tell me that “I wouldn’t….” Personally I would have liked to move into a house that required a whole lot less work. I also believe God led us to this house and there was a reason for us to have so much work to do. For my part, I am so focused on the house and my book that I don’t have time to dwell on all the struggles in my life. I am so much more a part of the move process this time around. I don’t fall asleep all the time. God is helping me walk away from depression and this was the process by which to walk away. I also believe God is impressing on me that a new home is not going to solve all my problems.
My ex and I lived in Lincoln Park for many years. As our son had problems, we thought a move may help him. We moved and I finally had my dream home. That dream home was filled with so much strife. I soon began to feel like I’d rather have a dump and peace than a beautiful home. When Junior and I moved to Virginia we loved the place we rented. It was extremely small but I thought that I would love it and learn to live in a very small home. I loved the river, the train track right in front of the house and the mountains with all the woods. It was beautiful. The wraparound porch was icing on the cake. Junior has owned a home for 40 some years, me 30 some. We truly did not know how to be renters. We thought loving the home as if it were ours was the way to be good renters. We had definite likes and dislikes and we tried to make it to our taste.
We learned a little too late that we needed to not try to make it ours. We learned that we should just occupy the home with no taste of our own. We then decided we would buy this place and we love the process of making it unique to us. We tried to hire contractors with no luck. Junior is doing most of the renovating. He loves it. I feel like he loves doing it for me. He starts early in the morning and works late into the evening. Through the years I’ve learned to be patient. He is creative and the little touches he puts in place are always so awesome. The renovating may take another year or two, that’s ok. We hopefully will never move again. We will have this home exactly the way we want it.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Thoughts at large:
Junior and I celebrated 13 years of marriage recently….13 years wow! I was married 24 years in my first marriage and now 13…..I feel like I’m supposed to be a married lady. I love being Junior’s wife, I feel so safe with him and we are friends. I did not have that safe and friendship feeling the first time around. This time I am married to my best friend. The last time when people asked me about being my husband’s best friend I told them that my girlfriends were my best friend and my now ex was the man I was married to and had children with. To be honest I did not believe a man and a woman could be best friends
Divorce Recovery helped me so much. I learned to look at what went wrong the first time, my part of what I did to make the marriage not work. Once I got past that I was a victim and began to look at my part of what I contributed to the problems, I found such healing. By doing that I believe I was able to let go of bad faults and begin to embrace new habits, more healthy habits and in my heart I believe that is why our marriage is strong. Junior also insisted that I put God first before him. I have a tendency to want to put my husband on a pedestal and when he isn’t that perfect image, I get so disappointed and then I can’t see their good qualities.
Divorce Recovery taught me that the order should be God first, marriage relationship second and life will settle in right after that. As I implement this strategy I find that to be the best way to live my life. When Junior frustrates me I tend to go to prayer. As I pray I find God pointing me to look at Junior’s heart and in that I fall in love with him all over again. I am not disappointed.
Through the years I’ve also learned to hang around friends who love their husband. It helps me because then I focus on his good qualities and not his bad habits. Do I ever befriend someone who is struggling, yes I do. I try to surround myself with people who are supportive of me, my marriage. If I have a good support network, then when I am with someone who is struggling, I can step beside them and offer them support as well.
We are in the final stages of our move. Please if I ever say I want to move again….someone lock me up. Once we have everything in the house, in storage around the house, then Junior can go back to renovating the house.
As we found the house and began working on it, I had some people tell me that “I wouldn’t….” Personally I would have liked to move into a house that required a whole lot less work. I also believe God led us to this house and there was a reason for us to have so much work to do. For my part, I am so focused on the house and my book that I don’t have time to dwell on all the struggles in my life. I am so much more a part of the move process this time around. I don’t fall asleep all the time. God is helping me walk away from depression and this was the process by which to walk away. I also believe God is impressing on me that a new home is not going to solve all my problems.
My ex and I lived in Lincoln Park for many years. As our son had problems, we thought a move may help him. We moved and I finally had my dream home. That dream home was filled with so much strife. I soon began to feel like I’d rather have a dump and peace than a beautiful home. When Junior and I moved to Virginia we loved the place we rented. It was extremely small but I thought that I would love it and learn to live in a very small home. I loved the river, the train track right in front of the house and the mountains with all the woods. It was beautiful. The wraparound porch was icing on the cake. Junior has owned a home for 40 some years, me 30 some. We truly did not know how to be renters. We thought loving the home as if it were ours was the way to be good renters. We had definite likes and dislikes and we tried to make it to our taste.
We learned a little too late that we needed to not try to make it ours. We learned that we should just occupy the home with no taste of our own. We then decided we would buy this place and we love the process of making it unique to us. We tried to hire contractors with no luck. Junior is doing most of the renovating. He loves it. I feel like he loves doing it for me. He starts early in the morning and works late into the evening. Through the years I’ve learned to be patient. He is creative and the little touches he puts in place are always so awesome. The renovating may take another year or two, that’s ok. We hopefully will never move again. We will have this home exactly the way we want it.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, March 11, 2011
March 12, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
I am looking once again on the site where my brother’s memories are posted by people who knew him. Again my mind asks, “Who were you little brother?” Again I ponder our life long relationship, one of struggle and never being connected.
One young man writes about when the kids were younger and the family was friends visiting each other. They ate pizza while the kids watched videos and the adults played euchre. It was a ritual Friday night occurrence. The young man remembers this time fondly. He also remembers a time when they all went canoeing. My brother stopped in the middle of the lake and drank in the scene and acknowledged God’s wonderful creation. The young man then notices my sister-in-law coming by afterwards. He called her my brother’s “one flesh.” At this point I realize my brother’s love of Jesus. My heart skips a beat and I am overjoyed. To be honest I did not know of his faith journey.
We celebrated Christmas for many years in my first marriage with my brother and his family along with Mom and Dad. Through the years after the divorce I heard the niece and nephew comment on what a good time the Christmas celebration was. Even my sister joined in on these occasions the last few years and her kids would comment on how much they enjoyed the celebrating.
Oh, there was the year my daughter who was the oldest cousin spent the afternoon playing with the youngest niece in the bathroom with her foam blocks. They had them stuck on the bathroom wall all over the place….such a wonderful memory. The girls are in hardly any of that year’s pictures they were squirreled away so long in the bathroom.
On occasion, I struggled. My brother sounded like Dad. He had that same caustic way of talking. Those moments were hard for me to hear. My insides would knot up. After I married Junior, I found moments where I’d ask my brother to stop. His feelings were hurt, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but the caustic humor was so hard for me. I was again that little girl and I had a hard time listening to it. I wanted to cry.
My hairdresser at the time knew my brother and sister-in-law. She’d tell me how funny my brother was. I remember thinking “really.” I could never see him other than a miniature Dad. I wanted to so bad and could not move out of those painful memories.
-
My brother was married for 32 years. My sister and I both divorced our husbands. We did stay married for a long time but both marriages did end. Little brother’s marriage lasted and as far as I could tell for the most part they seemed content with each other. My sister-in-law called my brother “Dear.” I saw that mentioned and a lot of people started calling him “Dear.” I remember finding a tee shirt one time with the wording on it “Dear.” We gave him that shirt.
Again my heart asks, “Who were you Little Brother?” He was always helping Mom and Dad. Mostly he and my sister-in-law were cleaning up something for them. Mom and Dad had a tendency to hoard. My brother and sister-in-law were the ones to come clean up and get things back in order. My job was to go shopping with Mom and Grandma on Saturdays. We did that for 20 some years. When Mom could not go, it was my job to take Grandma. At the time my thinking was “charity starts at home.” I felt this was my contribution, my offering of sorts.
When Mom had a heart attack, she had a second one in the hospital. She called me and later commented that if she wanted something to happen, she’d call me. She felt the staff wasn’t listening and by calling me, I showed up and started talking till someone listened. Mom’s comment was if you need something done, then call the most hyper people you know, they will get the job done. We each seemed to have our roles. Mom often called me and I listened a whole lot too. Those were my assigned jobs.
Little Brother, we both had our roles, so why were we not able to connect better? Actually, Little Sister, why is there that tension between us? Why as a family did we all have that tension? The questions come and again the person is gone, hard to find answers when they are not here. It is all so very sad.
Loved ones…..I love you…..I am different and that is hard for us both…..I am who I am and I love you, each one of you in your own way. I am sad for the pain that feeling of….I hurt because we can’t seem to go beyond it. Please know that even if we aren’t talking….I do love you. I pray for a day we can overcome the divide……
The only way I’ve been able to get up and face each day is Jesus. He hears my tears the ripping in my heart. He comforts me, strengthens me and helps me get up and out that door each and every day. He teaches me to love even if the one absent won’t accept my love. He teaches me to quite my spirit, my heart and in that I find myself moving forward.
Again I ask, is there someone in your life you need to re-open the door to?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I am looking once again on the site where my brother’s memories are posted by people who knew him. Again my mind asks, “Who were you little brother?” Again I ponder our life long relationship, one of struggle and never being connected.
One young man writes about when the kids were younger and the family was friends visiting each other. They ate pizza while the kids watched videos and the adults played euchre. It was a ritual Friday night occurrence. The young man remembers this time fondly. He also remembers a time when they all went canoeing. My brother stopped in the middle of the lake and drank in the scene and acknowledged God’s wonderful creation. The young man then notices my sister-in-law coming by afterwards. He called her my brother’s “one flesh.” At this point I realize my brother’s love of Jesus. My heart skips a beat and I am overjoyed. To be honest I did not know of his faith journey.
We celebrated Christmas for many years in my first marriage with my brother and his family along with Mom and Dad. Through the years after the divorce I heard the niece and nephew comment on what a good time the Christmas celebration was. Even my sister joined in on these occasions the last few years and her kids would comment on how much they enjoyed the celebrating.
Oh, there was the year my daughter who was the oldest cousin spent the afternoon playing with the youngest niece in the bathroom with her foam blocks. They had them stuck on the bathroom wall all over the place….such a wonderful memory. The girls are in hardly any of that year’s pictures they were squirreled away so long in the bathroom.
On occasion, I struggled. My brother sounded like Dad. He had that same caustic way of talking. Those moments were hard for me to hear. My insides would knot up. After I married Junior, I found moments where I’d ask my brother to stop. His feelings were hurt, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but the caustic humor was so hard for me. I was again that little girl and I had a hard time listening to it. I wanted to cry.
My hairdresser at the time knew my brother and sister-in-law. She’d tell me how funny my brother was. I remember thinking “really.” I could never see him other than a miniature Dad. I wanted to so bad and could not move out of those painful memories.
-
My brother was married for 32 years. My sister and I both divorced our husbands. We did stay married for a long time but both marriages did end. Little brother’s marriage lasted and as far as I could tell for the most part they seemed content with each other. My sister-in-law called my brother “Dear.” I saw that mentioned and a lot of people started calling him “Dear.” I remember finding a tee shirt one time with the wording on it “Dear.” We gave him that shirt.
Again my heart asks, “Who were you Little Brother?” He was always helping Mom and Dad. Mostly he and my sister-in-law were cleaning up something for them. Mom and Dad had a tendency to hoard. My brother and sister-in-law were the ones to come clean up and get things back in order. My job was to go shopping with Mom and Grandma on Saturdays. We did that for 20 some years. When Mom could not go, it was my job to take Grandma. At the time my thinking was “charity starts at home.” I felt this was my contribution, my offering of sorts.
When Mom had a heart attack, she had a second one in the hospital. She called me and later commented that if she wanted something to happen, she’d call me. She felt the staff wasn’t listening and by calling me, I showed up and started talking till someone listened. Mom’s comment was if you need something done, then call the most hyper people you know, they will get the job done. We each seemed to have our roles. Mom often called me and I listened a whole lot too. Those were my assigned jobs.
Little Brother, we both had our roles, so why were we not able to connect better? Actually, Little Sister, why is there that tension between us? Why as a family did we all have that tension? The questions come and again the person is gone, hard to find answers when they are not here. It is all so very sad.
Loved ones…..I love you…..I am different and that is hard for us both…..I am who I am and I love you, each one of you in your own way. I am sad for the pain that feeling of….I hurt because we can’t seem to go beyond it. Please know that even if we aren’t talking….I do love you. I pray for a day we can overcome the divide……
The only way I’ve been able to get up and face each day is Jesus. He hears my tears the ripping in my heart. He comforts me, strengthens me and helps me get up and out that door each and every day. He teaches me to love even if the one absent won’t accept my love. He teaches me to quite my spirit, my heart and in that I find myself moving forward.
Again I ask, is there someone in your life you need to re-open the door to?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, March 4, 2011
March 5, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
As I write it is snowing…Yuck! Fifty plus years of winters….I’ve seen enough, had enough….I’m ready to be a snowbird. I put my thoughts about winter out on Facebook as well. I want the world to know my disdain for the white stuff, the cold, the ice the whole kit and caboodle. I got a response back about how I should be grateful for another day to be Junior’s wife, our cat’s Mom stuff like that.
I also keep thinking about Paul’s teaching about being content in all things. Another thought I have is “in sickness and in health, in good times and bad.” My brain starts to think, “ok, ok, I get it.” I need to be content, to count my blessings, stuff like that.
The economy has been bad for quite a while now. The housing market hasn’t been great either. We still have our house in MI and have found a renter but we more than likely will lose a small bundle when we do sell because the market isn’t bouncing back. I know of people who have taken major pay decreases and it hurts to no end. I know of other’s who lost their job and can’t find another one.
Death has visited my family, real close to home and that hurts. We have lost some good friends in the last few years to death’s door. I know of an old friend who is struggling through cancer and my prayers are with her. Add in the ups and downs of everyday life and soon it gets hard to see what you do have.
So how can I be content in all things? How can I walk with God in good times and bad? It is strange but a thankful heart is always helpful. Each day I try to thank God for all that I have. Our poor in this county have so much more than a whole lot of others around the world. We lose sight of that often. God has taught me that He will give me what I need. When I break that down to what I need, I begin to see how much I do have. Wow! I have heat in the winter. I have a place to stay dry, warm and lay my head down at night. I have food to eat each and every day. Add to that a bed to sleep on, blankets to cover up with, and running water. At this point I begin to see that I have a whole lot of wonderful things.
Giving comes to mind also. In the process of learning to give of my time, my talent and my money, I find contentment as well. When I am giving, I am not focused on what I don’t have. I am reaching outside of myself and focusing on others. Sometimes I see that my life isn’t as bad as another’s life is. Sometimes I learn a new skill and am amazed at what I am capable of doing. When I helped schedule speakers for the Remarried workshops, I learned a valuable lesson. As a youth advisor for many years, I found many new skills. Writing a newsletter for the remarrieds taught me how to be confident in writing. Giving is so good for us.
Sometimes I pray for people and to be honest I have found a lot of healing there as well. When I first married Junior he insisted I pray for my ex. That was a tough moment for me. I did though and am ever grateful that I learned to do that. Today I can say that I don’t hate the man, I want his best. I still don’t want to be his best friend, but I don’t want harm to come to him either. As people have chosen to leave me, I have continued to pray for them. If the day comes and there is reconciliation then I won’t have bitterness in my spirit either. Prayer also teaches me to focus outside of myself as well.
Praising God also helps me to be content. I begin to see that He is always there and is waiting for me to come to Him. I learned with Junior to write him notes most days. In those notes I focus on his qualities I admire. The more I focus on his good qualities, the less I see his faults. They are there. I chose to see his good though. With God, I learn to see how God is always present, always ready to hold me, help me, and seek my highest good. When I go to God and cry “I’m hurting” I find peace, safety and love. Sometimes God puts people in my path that help me on my journey through life. He’s given me friends some of whom have been with me for decades now.
I have to say that confession has helped me a ton as well. I remember that for the longest time I would justify my pain, anger etc. In that I did not find peace. I found more pain. As I learned to name my sin, ask for forgiveness I began to walk away from a lot of my pain in life. For some reason we can’t heal until we name the problem. Once we give it a name, then we can begin to let go. I have also found that I have people in my life that I struggle to understand. There is that underlying tension and I don’t know how to move past it at times. I have learned to bring them to God as well. As I do, it is at that point that I can begin to move past that struggle. Sometimes it is only in my heart and sometimes a broken relationship is healed. If it is only in my heart….well I’m not dwelling on the struggle and that has a peace to it.
As I close, I’d like to ask you to find the hope I have. My hope is in Jesus.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
As I write it is snowing…Yuck! Fifty plus years of winters….I’ve seen enough, had enough….I’m ready to be a snowbird. I put my thoughts about winter out on Facebook as well. I want the world to know my disdain for the white stuff, the cold, the ice the whole kit and caboodle. I got a response back about how I should be grateful for another day to be Junior’s wife, our cat’s Mom stuff like that.
I also keep thinking about Paul’s teaching about being content in all things. Another thought I have is “in sickness and in health, in good times and bad.” My brain starts to think, “ok, ok, I get it.” I need to be content, to count my blessings, stuff like that.
The economy has been bad for quite a while now. The housing market hasn’t been great either. We still have our house in MI and have found a renter but we more than likely will lose a small bundle when we do sell because the market isn’t bouncing back. I know of people who have taken major pay decreases and it hurts to no end. I know of other’s who lost their job and can’t find another one.
Death has visited my family, real close to home and that hurts. We have lost some good friends in the last few years to death’s door. I know of an old friend who is struggling through cancer and my prayers are with her. Add in the ups and downs of everyday life and soon it gets hard to see what you do have.
So how can I be content in all things? How can I walk with God in good times and bad? It is strange but a thankful heart is always helpful. Each day I try to thank God for all that I have. Our poor in this county have so much more than a whole lot of others around the world. We lose sight of that often. God has taught me that He will give me what I need. When I break that down to what I need, I begin to see how much I do have. Wow! I have heat in the winter. I have a place to stay dry, warm and lay my head down at night. I have food to eat each and every day. Add to that a bed to sleep on, blankets to cover up with, and running water. At this point I begin to see that I have a whole lot of wonderful things.
Giving comes to mind also. In the process of learning to give of my time, my talent and my money, I find contentment as well. When I am giving, I am not focused on what I don’t have. I am reaching outside of myself and focusing on others. Sometimes I see that my life isn’t as bad as another’s life is. Sometimes I learn a new skill and am amazed at what I am capable of doing. When I helped schedule speakers for the Remarried workshops, I learned a valuable lesson. As a youth advisor for many years, I found many new skills. Writing a newsletter for the remarrieds taught me how to be confident in writing. Giving is so good for us.
Sometimes I pray for people and to be honest I have found a lot of healing there as well. When I first married Junior he insisted I pray for my ex. That was a tough moment for me. I did though and am ever grateful that I learned to do that. Today I can say that I don’t hate the man, I want his best. I still don’t want to be his best friend, but I don’t want harm to come to him either. As people have chosen to leave me, I have continued to pray for them. If the day comes and there is reconciliation then I won’t have bitterness in my spirit either. Prayer also teaches me to focus outside of myself as well.
Praising God also helps me to be content. I begin to see that He is always there and is waiting for me to come to Him. I learned with Junior to write him notes most days. In those notes I focus on his qualities I admire. The more I focus on his good qualities, the less I see his faults. They are there. I chose to see his good though. With God, I learn to see how God is always present, always ready to hold me, help me, and seek my highest good. When I go to God and cry “I’m hurting” I find peace, safety and love. Sometimes God puts people in my path that help me on my journey through life. He’s given me friends some of whom have been with me for decades now.
I have to say that confession has helped me a ton as well. I remember that for the longest time I would justify my pain, anger etc. In that I did not find peace. I found more pain. As I learned to name my sin, ask for forgiveness I began to walk away from a lot of my pain in life. For some reason we can’t heal until we name the problem. Once we give it a name, then we can begin to let go. I have also found that I have people in my life that I struggle to understand. There is that underlying tension and I don’t know how to move past it at times. I have learned to bring them to God as well. As I do, it is at that point that I can begin to move past that struggle. Sometimes it is only in my heart and sometimes a broken relationship is healed. If it is only in my heart….well I’m not dwelling on the struggle and that has a peace to it.
As I close, I’d like to ask you to find the hope I have. My hope is in Jesus.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
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