March 27, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I can still hear my Parents telling me….”Janet, you are the oldest, you must set the example.” My Dad would also tell me, “You are not to blemish the Rogers name.” Many times my parents would leave and I was in charge. It is hard to be in charge when you are barely older than those you are to be in charge of. It is hard to be in charge when you are smaller physically than those you are in charge of as well. I am 11 months older than my sister and two years and four days older than our brother.
One time my parents left for the evening. I was to have my sister come in and get ready for bed while they were gone. She did not want to come in. She stood at the door and kept talking – outside. I told her, I yelled at her and then in frustration, I slammed my fist on the door. I wasn’t looking and put it through the window…had to have stitches.
One verse I read is, Ephesians 5:1-2 “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” This Scripture often speaks volumes to me. We are to imitate God. We are to love as God loves us. We are to be an example to an unbelieving world.
My example at home was not always clear. When I acted up, I usually got slapped, sometimes shoved down and slapped in the face with a knee in my chest. I was to set the example, the example I got was violent. If violence was done to me….I then used violence. My Dad would lecture me to no end about my violent temper and he never seemed to see that I learned my violence from him.
Another lesson I was given by my Dad was, “You are who you hang out with.” My Dad told me he did not want me to hang out at the creek. “Bad” kids did real bad stuff down at the creek. What “bad” was I am not sure, but I remember not going to the creek and hanging out. I also remember the bathrooms in high school. That’s where the smokers hung out. Kids who were smoking pot and doing drugs hung out there too. I was terrified of the bathrooms. I held my urge to go, till I went home, so I wouldn’t be in the bathroom. I was sure I’d be caught, get into trouble and a phobia about being bad was bred into me. I still struggle with being bad. I drive Junior crazy because I don’t want to get into trouble.
We were going to the bank on a Saturday and the bank was closed. He turned into the driveway the wrong way. In my head I could hear the sirens and see us getting a ticket. Junior was irritated with me. I was scared. My phobias are well ingrained at this point.
My sister and brother often called me “Goody two shoes.” I irritated them because of my compulsion to not be bad. I didn’t want to be bad and hopefully I would be saved from a beating. I did not like being hit, beat or making my parents upset.
Still, there was some truth to what Dad taught me. When I had kids, I tried desperately to set the example. I remember I wanted them to wear a hat in the winter. They wouldn’t, so I started to wear a hat. They then started to wear their hat without the struggle. Set the example…it worked.
Next I think about “We are who we hang out with.” That lesson is ingrained in me too. If I hung out with kids who stole, cheated, then more than likely, I would soon give into that type of behavior. In high school I met a guy and dated him. He was using drugs. He appealed to me. He had the nerve to go against the grain. I remember being at his house one day and he yelled at his mother…used the “F” word. Boy, if I had done that, I would have had my face slapped, then the other parent would have torn into me.
Within a couple of years of dating this guy…I tried drugs. I drank. I soon was doing some not “good” for me behavior. I even was getting sexually involved. I felt so grown up. When we married, I continued on for a while. I got pregnant and then my thinking was, if they see me using what I considered not bad drugs, would they then think heroin would be ok? That was my thinking. I stopped smoking pot. I wanted to “set” the example. I also found that when I used drugs, drank too much that I was doing stuff I didn’t like. I would not have done these things if I were straight. I didn’t like “me” that way. I gave up a lot of that behavior because I didn’t like the way it felt.
I never finished college. I did get a couple of years in, didn’t finish. As I entered the work force I found that many college educated people liked me. I always found that weird. Again, I began to see “we are who we hang out with.”
Junior was a real “bad” guy. He would have scared me had I known him in the day. As he began his faith journey, he changed his behavior. He didn’t care if he killed, beat someone up etc. Now, Junior is so tender, caring. He can have a gruff way of talking, but he is a tender hearted man, I know, I see it in action all the time. As Junior walked more with Jesus, his friends began to change. He now has very good friends, who respect him, love him. He is amazing. One of these days, I may write out his life story, his changes are that astounding.
In business, I remember being told that it was important to be seen with the “right” people. The “right” people were the ones who influenced the boss, etc. I decided to be the best I could be. As I developed my faith, I wanted to “work” as onto the Lord. I wanted God to be proud of me. I tried not to bring home pens, rubber bands etc. I tried to show up to work when I was to be there, not calling off all the time. At this point in my life, my goal is to make God proud of me.
My question is…..who are you hanging out with….are they good examples….are YOU a good example.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet