July 17, 2010l
Greetings My Friend,
I was talking on the phone with someone who knows me fairly well. I was talking about how hard it is for me to keep the table free from clutter. Keeping the table free of clutter is one of those jobs where if I don’t stay on top of it, it gets out of control rather quickly. My husband is one who loves to live with clutter, he feels safe in his stuff and it crowding him out of space. This person doesn’t have to deal with that and it would drive her crazy if she had to live with this.
Mom, I finally got how she needed stuff cluttered around her in her final months of life. I had spent time cleaning out that house. I hauled stuff to the curb for months just getting rid of stuff. The bedroom stairs, when I moved in required hours of clearing things off. There were magazines from the 1960’s piled on the steps and I moved in 1996. There were things that we hadn’t used in years on those stairs. When I got upstairs, I found a dead bird, rotting on the floor.
When I finally got the house cleaned up and pretty, Mom would pile her newspaper up near her. She would move it around. She even did that in the hospital. She piled up the magazines, personal items and then she would move them around. There was something in the moving around that comforted her.
Aunt R, she is eccentric. She is extremely intelligent and eccentric. This woman had so much stuff that it crowded her out of her home. She could not shut the front door due to stuff. She had to move to another floor due to stuff. When we helped her clean out her home, we were going through bags and bags of clothes asking her which ones we could give away to the needy. She cried as she let us give things away. She felt comfortable with her stuff.
When I moved in with Junior I was amazed at his piles. He had piles everywhere. I also watched him move his piles so he could mop the floor. My heart loves this man beyond words. He treats me likes a precious gift. He opens doors for me. He will take care of me when I am sick. Junior had a step ladder as part of the décor, he needed something tall and the ladder fit the bill. My husband has a precious heart. He loves taking care of me. He touches me as if I am a precious gift. He talks to me so sweetly. He is also a clutter bug.
We were in MI recently. We were meeting someone. They got there before we did. She had a moment with the man in her life. He was frustrated. The two year old was acting up, as two year olds do. Dad took him out of the store. He was fussy, cranky and was hard to deal with. Dad had said some weird stuff and other people heard him. They had their comments about the scene. The wife was humiliated and the comments did not help. The person commenting did not know her husband. They formed their own thoughts. They voiced their thoughts out loud. The wife was even more discouraged. The comments were not received well. This woman now had to deal with her husband’s frustration And with the comments of those who were near on top of an out of control 2 year old.
These people did not know a whole lot of this couples life. He loves the two year old. He has agreed to be a parent to him even though he is not his child. The couple have been blending into a married couple – both having brought a child to the relationship. Married life is crazy enough with two children right off the bat and adds another whole dimension. Both husband and wife love the children, even though the kids do make life crazy at times. Sometimes life gets crazy and handling it is hard. We don’t always respond well – we can’t in every situation. Only as I learn to walk with Jesus, do I find I can handle things better more often.
The young lady was humiliated about the scene, about the comments. I was proud of her though, she was not going to accept other’s opinions of her husband. Me, for the longest time, I allowed other people’s comments to sway me. I allowed what other’s said to color how I looked at my husband.
As I heard once again how my friend could not live with my husband’s behavior, I could say with all honesty, “I love my husband.” He has warts, and who among us don’t. I would rather not deal with “clutter.” I love things neat and in place. It is beautiful to me. It would be easy to allow other’s comments to sway me. I don’t any longer. At this point I often reflect on my other life. My husband is a gem for the most part. He treats me so sweetly. I irritate him, he irritates me. It happens. I don’t want to go back to what I had in that other life. My husband loves me, treats me good and to me that is more important than a picture perfect home.
I also think God allows us to deal with certain things in life. For me I for years bought into the belief that if I could keep a perfect home, then I would be revered, loved beyond words. To be honest, it isn’t the picture perfect home that makes a home a home. I don’t believe we should live in filth. Still picture perfect isn’t really what makes a home a home. It is love that makes a home a home. I remember my mother-in-law. I miss that woman so much. She kept a perfectly clean home. She loved to cook. Being Polish, she made wonderful Polish meals. She loved to feed her family. They loved her food. She also sent them outside to play while she cleaned. They were not allowed in till she finished with her cleaning. To be honest, I believe that is where I got the idea that if I could figure out how to keep a wonderfully clean home that I’d be loved.
I think the lesson for me is that a picture perfect home is not what makes it a home. I am learning that as long as we are clean, keep the floors cleaned etc. and love each other life then is really a blessing. My husband is not filthy. He bathes regularly. He treats me with love and respect. At this point my heart says, “What more could I truly want?” Since I’ve been with Junior, I have been loved and I have been allowed to love him. I believe that loving Jesus first has brought us to a point of accepting each other, loving each other. When I did not know Jesus so intimately, I focused too much on looks and not the heart. With Jesus though, that heart message brings a whole new dimension to my life and to be honest – contentment. Like the young lady at the store with the out of control 2 year old, I find that I know my husband and don’t have to accept what other’s thoughts are.
My question, I do love questions don’t I? My question today, are you allowing other people’s thoughts to color your thoughts of someone in your life?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet