March 31, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

I met Jesus 20 years ago, really meant Him. I could say I was a cultural Christian prior to that, I went to church, I even volunteered, went on short term mission trips although I can't say I really knew Jesus. After my divorce though I had hit my lowest point, had nowhere else to turn so I started talking to God about the pain I felt. I did not always understand it was God working good in my life, today I can look back seeing God's handprint all over my life even as a young child. A few years ago I discovered God was opening up my spirit to receive His. I found as I read the Bible daily I kept stumbling across the fact that God is Spirit, that we need to meet Him in our spirit. I then in very tiny steps began recognizing the Holy Spirit's touch on my soul. Through the year's I learned to be thankful for all that I have, understand God truly provided all things in my life. Today as I look back I see how He ripped me out of my very dysfunctional, abusive marriage. Once He opened the door I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. More recently I have realized 21 years after my divorce I am finally healed emotionally, I feel a strength I have never known. God had to move me from the state I grew up in to Virginia, I joined a church that required water baptism by immersion so I chose to be baptized in the Russell Fork river. As I was preparing to be baptized I felt God give me a word picture, I was crossing the Red Sea of my faith journey much like Israel crossed the  Red Sea when God freed them from bondage in Egypt. In Virginia I have been able to begin to fully heal from a lifetime of abuse, at one point God showed me I needed to take medication in order to be able to quiet my mind, hear His voice. As I have grown I have also begun to see God's awesome miracle's in my life, of those I love around me. Even though I grew up with a father who lived when doctor's thought he would die, walked when doctor's said he would never walk, I had not seen the miracle's God has been doing around me. Last week our good friend Boogie needed to go the ER, her leg was swollen from when her cat scratched her. She has been treating this for 3 weeks with antibiotics, she woke up after a nap, her leg was swelling again so her daughter Debbie took her to the ER. Before Junior and I showed up, I put a request into our One call church system asking for prayer, I also asked my Facebook friends to pray for her as Debbie her daughter asked her friends to pray. Before we got there Boogie had some blood drawn for lab work. Later Boogie had an ultra sound looking for a blockage. The doctor's had told Boogie she was going to need to stay overnight at least so they could determine what was going on. Later a specialist came in, looked at Boogie's leg, there was not swelling in her leg. God was listening to the prayers of the people. I was amazed how God took care of the swelling. The next day I read of an old high school friend Marla whose knee was swollen, she needs a knee replacement, the bone is bone on bone. She was helping out with a birthday party for one her grandchildren, was very concerned. Marla went grocery shopping, met an old friend, they chatted talked about the aches and pains of life. Her friend walked away, came back a few minute's later told Marla that she felt a nudge from God she needed to pray for Marla's knee. The selling went down, Marla could now do what she wanted to in helping with the birthday party. These two back to back instances reminded me that sometimes we need to open the eyes of our heart to see the work's of God going on all around us. For me I started seeing God's hand on everything when I learned to thank God daily for the provisions of life. I had a fear I would wind up living out on the streets, I am 64 years old and never have been close to living on the streets. God gave my childhood family a place to live after polio when Dad's parent's refused to help us. God provided a church family who helped feed us, cloth us and even worked with Mom in getting a mortgage when women could not get mortgages, Mom was able to go to work so she could support our family. I pray the eyes of my heart will continue to thank God for all He has done, be open to His work in my life, the lives around me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 29, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

