August 22, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

One of the first things I learned from the re-marriage workshops and Divorce Recovery sessions I attended was that “Divorce” is not a word to be used inside of marriage.

It is so freeing to know that Junior and I refuse to divorce. We have committed to this and I find that I can work through the struggles of marriage, even when I can’t see eye to eye with Junior.

When we were first dating and falling in love, we saw our similarities. I marveled at them, we both like dark chicken meat the most. We like to travel. Church – wow – we both want to be in church each week. We don’t even discuss church – we automatically get up and go. We have so many similarities – we love to dance, it is exciting to me.

We both don’t have a need to argue all the time. We share so many values that we don’t fight very often. I was so tired of fighting in my previous relationship that I did not want to argue all the time anymore. Junior did not have a need to argue either. I love it.

Still when you have two people come together there will be those moments where you can’t relate, each of you would handle a situation differently. I am a planner. I want an agenda and a time frame. I need it like I need air. Junior does not need an agenda; he can live off the cuff, moment to moment quite well.

We are excited to be in Virginia. We believe we are where God wants us to be. We both love our “small” home. We both love the wonderful scenery that surrounds us each and every day.

That being said, we are struggling with the actual “move” process. As I stated earlier, I like an agenda, a time frame. Junior does not care for agendas. My energy level is not where I want it to be. I am frustrated because I tend to need several days to regroup with each trip back and forth. Junior is patient with me, he accepts my limitations. I am impatient because I know at one point I could do the back and forth better. Junior likes to travel late in the afternoon. I would prefer to get up and leave early. Since Junior is doing the brunt of the driving, I believe we need to operate on his preferences.

So far we have made at least 6 trips back to Michigan. Our trip is at least 10 hours one way and longer if we pull over and go to sleep. We are tired – extremely tired. We are ready to live in Virginia, to stay there and become part of the community.

We are starting to be short with each other. We want the other to understand our personal needs for traveling – me, I want a clear cut agenda, Junior wants to go and come as he wants too.

The comforting thing is we are committed to making our marriage work. We are not going to give up on each other, call it quits because some of the glow is gone right now. I know, that I know, that I know that we will be best friends again. We are going to enjoy each other and our lives. So for a season, we struggle. Soon, though, we will love the life we will have, our friendship and of course loving Jesus as if He was our Savior.

As I write this, we have at least one more trip. Thank God! We are starting to see an end to all the traveling. I am excited because soon, we will start putting our home in final order – the mess will soon be gone. Yeah! Next we will truly begin living in our new community. We both feel that the true new life is about to begin. Our friendship will come back and I am grateful. Life with Junior and true friendship – well, that’s icing on the cake for me and I am looking forward to being more settled.

I am grateful to know that Junior won’t give up on me or our marriage. In another life, I did not know this sense of security or love.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet