March 21, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

When my son Mike was little, he had a lot of challenges. The first one was that he cried for hours on end, days on end. Finding the source of his discomfort was a challenge. When we visited friends and family, I often heard, “Oh no here they come”, because Mike would cry so much. I consistently reported Mike’s problems to the doctor. Mostly the doctor thought that I was babying Mike too much. One time though, the doctor looked inside Mike’s ears. His ear drum was inverted, he could not hear and he was having nasty ear aches, the kind that hurt a lot! Because of that situation, I found a need to tell people what I learned with Mike, in life in general.

I was at the gym working out in the pool a while back. I had a conversation that I reflect back on quite a bit. Actually at one point in my life, I remember buying into this lady’s thoughts. Anyway, the conversation turned toward life in general. I often tell people that I am in my second marriage. I did it wrong the first time, this time I asked God and He has placed me with a man I feel safe with.

I mentioned that my first marriage was for 24 years and it was abusive. There was lots of anger etc. I also mentioned that I had a rough childhood as well. I don’t tell these things to get pity. I truly want to help people. I want to offer hope. I have found the hope I have is not in the psychology classes, counseling sessions I went through. The hope I have is in Jesus Christ. When I divorced, I prayed a whole lot, more than I had ever done before in my life. I did not want to repeat the mistakes I had made the first time. As I prayed I started to find hope and healing.

This lady at the gym suggested that I would have been better off aborted, never being born because of all the pain of life. Instantly, I felt angry. I am glad I was born. I am glad I have seen the other side of abuse. I am glad that God loves me enough to make me whole and new. I see that my life has value. That in itself is a huge blessing. Now I try to reach out to the lost, lonely and hurting people. I was once lost, but now am found – found by Jesus.
I love bringing hope to people. I love bringing Jesus’ redeeming love to people. I count it pure joy. My daughter hasn’t really talked to me in 9-10 years. It hurts, a lot at times. I am sad for the hurt she feels whether it was caused by me or her Dad. God has helped me move from constant pain and despair. At work there was a young lady who allowed me to love her. I have a niece who allows me to love her. God brings me young women and I still get to be “mom.” So, I am grateful that I was never aborted. I am grateful to have found Jesus.

As I write this, I know some of you have had an abortion. Give it to God. He is the great healer and He can use you to help another person in pain – often what you have felt can now be used to help another.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet

Jeremiah 29:6
Marry and have children. Then let your children get married, so that they also may have children. You must increase in numbers and not decrease.

Jeremiah 29: 11-12
I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. Then you will call to me, and I will answer you.

Psalm 139:13
You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb.

March 28, 2009

Greetings My Friend,

I’m having one of those moments. I want to believe God and at the same time I feel some panic. Last year when I retired I felt the wise decision would be to retire in September. It made sense. In September, I would be able to collect my small pension. I would be able to buy health insurance through my employer. As Junior and I prayed though, we felt that June was when I was to retire. I could get Junior’s insurance. The only problem was that Junior needed to be retired for another 6 years for me to get insurance for the rest of my life. He has insurance through Tricare – due to his injury in Viet Nam he is considered retired from the military and has that insurance. He became disabled where he could not work anymore about 4 ½ years ago. He has to be 100% disabled for 10 years for me to get this insurance.
We retired me. We felt God’s hand on us. All summer we saw the stock market fall way, way low. My money was given to our Financial Planner and he has put the brunt of our money into cash. I’ve been thanking God a whole lot. It did not make sense to me and then as I watched the stock market fall, well I’ve been in awe of God’s wonderful provision.

Junior had surgery recently. He had some lumps for years. I asked him about them when we were dating – he had them for years prior to our dating. I didn’t think much about them. After the surgery, the surgeon asked me if Junior was in Viet Nam. Yes, he was. She said that more than likely the lumps were from Agent Orange. I felt a wave of panic. I told her that he has two more lumps on him, on his legs. Now I wanted all those lumps gone. I hated them. I was scared. She told me to have Junior bring them to her attention when he came for his follow up.

My heart started talking to God almost right away. “Lord, we asked if we could be married 50 years. Father, Junior helps me to know you, to trust you.” And so went my conversations with my Heavenly Father.
God reminded me that He is taking care of me. He showed me how he has protected our income. He showed me how he brought me to Junior in the first place and how I have been protected and watched after. He reminded me that He knows I need Junior’s health insurance. He kept bringing to my attention all the details of His care for me. Then He started showing me how He has taught Junior to take vitamin supplements, to exercise and how well Junior has done. He reminded me that Junior worked in a chemical factory for 38 years. “Okay, Lord” my heart responded.

I still want those lumps gone. I now hate them. At the same time, I feel a peace. God does know what I need, what we all need. He brought me to Junior when I was a lost and lonely woman. Junior has watched over me and has helped me know the love of Jesus. Junior taught me to pray in the middle of the night when I had nightmares - when I dreamt that my ex husband wanted to kill me. So, I trust God will provide. It may not be what I think I want – but God will provide. He always does.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love

Janet

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know.

Micah 7
But I will watch for the Lord; I will wait confidently for God, who will save me. My God will hear me.