One of my favorite pictures of Jesus is when He stops and asks the woman at the well for a drink of water. This woman is considered the scum of society, she was married 5 times, was currently living with a man so she came to draw water at the well when the other women were not around. The woman was shocked Jesus would even speak to her for a few reasons, first because of her low status in society, also because He was a Jew and she was a Samaritan whom the Jew's despised. Even so Jesus spoke to the woman, asked her for a drink of water then told her He was the true living water in which she would never thirst again. Jesus reached out to the unwanted, gave them the hope of eternity in heaven. I find a lot of comfort in this beautiful act of love and compassion. I have felt this low, this stained in sin and I have felt the acceptance and love of my Savior who died for my sins. It was easy for me to be lost in this beautiful loving aspect of Jesus although as I read the Bible I also meet the firm, direct side of Jesus as well. If I am honest I too have those tender sides within me and the not so tender sides as well although I want to be the tender Jesus reaching out to the lost, the lonely and the hurting, I would rather not be the "in your face" part of Jesus, I have even convinced myself that I am a woman, women are nurturer's in general so I think I adopted the tender, caring compassionate part of Jesus by default of my birth. God reminds me that there have been strong women in the Bible as well. Deborah was a judge when judges ruled Israel, she told a man to go to war and save Israel, he was afraid of loosing so he wanted Deborah to go with him into battle alongside of him. At the end of the successful battle, a woman killed the king that was oppressing them which was an insult to the man who made Deborah go with him to war. Since I have been with Junior who is a very rough and tough man, I have met the very tender compassionate man he is as well so hiding behind being like Jesus' tender nature is a false belief. I see Jesus is also a very direct to the point of person as well. In His life He told religious leaders what He thought as we draw nearer to Resurrection Sunday, I see a toughness as He endures the pain of betrayal, the scourging, the beating, the mocking and the nails. He endures with a quietness that takes my breath away, the only time He cries out in anguish is when God turns His back on His only Son. As a believer Jesus also warns that those who follow Him will face persecution, because He did as well. I hear that I am to be tender, to reach out to the lost, the lonely, the hurting and the unseen just as He did. I learn I will face persecution as He did because the world hated Him first, it is scary to say the least. The Bible tells me "God will never leave me or forsake me, the LORD is my shepherd and I shall not want, God knows the plans He has for me to prosper me not to harm me." God won't take away all the pain of life although He will take me by the hand and walk with me through the trails of life. I have found these things to be true as God has used the pain of abuse for reaching others, He has given me a heart for compassion and a heart to be bold even if I am not liked. I used to want to please people, I am learning and have learned that I am not alone, God will help me when I am scared unsure. When the struggle ends I will be amazed at what I was able to do all because I knew God was with me. As I look to Resurrection Sunday, I am reminded that I am not alone I will over come. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 27, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

A popular saying a few years ago was "What would Jesus do?" This thought comes to mind as I hear believers say that social media is a bunch of garbage, I am tired of all the fighting about politics and yet complain. I think this thought when believers have decided that what the world teaches "Politics and religion should not be talked about in public because it is sure to start a fight. I admit I would like to keep quiet, it is easier, then my heart pricks me I think about Jesus. We all know Jesus had a lot to say to the religious leaders of His day, most not smoothed over with kind gentle words. Jesus was willing to stand against those pride filled leaders call their vanity to account. Junior and I were talking the other day about how conservative's have had leaders speak to their values only to be elected then find their wants and needs never addressed. Finally conservative's had someone who truly heard their needs he was elected, still the politician's have not aligned themselves with our President. For too long we have allowed the feel good Jesus to take precedence in our teachings not ever showing all of Jesus. Jesus often got angry, we all know about Him cleansing the temple, calling the religious leaders a brood of vipers. The Bible talks about hell more than heaven but we focus only on heaven. When Jesus came He talked about judgement day, about hell yet we have decided to ignore the parts of the Bible we do not like. It seems to me that Jesus talked about more than love and peace... We are in the last of the last days, although the last days began shortly after Jesus ascended into heaven so is it right for us to sit in our little cushy corner's wait for Him to come get us. Again I look at what Jesus did, He knew that the last days were coming although He did not know the hour or the day. He still went about telling people the facts of God's love and judgement, so should I sit wait or should I make known my disdain for what our government is trying to push down our throats. Should I avoid pointing out what I believe, Jesus would not like in our government, abortion, taking away our rights and so on? I believe it is my duty to let congress know that they are hired by the people, represent the people not special interest groups. I believe that God has allowed us to be in the shape we are in because we assumed we had His favor. If we look at our founders they were willing to die for what they believed in, are we? I was not for most of my life, today as I see our country go from a democracy to socialist I am concerned for my children and grandchildren, I know I can fight if I am called to.  I get a good idea that Jesus would stand up for the people as He did all those years ago when the religious leaders were putting heavy burdens on the people's backs, much like us being taxed so heavily today. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 24, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

