March 28, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

I’m having one of those moments. I want to believe God and at the same time I feel some panic. Last year when I retired I felt the wise decision would be to retire in September. It made sense. In September, I would be able to collect my small pension. I would be able to buy health insurance through my employer. As Junior and I prayed though, we felt that June was when I was to retire. I could get Junior’s insurance. The only problem was that Junior needed to be retired for another 6 years for me to get insurance for the rest of my life. He has insurance through Tricare – due to his injury in Viet Nam he is considered retired from the military and has that insurance. He became disabled where he could not work anymore about 4 ½ years ago. He has to be 100% disabled for 10 years for me to get this insurance.
We retired me. We felt God’s hand on us. All summer we saw the stock market fall way, way low. My money was given to our Financial Planner and he has put the brunt of our money into cash. I’ve been thanking God a whole lot. It did not make sense to me and then as I watched the stock market fall, well I’ve been in awe of God’s wonderful provision.

Junior had surgery recently. He had some lumps for years. I asked him about them when we were dating – he had them for years prior to our dating. I didn’t think much about them. After the surgery, the surgeon asked me if Junior was in Viet Nam. Yes, he was. She said that more than likely the lumps were from Agent Orange. I felt a wave of panic. I told her that he has two more lumps on him, on his legs. Now I wanted all those lumps gone. I hated them. I was scared. She told me to have Junior bring them to her attention when he came for his follow up.

My heart started talking to God almost right away. “Lord, we asked if we could be married 50 years. Father, Junior helps me to know you, to trust you.” And so went my conversations with my Heavenly Father.
God reminded me that He is taking care of me. He showed me how he has protected our income. He showed me how he brought me to Junior in the first place and how I have been protected and watched after. He reminded me that He knows I need Junior’s health insurance. He kept bringing to my attention all the details of His care for me. Then He started showing me how He has taught Junior to take vitamin supplements, to exercise and how well Junior has done. He reminded me that Junior worked in a chemical factory for 38 years. “Okay, Lord” my heart responded.

I still want those lumps gone. I now hate them. At the same time, I feel a peace. God does know what I need, what we all need. He brought me to Junior when I was a lost and lonely woman. Junior has watched over me and has helped me know the love of Jesus. Junior taught me to pray in the middle of the night when I had nightmares - when I dreamt that my ex husband wanted to kill me. So, I trust God will provide. It may not be what I think I want – but God will provide. He always does.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know.

Micah 7
But I will watch for the Lord; I will wait confidently for God, who will save me. My God will hear me.