We have had too many appointments for me to handle so my energy what little I have has been next to nothing. I found myself with two free days last week and I slept a whole lot, Friday we had a trip to Bristol which found me drained again, the joys of Chronic Fatigue that seems to be a  part of many chronic diseases. Today found me tired from the long day yesterday again, for lunch I made tuna casserole, while it baked in the oven I decided to catch up on the morning dishes and yesterday's morning dishes. We ate lunch and dinner on the run Friday which meant no lunch and dinner dishes. I began to grow irritated with the few inches of space on the butcher block cart we have because a few weeks ago I piled all of Junior's piles he was making on the end of the table, on the butcher block cart
 that  was invading my space to work into a laundry basket. I set it in Junior's chair thinking he would empty the basket that day, he did not fully empty it placed it on the cart where we pile dishes to be washed. While attempting to empty the sink of dishes so I could put clean soapy water in the dish pan I had next to no space to stack dishes and my irritation grew. I had been trying to be patient because of the amount of running we were doing, Junior having to run more do to physical therapy but today I found myself angry. Junior came into the kitchen and as gently as I could I explained my anger to him. Earlier during my quiet time I asked God if I could explain to Junior how to manage his time to get things done easier more timely. I am an organizer, I learned this with my career in Commercial Loan Processing, we had to get what work came in to our desk each day processed, at night if we were out of balance, the whole team had to stay until the out of balance was found. Early on I learned I could not take one more loan payment, because that meant the team stayed late as I finished up, often they would gather around my desk until everything was balanced. Junior needs to move from job to job because of his back pain although he has not found a way to manage his work schedule around the house. I managed to explain the system to Junior then I felt bad, Junior is very sensitive to upsetting me so his silliness came out, he was giving me a few extra hugs. I asked him if I scared him  he said "yes." We kissed and made up, I took myself to the couch,  put myself in time out, I took a nap which I needed. God has taught me to speak in an even quiet voice, I no longer yell at the top of my lungs peppering my words with some choice swear words so I find it hard to see with a calm voice I still can hurt someone's feelings. The nice thing Junior has taught me that once we have words, we can be friends again, there are no days of no talking. I also learned in all of our relationship classes couples that are healthy do have arguments, they learn to fight fair then they find a way to resolve the problem. We do this in our marriage as the years have gone on, we fight very little. Still when you have a neat person and a messy person, an organized person and unorganized struggles are bound to happen. As I wake up we are friends talking as if we had no fight, Junior knew I had a point so there is no need to figure a way to resolve the problem. I am less neat, he is more neat  we work out our struggle with love. Tomorrow is a new day we will continue to learn to accept each other, to help each other and love each other as God teaches us to love. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 22, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

My strongest desire as I progress through the stages of Parkinson's Disease is that I stay strong in the Lord. God has guided me through a lot of my first stage struggles such as my natural tendency to hunch over because of a weakening spine. With the walker I have straightened up and continue to stand straight, sit straight. I may hunch over later, but for now I am able to be straight. The same for my sleep, I have started sleeping in a recliner at night so the pain and stiffness I had when sleeping in bed is not there again for now anyway. My biggest concern is many PD patients can get severely depressed, right now medication helps me and I pray that all throughout my disease progression I will be able to skirt around the depression. My hope is in Jesus, I desire to give the hope of Jesus, live the hope of Jesus until my very last breath. I am thankful for the things God the Father has been showing me so far to maintain a sense of normalcy in my life. I make a to do list each week, mark off the items I accomplish which shows me I am active, helping Junior maintain our home and keeping him fed with healthy meals. My heart is content with this, I also have been able to be physical around the house, walking while shopping and finding kindling in the yard, a bit in the woods off of our home is helping me a lot. Again God pointed me to do these things and I feel fairly healthy despite the fact I have PD. I have also learned my limitations such as traveling is no longer in my life, I am tiring out so I stop, take a nap, wake up do more physical activity so I can go to sleep at night. Instead of working for an half hour, rest for an hour I work for a couple of hours, take a nap for a couple of hours then when I get up I work again for a couple of hours. At night I unwind watching TV before going to sleep. If anything I pray my testimony is my trusting God will help others to see God in my life. God always convicts a heart, I am a seed planter, I water some seeds by living and being an example of God's grace in my life. For those that have come beside me I also have a testimony of abuse, cancer, a child rejecting me for staying with her father, a second marriage that is working because we invited God into our marriage and now PD. God took me from a broken scared woman and has made me feel loved, given me confidence and joy, even with my past and with PD. I pray God has many more years for me to live for Him and to plant the seeds of a faith walk with Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

March 20, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

Recently I have been thinking about the long journey to where my faith is today. As I was sharing my thoughts with Junior, he fussed at me that if I would have listened to God and stop worshiping my children 18 years ago, life would have been better. I had much the same problem as I went through Divorce Recovery and Single Point, people felt I should be further along than I was. The thing I love about Junior is when I tell him to stop he does. God had finally laid on my heart that I was doing fairly well with my faith growth. God also revealed to me that sometimes those tiny steps we take are hard for others to recall in their own faith journey, how long it took them to get to where there right now. I told Junior when God told me to quit worshiping my children, when I was not counseling newly divorced people in Single point, I was a newly divorced women and just starting out in my faith journey. He understood. Fast forward to today, my friend Brenda has been a challenge to love. She has major mental health issues, physical issues along with she is dealing with cancer. I have been Brenda's friend but have felt clueless, frustrated the whole nine yards. This past week, Brenda spent the night with us, was in one of her very gloom and doom moods and with my Parkinson's I found myself very anxious to the point I had spasms, my hand tremors were more pronounced. Ironically Brenda cooled down, came back to spend the night with us and attended a health fair. At the fair she ran into a mental health person who told Brenda her medication was all wrong for her mental health issue. As she told me this I realized that she has been doing the best she could on her faith journey and her tiny steps she was taking were not seen by me, others. She is working very hard and I finally understood how difficult it is for others to grasp the tiny step process to develop our faith. May God bless you and keep you. Love Janet

March 17, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

Learning to trust and obey is a constant learning of how to let go and let God. Junior and I were talking about some of the lessons we have been learning from helping others. One issue I have worked on for years is my anger. As a young child, young adult I gave into my anger, with my fists after I was married for a few years to my 1st husband I finally met my bully that was bigger than me. At first the drama of fighting and making up seemed exciting, as the years wore on, it grew tiresome, I began to seek counseling to learn how to stop being angry over everything. First I had to learn that there are other emotions besides "That made me made." I learned emotions like mad, sad, glad, happy, excited and hurt and when I started to see that being mad did not have to be the only feeling word I reacted to, I started to learn to think about why I was mad. For many years now God has allowed my anger to stay in check, I hardly fussed about much, Junior will tell anyone don't let the girl get hungry though it brings the tiger right out of her so he keeps me fed and whenever I say I am hungry when we are out, he finds me food immediately if not sooner. Recently though God has allowed my anger to service over a few things which usually put me into a fight or flight mode, I chose the flight mode. The more I ran from my anger the more angry things placed in my path so I had to learn to ask God to help me respond without anger. the other day when Brenda was here and started with her constant barrage of complaints I started singing. The next day I had heated responses to some of my conservative approaches which God has been leading to me to post. The weird thing is I responded calmly not me but the Holy Spirit seemed to be helping me respond with clear concise thoughts. I would only allow myself to respond to a point then I moved on. As I finished writing the last sentence I sighed a sigh of relief which means I am still a bit anxious and I know I have much more to learn. God has made me a strong personality now He is equipping me and I need to keep letting go and letting God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet