May 29, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I have marveled at Junior right from the moment I met him in Divorce Recovery. He was a single father as he raised his daughter and that touched my heart. As I got to know Junior, I marveled even more.
Junior grew up in craziness not unlike mine yet it was even crazier. His mother died when he was 5. Junior’s Dad married again within months of his mother’s death. His Step Mom had a son a year older than Junior. The boys were dropped off at her father’s share crop farm and Junior’s Step Mom and Dad took off for a couple of years. When his Step Mom became pregnant, they came for the boys and began being a family.
For many years his dad was a migrant worker. His Dad was a migrant worker even though he had a college education. His Dad was a scoundrel. He found ways to cheat mainly family members and friends. He constantly moved his family because his deals went bad and people wanted to harm him.
Junior grew up, went into the Marine Corps. He was injured and discharged. Junior had a stressful job in the Marine Corps. When he was discharged, people were not nice to the service men back then. That coupled with the craziness of his childhood led Junior down a very scary path. He rode with motorcycle gangs and Junior was an enforcer. That is a scary man, way of life.
People see Junior as a sweet man. He has not always been such a sweet man. He has done things that I can’t even imagine. Junior likes to tell people Jesus and Paxil has changed him dramatically.
As I have lived along side of Junior I have marveled. He does not seem to go back to his “not nice” days and live in regret. I sometimes struggle with what I have done in my past. I have regret.
As I have watched Junior I find his walk with Jesus a marvel. Sometimes when Junior is sleeping I hear him talk in his sleep. He is praying. I marveled at that. Junior tries to touch Jesus all day, even in his sleep.
I am learning to talk to Jesus throughout the night. I begin to pray as I fall asleep. When I wake up, I pray some more and many mornings I pray as I wake up to start my day. It has taken me years to learn how to do that.
I have regrets. I was not a nice big sister. I was mean. I struggled with anger in my first marriage. I was angry at my husband, at my parents and the craziness of our family life. Our children grew up with a lot of fighting and violence. That makes me very sad.
I spent years and years in and out of counseling. I was searching for peace. To be honest true peace came as I accepted Jesus as my Savior. As I learn to walk with Jesus, I have learned to hear the Holy Spirit. He helps me grow away from my old life and all the regrets. I may not have been the best wife in my first marriage, the best mother etc.
God has taken me right where I was at and has helped transform me. At this point in my life, I accept the past as unpleasant as it was. I can’t change that. I wish I could, I can’t.
Since my marriage to Junior I have dealt with a lot of pain. As I started to live with my mother after my divorce, I was discovering more layers of my past that I had not dealt with. My mother died 13 months after I married Junior. About that time my daughter and I had a falling out. I have not really talked to her in almost 11 years. We had a brief moment and something else came between us, what I’m not sure. My son has moments where he is frustrated with me. We are talking less and less. To be honest all this hurts, hurts real bad. This baggage tends to make me keep looking at my past. I tend to feel bad, to hurt, sometimes I want to blame.
Junior keeps living his life. He is a content man. I marvel at him. I know a lot of his past, not a lot in other ways. I know enough, that he has done some mean things, some immoral things etc. Junior gets up each day and lives a very quiet and content life. I love hearing his movements as I wake up. I love watching him wander around as he works outside or in the basement which is outside and underneath the house. I watch Junior love Jesus. I see it in the way he tries to ask Jesus about decisions he needs to make. I see it as he attempts to tithe. I see it as he attempts to love me. He is not lost in his past. He lives now and each day is a new beginning. Junior because of his past tends to close doors and don’t look back. I marvel at that as well. Me, I want to open that door, to try ONE more time and all I do is aggravate people. I need to let go and move on.
I believe the reason I have the measure of peace I do have is because I know Jesus loves me. I pray sometimes, Lord Jesus, “You are the light in my heart and the hope in my soul. You are my bread of life and cup of salvation.” Sometimes I see a flashlight shining inside of my heart. I believe Jesus is looking at the deep recesses in my heart. Sometimes it seems like the light will land someplace and I sense Jesus is saying, that, I need you to work on that. As I begin to work on that struggle, I start to find a peace in my spirit. I am learning to let go of a stronghold. I am learning also that I am loved. For me that helps a whole lot. Jesus does not give up on me.
This love is a marvel to me. I am used to being rejected when I do something wrong. I am used to beating myself up because I should have….. With Jesus though, I am accepted right where I am at. He loves me. When I am loved, then I have more courage. I can look at my flaws. I can because Jesus won’t leave me or God won’t forsake me. With this love, I am able to move forward, not look back and become…. For me my “becoming” is learning to Agape love. I am trying to seek the highest good with whomever I am relationship with. Some people are “prickly pears,” and that is ok. It is ok because Jesus loves me and He won’t leave me.
Is there a “stronghold” you need to let go of? Have you tried Jesus? It might be the most healing thing you could do in your life. Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
May 23, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
As much as I try to walk away from old habits, I find myself falling back into them from time to time. About the time I think I’ve conquered old pattern’s I am once more dealing with them. My friend D was one of several people who listened as I waded through my emotions. I was shocked that I had allowed myself to enter into a relationship of being controlled yet again.
D gave me a wonderful word picture that helped me tremendously. She told me about a familiar story. She talked about a frog. The frog if placed in cool water to begin with will not jump out of a pot as the water begins to boil. The frog will die because it is complacent and won’t jump out of the hot water when the water gets hot.
I had entered into to this relationship with an unsuspecting heart. I felt wrong when the wrongs were pointed out to me. I tried to live “at peace” with this person, trying to change my ways. I also felt the sting of this person’s caustic comments. When I reviewed the problem in my heart, I found that I understood some of the frustration the person felt. I then tried to correct the wrong, only to find I did not do it right again.
One thing led to another and very harsh words were exchanged. Very hurtful words were exchanged. For me, I had finally lost it. Just before the heated exchange, I realized I was never going to make this person happy. I started pulling away, going over for visits less often etc. As my eyes began to be open to the behavior pattern, I found that I had allowed this relationship to go on for too long.
I was shocked because I did not see the relationship for what it was, very unhealthy. How in the world did I do this again? It is not like I enter into this type of relationship very often if hardly ever anymore and here I was again in the middle of this anger cycle. The last few years I have learned that we don’t entirely walk away from old patterns. I learned that in my Survivor’s of Abuse group. So now I need to let go once more.
Again D’s story plays out in my mind. I was in comfortable water and as the water heated up, I stayed and when it began to boil – the anger boiled over, I found myself entrenched in a problem that I struggled to figure how to get out of “nicely.”I did not get out “nicely” though, so there are hurt feelings on both of our parts.
I had to call the “girlfriends” to work my way out of the “pit” of despair. Thank God for girlfriends. For me I need to “talk” my way through the struggle. In talking I begin to see where I went astray. I learn how to be more aware in the future as well. The girlfriends also show me love. They show me that I am worthwhile. That helps me a whole lot. These days I don’t struggle and feel depressed for weeks on end. I feel God’s love in these precious friends and that helps me move forward, not backward. Gone are the weeks, months of despair that I once knew.
Last year I did struggle longer than usual. When I found myself not able to move forward a few weeks with my Minister helped me tremendously. I keep hoping that I never ever feel the depression of years ago when I was a young mother, a teenager. That depression could last for months, probably for years.
Again, I believe my faith journey with Jesus helps me so much. The minute I feel despair these days, I find that Jesus makes me feel wanted. I sense Him helping me to “see” what I need to do. I also sense He is near me, holding me so tenderly. Often times I hear Scripture like, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” Another versus that helps me a lot is “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not harm you.” Yet another versus says, “For God first loved us.” After reflecting on versus like that or out on the porch watching nature yet again, I find peace entering my soul.
So I move forward once more. I will make more mistakes. The comforting thing for me is down deep, I know that my despair won’t last like it did years ago. One of my prayers is, “Holy Spirit, open my eyes and heart to the love, the will, the desire of the Father. Weave it into the fabric of my being so that every fiber will bring honor and glory to the Father.” As I learn to give each day and each part of the day to God, I find a peace living within me.
Again, I am reminded that life in the Lord is a journey, not a destination. I am also comforted that I am going to make mistakes and God isn’t going to give up on me. This truly helps me to keep on going when life has its ups and downs.
Again I ask where your hope is. Do you have hope? What do you do when you get those curve balls in life? Do you drink? Do you do drugs, have sex? Is it time to meet Jesus?
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
As much as I try to walk away from old habits, I find myself falling back into them from time to time. About the time I think I’ve conquered old pattern’s I am once more dealing with them. My friend D was one of several people who listened as I waded through my emotions. I was shocked that I had allowed myself to enter into a relationship of being controlled yet again.
D gave me a wonderful word picture that helped me tremendously. She told me about a familiar story. She talked about a frog. The frog if placed in cool water to begin with will not jump out of a pot as the water begins to boil. The frog will die because it is complacent and won’t jump out of the hot water when the water gets hot.
I had entered into to this relationship with an unsuspecting heart. I felt wrong when the wrongs were pointed out to me. I tried to live “at peace” with this person, trying to change my ways. I also felt the sting of this person’s caustic comments. When I reviewed the problem in my heart, I found that I understood some of the frustration the person felt. I then tried to correct the wrong, only to find I did not do it right again.
One thing led to another and very harsh words were exchanged. Very hurtful words were exchanged. For me, I had finally lost it. Just before the heated exchange, I realized I was never going to make this person happy. I started pulling away, going over for visits less often etc. As my eyes began to be open to the behavior pattern, I found that I had allowed this relationship to go on for too long.
I was shocked because I did not see the relationship for what it was, very unhealthy. How in the world did I do this again? It is not like I enter into this type of relationship very often if hardly ever anymore and here I was again in the middle of this anger cycle. The last few years I have learned that we don’t entirely walk away from old patterns. I learned that in my Survivor’s of Abuse group. So now I need to let go once more.
Again D’s story plays out in my mind. I was in comfortable water and as the water heated up, I stayed and when it began to boil – the anger boiled over, I found myself entrenched in a problem that I struggled to figure how to get out of “nicely.”I did not get out “nicely” though, so there are hurt feelings on both of our parts.
I had to call the “girlfriends” to work my way out of the “pit” of despair. Thank God for girlfriends. For me I need to “talk” my way through the struggle. In talking I begin to see where I went astray. I learn how to be more aware in the future as well. The girlfriends also show me love. They show me that I am worthwhile. That helps me a whole lot. These days I don’t struggle and feel depressed for weeks on end. I feel God’s love in these precious friends and that helps me move forward, not backward. Gone are the weeks, months of despair that I once knew.
Last year I did struggle longer than usual. When I found myself not able to move forward a few weeks with my Minister helped me tremendously. I keep hoping that I never ever feel the depression of years ago when I was a young mother, a teenager. That depression could last for months, probably for years.
Again, I believe my faith journey with Jesus helps me so much. The minute I feel despair these days, I find that Jesus makes me feel wanted. I sense Him helping me to “see” what I need to do. I also sense He is near me, holding me so tenderly. Often times I hear Scripture like, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” Another versus that helps me a lot is “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not harm you.” Yet another versus says, “For God first loved us.” After reflecting on versus like that or out on the porch watching nature yet again, I find peace entering my soul.
So I move forward once more. I will make more mistakes. The comforting thing for me is down deep, I know that my despair won’t last like it did years ago. One of my prayers is, “Holy Spirit, open my eyes and heart to the love, the will, the desire of the Father. Weave it into the fabric of my being so that every fiber will bring honor and glory to the Father.” As I learn to give each day and each part of the day to God, I find a peace living within me.
Again, I am reminded that life in the Lord is a journey, not a destination. I am also comforted that I am going to make mistakes and God isn’t going to give up on me. This truly helps me to keep on going when life has its ups and downs.
Again I ask where your hope is. Do you have hope? What do you do when you get those curve balls in life? Do you drink? Do you do drugs, have sex? Is it time to meet Jesus?
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, May 14, 2010
May 15, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
For the longest time I believed that the way I was at home did not mean anything. It mattered how I was out in “public.” I swore like a sailor at home and out in public, I would not swear very often. I could be angry at home, in public though, I tried hard not to let my anger out. The double life style was hard to keep up and I was depressed a whole lot.
As I entered into a faith journey with Jesus, I found myself wanting to be the “same,” at home and out in public. One of my first prayers was, “Lord, teach me to be the same inside the house and outside the house.” This prayer was such a help for me. I soon found that it DID matter that I was the same “every place.” When I was the same, I did not have to “remember” how to be, what to say etc. As I embraced this new way, I found peace, contentment and life was so much easier all around.
Another lesson I was learning was that people are always “watching.” I knew as a mother that setting the “example” was important to raising children. If I wanted them to do something, then I needed to be doing it myself. Children learn by example more than what my words may say.
I had a co-worker who started in my department right after I was divorced. She tells me often that she was watching me as I struggled. For me that was the time I was beginning my faith journey.
I had another co-worker in my area that was an angry woman. If I asked questions, she would begin be-rating me, screaming at me and throwing things on my desk. For me…I was a “victim” all over again. I felt paralyzed and handling my work load, my work day to be a huge struggle.
I started taking myself for a walk on my breaks and lunch hour. Walking has always been calming for me. In my first marriage, walking was a way to get a hold of myself when life was falling apart around me. I took my children for walks. At times they would open up and talk to me on a walk when I could not get them to talk at home.
This time though on my walks, I started praying. Some days I cried. I told God that I did not want to go back. I wanted to quit my job. God did not let me quit. He hugged me. I always felt stronger after my walks. I went back and faced my day. A few times I started to “fuss” back. I called this lady on the carpet so to speak.
My friend was on the other side of the wall of where I worked. She heard the confrontations. She’d see me in the hall, downstairs etc. She’d talk nice to me, encourage me and it helped me as well.
My friend watched all those years ago. She tells me often how she watched me. As I was preparing to retire she sent me an e-mail. This e-mail took me by surprise. I felt like crying as I read it. She was being abused by her boyfriend. She is a grandmother and I wanted to cry all the more. Her husband had died. That marriage was a challenge for her and now she was being abused.
I took her to Celebrate Recovery. This wonderful group of people with “hurts, habits and hang-ups,” took us in, loved us and we both found healing. We weren’t berated for staying in a bad situation. We were encouraged, loved when we fell down and a wonderful sense of community and peace grew within us.
“People are watching” keeps coming back to me. As I live life, someone is watching me. I don’t know “who” is watching though. Again, I find that it is important to be the same, at home, in public, even in the bathroom if you will. I can’t be a pervert in private and a sweet innocent thing in public. What is hidden in darkness will come out in the light.
I have a young person in my life who used to tell me that they slept on the couch when they stayed overnight at a friend of the opposite sex. This person wanted me to believe they were “good,” and not into sex. They wanted to do what seemed like fun. They wanted to be perceived as “wholesome” as well.
We all come up with “stories” that make us look good. How many parents have heard, “It wasn’t mine, I was holding it.” Then I’ve seen adult children who won’t smoke in front of their parents…because they know that their parents aren’t smokers. Same goes with drinking, drugs and even crazy fast driving. More often than not, people see “past” the stories. The only one fooled, is the one telling the story.
At this stage of my life, I want to live as if God is my God and Jesus is my Savior. I find that reading my Bible pretty much daily and daily prayer time helps me to know what God likes and to live a life that pleases Him. When I did not read and pray, I made God to be what I wanted Him to be. I also tend to take the Bible as it is written and try hard not to re-interpret it. I ask God to open my eyes and heart to Him and teach me as I read.
My question is….Who is watching you? Would you mind people knowing “who” you are at home, in the bathroom, at work?
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
For the longest time I believed that the way I was at home did not mean anything. It mattered how I was out in “public.” I swore like a sailor at home and out in public, I would not swear very often. I could be angry at home, in public though, I tried hard not to let my anger out. The double life style was hard to keep up and I was depressed a whole lot.
As I entered into a faith journey with Jesus, I found myself wanting to be the “same,” at home and out in public. One of my first prayers was, “Lord, teach me to be the same inside the house and outside the house.” This prayer was such a help for me. I soon found that it DID matter that I was the same “every place.” When I was the same, I did not have to “remember” how to be, what to say etc. As I embraced this new way, I found peace, contentment and life was so much easier all around.
Another lesson I was learning was that people are always “watching.” I knew as a mother that setting the “example” was important to raising children. If I wanted them to do something, then I needed to be doing it myself. Children learn by example more than what my words may say.
I had a co-worker who started in my department right after I was divorced. She tells me often that she was watching me as I struggled. For me that was the time I was beginning my faith journey.
I had another co-worker in my area that was an angry woman. If I asked questions, she would begin be-rating me, screaming at me and throwing things on my desk. For me…I was a “victim” all over again. I felt paralyzed and handling my work load, my work day to be a huge struggle.
I started taking myself for a walk on my breaks and lunch hour. Walking has always been calming for me. In my first marriage, walking was a way to get a hold of myself when life was falling apart around me. I took my children for walks. At times they would open up and talk to me on a walk when I could not get them to talk at home.
This time though on my walks, I started praying. Some days I cried. I told God that I did not want to go back. I wanted to quit my job. God did not let me quit. He hugged me. I always felt stronger after my walks. I went back and faced my day. A few times I started to “fuss” back. I called this lady on the carpet so to speak.
My friend was on the other side of the wall of where I worked. She heard the confrontations. She’d see me in the hall, downstairs etc. She’d talk nice to me, encourage me and it helped me as well.
My friend watched all those years ago. She tells me often how she watched me. As I was preparing to retire she sent me an e-mail. This e-mail took me by surprise. I felt like crying as I read it. She was being abused by her boyfriend. She is a grandmother and I wanted to cry all the more. Her husband had died. That marriage was a challenge for her and now she was being abused.
I took her to Celebrate Recovery. This wonderful group of people with “hurts, habits and hang-ups,” took us in, loved us and we both found healing. We weren’t berated for staying in a bad situation. We were encouraged, loved when we fell down and a wonderful sense of community and peace grew within us.
“People are watching” keeps coming back to me. As I live life, someone is watching me. I don’t know “who” is watching though. Again, I find that it is important to be the same, at home, in public, even in the bathroom if you will. I can’t be a pervert in private and a sweet innocent thing in public. What is hidden in darkness will come out in the light.
I have a young person in my life who used to tell me that they slept on the couch when they stayed overnight at a friend of the opposite sex. This person wanted me to believe they were “good,” and not into sex. They wanted to do what seemed like fun. They wanted to be perceived as “wholesome” as well.
We all come up with “stories” that make us look good. How many parents have heard, “It wasn’t mine, I was holding it.” Then I’ve seen adult children who won’t smoke in front of their parents…because they know that their parents aren’t smokers. Same goes with drinking, drugs and even crazy fast driving. More often than not, people see “past” the stories. The only one fooled, is the one telling the story.
At this stage of my life, I want to live as if God is my God and Jesus is my Savior. I find that reading my Bible pretty much daily and daily prayer time helps me to know what God likes and to live a life that pleases Him. When I did not read and pray, I made God to be what I wanted Him to be. I also tend to take the Bible as it is written and try hard not to re-interpret it. I ask God to open my eyes and heart to Him and teach me as I read.
My question is….Who is watching you? Would you mind people knowing “who” you are at home, in the bathroom, at work?
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, May 7, 2010
May 8, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I remember a co-worker asking, “If there is a God, why are babies thrown in a dumpster?” It was a hard question and I did not know how respond. It did not make me want to quit believing though. I need God. I need him like the air I breathe.
I also asked God, “Why did my Dad hit us? Why did he ask to ‘show me’ how to make love?” and so many questions. I tend to ponder things a whole lot. It drives people crazy because I am peering and looking and digging into the deep layers of life.
I have believed for a long time that my trials have given me an insight. I am able to talk to women who are struggling with abuse. I can talk to them in a way many people can’t. I’ve walked the road and know firsthand. I can relate to the anger you feel when you are never able to control life around you. I can relate to the helplessness you feel as well.
I believe that God created Adam and Eve with choice. In my heart, I believe choice means that when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then God will have a group of people who love Him for Who He is, not because He created us to be like a robot and love because we don’t know any better.
I also remember a day when I looked back on my first marriage. I did not like what I saw. I felt for my children, I grieved for them. They grew up in a lot of dysfunction. I hurt for them and I was so very sad. Still, we all have trials in life. Why Lord? Why did they have to grow up with all that JUNK?
Slowly I came to a faith walk with the Lord Jesus. It took me a while. Jesus/God is male. Men hurt. If men hurt me, then the maleness of God a mighty God might hurt me even more. Still a part of me needed God, I knew it deep down. I wanted to be loved, accepted and a part of me knew God was the love I was seeking.
As I have gone on in life, I tended to befriend hurting people along my journey. They usually find me, I don’t seek them out. Not that every one of my friends are hurting either. The hurting do find me though. As I reach out in love, I find peace. I may not be able to solve all their problems, but I am able to love in a way that is helpful to them. I believe it is God in me.
As I allow myself to be filled with God’s love, I find life to be sweeter, worth living, As God gives me the courage to face each day I begin to find joy. A lot of times I use those trials I’ve encountered to reach out and to love. I had a friend who was being abused. She reached out to me. I went with her to Celebrate Recovery and I have such joy because she is not in the abuse any longer. She is even inviting Jesus to live with her, a blessing as well.
A while back, I needed to “re-enter” into someone’s life that I had not been in contact with. My prayer life and prayers for this person, allowed me to reconnect without anger. I also needed to call a lot of girlfriends. This person saw me as I was years and years ago. I found myself accepting the “old” me. As I talked to girlfriend after girlfriend, I started to see the “new” Janet. I am a new creation in Christ and that is what my friends showed me as I talked with them. When I met with this person, I was able to be the “new creation” and not the old “Janet.”
I have a problem of being a “victim.” I was one and to be honest, that is all I knew. My counseling, my walk with Jesus has taught me I don’t have to be a victim any longer, sometimes though when I get thrown that curve ball. I do find that “victim,” mentality again. My friends showed me that I am not that girl of years ago that allowed people to beat her up. I am a “New Creation” in Christ. With Jesus….I am able to “do” life without the fear of years past. I am able to reach out and to love, to give and I don’t have to worry. God will hold me when I need holding. He will send me out with strength and courage.
What is stopping “you” from a faith journey with the Lord? All you have to do is ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior in your heart. Did you know that? He will take you right where you are at.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I remember a co-worker asking, “If there is a God, why are babies thrown in a dumpster?” It was a hard question and I did not know how respond. It did not make me want to quit believing though. I need God. I need him like the air I breathe.
I also asked God, “Why did my Dad hit us? Why did he ask to ‘show me’ how to make love?” and so many questions. I tend to ponder things a whole lot. It drives people crazy because I am peering and looking and digging into the deep layers of life.
I have believed for a long time that my trials have given me an insight. I am able to talk to women who are struggling with abuse. I can talk to them in a way many people can’t. I’ve walked the road and know firsthand. I can relate to the anger you feel when you are never able to control life around you. I can relate to the helplessness you feel as well.
I believe that God created Adam and Eve with choice. In my heart, I believe choice means that when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then God will have a group of people who love Him for Who He is, not because He created us to be like a robot and love because we don’t know any better.
I also remember a day when I looked back on my first marriage. I did not like what I saw. I felt for my children, I grieved for them. They grew up in a lot of dysfunction. I hurt for them and I was so very sad. Still, we all have trials in life. Why Lord? Why did they have to grow up with all that JUNK?
Slowly I came to a faith walk with the Lord Jesus. It took me a while. Jesus/God is male. Men hurt. If men hurt me, then the maleness of God a mighty God might hurt me even more. Still a part of me needed God, I knew it deep down. I wanted to be loved, accepted and a part of me knew God was the love I was seeking.
As I have gone on in life, I tended to befriend hurting people along my journey. They usually find me, I don’t seek them out. Not that every one of my friends are hurting either. The hurting do find me though. As I reach out in love, I find peace. I may not be able to solve all their problems, but I am able to love in a way that is helpful to them. I believe it is God in me.
As I allow myself to be filled with God’s love, I find life to be sweeter, worth living, As God gives me the courage to face each day I begin to find joy. A lot of times I use those trials I’ve encountered to reach out and to love. I had a friend who was being abused. She reached out to me. I went with her to Celebrate Recovery and I have such joy because she is not in the abuse any longer. She is even inviting Jesus to live with her, a blessing as well.
A while back, I needed to “re-enter” into someone’s life that I had not been in contact with. My prayer life and prayers for this person, allowed me to reconnect without anger. I also needed to call a lot of girlfriends. This person saw me as I was years and years ago. I found myself accepting the “old” me. As I talked to girlfriend after girlfriend, I started to see the “new” Janet. I am a new creation in Christ and that is what my friends showed me as I talked with them. When I met with this person, I was able to be the “new creation” and not the old “Janet.”
I have a problem of being a “victim.” I was one and to be honest, that is all I knew. My counseling, my walk with Jesus has taught me I don’t have to be a victim any longer, sometimes though when I get thrown that curve ball. I do find that “victim,” mentality again. My friends showed me that I am not that girl of years ago that allowed people to beat her up. I am a “New Creation” in Christ. With Jesus….I am able to “do” life without the fear of years past. I am able to reach out and to love, to give and I don’t have to worry. God will hold me when I need holding. He will send me out with strength and courage.
What is stopping “you” from a faith journey with the Lord? All you have to do is ask Jesus to be the Lord and Savior in your heart. Did you know that? He will take you right where you are at.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you
Love
Janet
Friday, April 30, 2010
May 1, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
Today, I am thinking about being content. It is something I have strived for. It has eluded me for a good portion of my life. I am now starting to be content. I am finding that “things,” don’t make me content. Relationships don’t either. For me contentment has truly come as I have learned to have a personal relationship with the Lord and as I learn to love God, I find I am able to love others in a deep way.
Philippians 4:11-13 is one of those passages that often speak to my heart. “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
I remember having the dream, “two kids, a station wagon, and a dog in the yard and a house in the suburbs.” I had that and still I was unfulfilled. I was sad, depressed a very discontented woman. Then I thought that owning a minivan would make me happy, nope, I wasn’t happy.
As a child, money was tight, very tight. We did not know at times where our next meal was going to come from. We often lived life on a day to day basis. It scared me. I had a constant fear that we would live on the street. I carried this fear into my adult life as well.
From age 23 to about age 46, I was in and out of counseling. I could not find peace. I wanted to idealize people too. I wanted to put them on a pedestal. I felt if I could find the “right” person and totally love them, then I would be loved, wanted and special. My love was an all consuming love.
I grew up in the church. I took my kids to church. I never had a problem believing that God existed. I could not figure out how to talk to God, to give God my heart. I would pray some. I would wake up in the middle of the night with deep fear gripping me. I would pray for my children from time to time. When my son began to get in serious trouble I learned to pray even more for him.
I was married for 24 years and then I was divorced. The marriage had been a roller coaster, still I thought we’d figure it out and then “get” it right. I thought we’d be one of those couples who in later years would come around and have a deep love and peace. It did not happen.
I moved in with my Mom just before we divorced. My goal was to clean up Mom’s house and prepare it for retirement. Mom and Dad did not keep an orderly home. My gift was to give Mom a cleaned up house. That year or so helped me so much. I cleaned up that house. I helped paint, my brother doing most of that. I cleaned out the basement. All that cleaning, lugging stuff to the curb helped me find peace.
I remember one of the nights lying in my bed. I prayed. I began talking to God. I talked to Him like He was my friend. I cried and told God how scared I was. I then asked God to allow me to be married again…something I had never wanted to do again. Marriage had been such hard work. I then started asking God for what I wanted in a husband. I wanted a man who had an education. I was not interested in a rich man. I did want our bills to be paid and enough money to pay those bills. I wasn’t looking for much more than a comfortable lifestyle…not fancy….extravagant. I wanted a healthy relationship. That was important to me. Then I asked God for a man who took his faith seriously. Oh, I asked for a man that I could look up to.
I went on with my life. I went to work. I went to church and continued on with being a youth advisor to the teens. I went to my counseling sessions. My counselor suggested I try a Divorce Recovery group. I went to that and found that helpful too. I even started to make friends, single friends. I was finding that I could move on. I was even enjoying myself.
Along the way I met Junior (a little too soon but hey it works). We have been married for 12 years now. Our marriage has been very satisfying. He is my best friend. I never believed a husband and wife could be best friends. We are. Junior takes his faith very seriously. He insisted that I put God before him. That was weird to me. I began talking to God and then reading my Bible.
The more I prayed and read my Bible, the more content I felt. Some of that is God makes me feel so special. The wonderful thing is God makes each one of us feel like we are very precious. As my faith has grown, I find I can face life. I can deal with people not loving me better now. I can accept that I am hard to love. I can love even if others don’t love me.
Somewhere along the way, I have learned that it isn’t fancy vacations, a showcase pretty house or lots of money that makes me happy. Today contentment is living each day for God. The more I am able to give God my heart, the more I find life not so hard and scary. If people don’t like me, I am able to move on. I am able to get up and face each and every day now. When I do stumble on occasion, God places help in my path. Last year I was grieving a relationship gone sour. I struggled and people close to me were concerned. I met with our Minister for several weeks. I am moving forward once more.
As I look back on my life I think I felt very unwanted. It is not something I realized as I went through life. It is something I see on hindsight. With Jesus though, I find life so sweet. I am happy more days than not now. Again it isn’t in the stuff. It is in knowing I am precious. With this love, I am able to face each day. I have a purpose which makes me feel good too. God has work for me to do and I love it. I am a writer, a friend, a wife (a job I adore), a mother, a grandmother and life is so very sweet.
As I end this, I have a question. What makes you happy?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Today, I am thinking about being content. It is something I have strived for. It has eluded me for a good portion of my life. I am now starting to be content. I am finding that “things,” don’t make me content. Relationships don’t either. For me contentment has truly come as I have learned to have a personal relationship with the Lord and as I learn to love God, I find I am able to love others in a deep way.
Philippians 4:11-13 is one of those passages that often speak to my heart. “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
I remember having the dream, “two kids, a station wagon, and a dog in the yard and a house in the suburbs.” I had that and still I was unfulfilled. I was sad, depressed a very discontented woman. Then I thought that owning a minivan would make me happy, nope, I wasn’t happy.
As a child, money was tight, very tight. We did not know at times where our next meal was going to come from. We often lived life on a day to day basis. It scared me. I had a constant fear that we would live on the street. I carried this fear into my adult life as well.
From age 23 to about age 46, I was in and out of counseling. I could not find peace. I wanted to idealize people too. I wanted to put them on a pedestal. I felt if I could find the “right” person and totally love them, then I would be loved, wanted and special. My love was an all consuming love.
I grew up in the church. I took my kids to church. I never had a problem believing that God existed. I could not figure out how to talk to God, to give God my heart. I would pray some. I would wake up in the middle of the night with deep fear gripping me. I would pray for my children from time to time. When my son began to get in serious trouble I learned to pray even more for him.
I was married for 24 years and then I was divorced. The marriage had been a roller coaster, still I thought we’d figure it out and then “get” it right. I thought we’d be one of those couples who in later years would come around and have a deep love and peace. It did not happen.
I moved in with my Mom just before we divorced. My goal was to clean up Mom’s house and prepare it for retirement. Mom and Dad did not keep an orderly home. My gift was to give Mom a cleaned up house. That year or so helped me so much. I cleaned up that house. I helped paint, my brother doing most of that. I cleaned out the basement. All that cleaning, lugging stuff to the curb helped me find peace.
I remember one of the nights lying in my bed. I prayed. I began talking to God. I talked to Him like He was my friend. I cried and told God how scared I was. I then asked God to allow me to be married again…something I had never wanted to do again. Marriage had been such hard work. I then started asking God for what I wanted in a husband. I wanted a man who had an education. I was not interested in a rich man. I did want our bills to be paid and enough money to pay those bills. I wasn’t looking for much more than a comfortable lifestyle…not fancy….extravagant. I wanted a healthy relationship. That was important to me. Then I asked God for a man who took his faith seriously. Oh, I asked for a man that I could look up to.
I went on with my life. I went to work. I went to church and continued on with being a youth advisor to the teens. I went to my counseling sessions. My counselor suggested I try a Divorce Recovery group. I went to that and found that helpful too. I even started to make friends, single friends. I was finding that I could move on. I was even enjoying myself.
Along the way I met Junior (a little too soon but hey it works). We have been married for 12 years now. Our marriage has been very satisfying. He is my best friend. I never believed a husband and wife could be best friends. We are. Junior takes his faith very seriously. He insisted that I put God before him. That was weird to me. I began talking to God and then reading my Bible.
The more I prayed and read my Bible, the more content I felt. Some of that is God makes me feel so special. The wonderful thing is God makes each one of us feel like we are very precious. As my faith has grown, I find I can face life. I can deal with people not loving me better now. I can accept that I am hard to love. I can love even if others don’t love me.
Somewhere along the way, I have learned that it isn’t fancy vacations, a showcase pretty house or lots of money that makes me happy. Today contentment is living each day for God. The more I am able to give God my heart, the more I find life not so hard and scary. If people don’t like me, I am able to move on. I am able to get up and face each and every day now. When I do stumble on occasion, God places help in my path. Last year I was grieving a relationship gone sour. I struggled and people close to me were concerned. I met with our Minister for several weeks. I am moving forward once more.
As I look back on my life I think I felt very unwanted. It is not something I realized as I went through life. It is something I see on hindsight. With Jesus though, I find life so sweet. I am happy more days than not now. Again it isn’t in the stuff. It is in knowing I am precious. With this love, I am able to face each day. I have a purpose which makes me feel good too. God has work for me to do and I love it. I am a writer, a friend, a wife (a job I adore), a mother, a grandmother and life is so very sweet.
As I end this, I have a question. What makes you happy?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, April 23, 2010
April 24, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
It seems to me that last year, I tended to look at relationships and that so far this year I am looking at my personality traits. I have had people try to direct me in my flaws and attempt to show them to me. Many of the attempts have been loving and tender, some haven’t.
I am again pondering “me.” I am in prayer a whole lot about “me,” as well. As I began my faith journey I remember praying to God and asking Him to be patient with me, help me grow and when I fell down, I asked that He would pick me up, dust me off and then send me on my way again. God has been faithful in helping me to “grow” into a woman after His heart. I wanted to “love” people. I wanted to “love” even if it hurt.
I have “loved” a whole lot since entering into my faith journey. I am able to love Junior and I believe that we have a fairly healthy relationship. I don’t think it was anything either of us was capable of on our own. We both have a track record of a failed marriage, a dysfunctional lifestyle. We pray often for our marriage, pretty much each day really. I believe that God teaches us to love, to deal with our flaws…the piece of the prayer that goes something like….”Lord Open my eyes and my heart to Junior,” has helped me to look past his strange to “me” ways
I don’t get angry like I used to get. Anger just does not well up inside of me anymore, do I occasionally get angry? Sure, I do. I just don’t have the depth of anger and to be honest, I can’t be the angry girl I was with my siblings, the angry frustrated wife I used to be in my other marriage. It is gone. God, I believe has taken that away from me.
I still have traits that are annoying. I wish they would go away. I pray asking God to take these flaws away from me. He reminds me from time to time that He may not take some things away. God told Paul that he would not take something away from him. God was made known with these struggles that Paul had. 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 9.
I keep seeing a picture, many times after I pray, I will see this. Is it God talking to me? I am starting to think maybe it is. I get this picture often. I see a clam. Then I see sand. I see that the sand is an irritant and then a pearl is formed. I also “hear” Junior. He often will tell people that he knows that he is not concerned when people are upset when he tells them about Jesus or that they may be headed to hell. He feels that pleasing God is more important. Junior also does not WANT anyone to go to hell, so if he was a little abrasive and they turn their heart to God…..well….
As people come alongside of me….I find I have courage. I find that many people will accept me, warts and all. God seems to accept me RIGHT where I am at. That really helps me. I am finding that if “each” of us will look at ourselves we will find….there are some flaws that are hard for others to deal with.
“M” has known me forever and a day. She is a precious friend. She knew me in my other life. She will often acknowledge that I have personality defects and then she says, “You’ve always been that way.” M has loved me for the heart of who I am. She loves me like God does. She loves me right where I am at. M has also helped me grow out of some of my defects too. She just loved, accepted me and rejoiced with me as I grew. That is how God loves us. He takes us right where we are at. For me that was wonderful. That right where I am at thing then leads to growth. When I found that God loves me “warts and all”…Wow! That is the point I was able to start to change. I couldn’t really change much until I was accepted AND loved.
In my walk with the Lord….I am able to love, to give and to grow. Until I met Jesus, my growth was slow. Since giving Jesus my heart….I am a different woman. I am a more content woman. I have a desire to give, to reach out and even do some hard to do things.
I am a “people pleaser.” I have wanted to find the right formula to love people. You know what? There isn’t a right formula. A lot of what I do to try to please people….really aggravates them. My heart at this stage is one that wants to please God. When I give God my heart, He is faithful and just. He helps me face life. He also reminds me that the people loved Jesus and then they hated him. They flocked to Him and then they had Him crucified.
When we walk with Jesus….we will have our trails. We will. Still I find a peace, contentment when I walk with Jesus. I find courage, a courage I never had before. I find a desire to please Him/God. I am also starting to be comfortable with the fact that “everyone” won’t like me. I am never going to make all people LOVE me. It won’t happen. I do find though, that when I give God my heart….I am able to love, even if my love isn’t returned.
Have you given God your heart? Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
It seems to me that last year, I tended to look at relationships and that so far this year I am looking at my personality traits. I have had people try to direct me in my flaws and attempt to show them to me. Many of the attempts have been loving and tender, some haven’t.
I am again pondering “me.” I am in prayer a whole lot about “me,” as well. As I began my faith journey I remember praying to God and asking Him to be patient with me, help me grow and when I fell down, I asked that He would pick me up, dust me off and then send me on my way again. God has been faithful in helping me to “grow” into a woman after His heart. I wanted to “love” people. I wanted to “love” even if it hurt.
I have “loved” a whole lot since entering into my faith journey. I am able to love Junior and I believe that we have a fairly healthy relationship. I don’t think it was anything either of us was capable of on our own. We both have a track record of a failed marriage, a dysfunctional lifestyle. We pray often for our marriage, pretty much each day really. I believe that God teaches us to love, to deal with our flaws…the piece of the prayer that goes something like….”Lord Open my eyes and my heart to Junior,” has helped me to look past his strange to “me” ways
I don’t get angry like I used to get. Anger just does not well up inside of me anymore, do I occasionally get angry? Sure, I do. I just don’t have the depth of anger and to be honest, I can’t be the angry girl I was with my siblings, the angry frustrated wife I used to be in my other marriage. It is gone. God, I believe has taken that away from me.
I still have traits that are annoying. I wish they would go away. I pray asking God to take these flaws away from me. He reminds me from time to time that He may not take some things away. God told Paul that he would not take something away from him. God was made known with these struggles that Paul had. 2 Corinthians 12:7 – 9.
I keep seeing a picture, many times after I pray, I will see this. Is it God talking to me? I am starting to think maybe it is. I get this picture often. I see a clam. Then I see sand. I see that the sand is an irritant and then a pearl is formed. I also “hear” Junior. He often will tell people that he knows that he is not concerned when people are upset when he tells them about Jesus or that they may be headed to hell. He feels that pleasing God is more important. Junior also does not WANT anyone to go to hell, so if he was a little abrasive and they turn their heart to God…..well….
As people come alongside of me….I find I have courage. I find that many people will accept me, warts and all. God seems to accept me RIGHT where I am at. That really helps me. I am finding that if “each” of us will look at ourselves we will find….there are some flaws that are hard for others to deal with.
“M” has known me forever and a day. She is a precious friend. She knew me in my other life. She will often acknowledge that I have personality defects and then she says, “You’ve always been that way.” M has loved me for the heart of who I am. She loves me like God does. She loves me right where I am at. M has also helped me grow out of some of my defects too. She just loved, accepted me and rejoiced with me as I grew. That is how God loves us. He takes us right where we are at. For me that was wonderful. That right where I am at thing then leads to growth. When I found that God loves me “warts and all”…Wow! That is the point I was able to start to change. I couldn’t really change much until I was accepted AND loved.
In my walk with the Lord….I am able to love, to give and to grow. Until I met Jesus, my growth was slow. Since giving Jesus my heart….I am a different woman. I am a more content woman. I have a desire to give, to reach out and even do some hard to do things.
I am a “people pleaser.” I have wanted to find the right formula to love people. You know what? There isn’t a right formula. A lot of what I do to try to please people….really aggravates them. My heart at this stage is one that wants to please God. When I give God my heart, He is faithful and just. He helps me face life. He also reminds me that the people loved Jesus and then they hated him. They flocked to Him and then they had Him crucified.
When we walk with Jesus….we will have our trails. We will. Still I find a peace, contentment when I walk with Jesus. I find courage, a courage I never had before. I find a desire to please Him/God. I am also starting to be comfortable with the fact that “everyone” won’t like me. I am never going to make all people LOVE me. It won’t happen. I do find though, that when I give God my heart….I am able to love, even if my love isn’t returned.
Have you given God your heart? Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, April 16, 2010
April 17, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
“In sickness and in health, in good times and bad, till death do us part.” Have you ever thought upon these words, these often used wedding vows? To me it is a huge statement, a declaration of committed love. I know that Junior and I often will spout them off to each other when we are being tried by the other one. Still, break it down and wow… what a commitment they can be.
I often refer to them in my faith journey with the Lord. Many times walking with Jesus, we tend to want the “good” stuff, not the hard work part of our faith journey. We want Jesus to “give” to us and we’d rather not have to do uncomfortable work, unpopular stuff, tell others how He has worked in our lives.
Jesus commands on his way back to heaven, “to go forth and make disciples of every nation and tribe.” For me, for the longest time, I did not want to offend, to be over ambitious in my “telling.” In the past many years, I’ve grown to love Jesus in a much different way. He has been at my side as I struggled greatly. I felt him there. He’d tell me I was precious as I felt beat up, an unwanted woman. He was there when I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to live financially after my divorce. As people close to me chose to reject me, Jesus taught me that he loves me, even if I have warts in my personality.
I then think about products. For instance, I love this rose face stuff from Avon. I love my “crocs” (knock off’s still I love them). I love our Explorer. I love many other brand name kinds of things. When we find something that we totally love….we talk about how it works for us. My niece loves her “coach” purse AND she is excited when she can pick one up on sale, even better at a thrift store.
Many of us even pick the “neighborhood” we live in because it is the “happening” place. It may have great schools. They remove snow wonderfully quick, stuff like that. We will tell people all about our choices and WHY we love what we buy, where we live etc. When it comes to why we “believe” well, you know….it isn’t polite.
How many of us love to wear tee-shirts with famous people, advertisements a political point of view? At work, we may even be allowed to wear some of that stuff, but we can’t wear our Christian beliefs. It may offend. To be honest…..I see plenty of offensive tee-shirts, like x-rated, a political view I don’t agree with. There are even the “put down” types, like bashing men, women etc.
Jesus….my life is different now. I have peace….wonderful peace…even when life seems to fall apart around me. Jesus seems to tell me, “Janet, I am here and I am not going ANYWHERE.” I want to tell of His wonderful love. I want to share the “hope,” I have. I have “hope” now, before, I did not have hope. I did not feel like my life really mattered. I felt that I was expendable. As people left my life…..I felt like a cast away. If I died, I felt no one really cared and all I did was take up space, valuable space.
That lady at the gym awhile back, the one that told me “I should have been aborted.” Wow, because I had some struggles meant that I should not “be.” Ouch! So Jesus, comes alongside of me, tells me, “Janet, I have something I need you to do.” Then I say, “Me, do you realize, I am annoying, not liked very much?” He says, “Yup, you, I need you to…..” Again I say, “Me? Do you realize that I am not popular, that I am annoying because I repeat myself?” Then Jesus says, “Yup, you are the one.” He has me write a blog, He has me take a friend to Celebrate Recovery. He has me go visit my Landlord because getting out of the house is hard for her. As I learn to “hear and then obey.” My life begins to seem to have a purpose, a reason.
So…..I am not supposed to “tell” because it might “offend.” The struggle I have is…..I have a NEED to tell. It’s like those cool shoes….I want to tell where I got them, how much I paid for them. I can’t “not” tell. It is bubbling up inside of me and for some reason….it can’t stay there.
Do I try to “over” talk my faith? NO! I try to be “me” and tell what I have learned, what I have found. I try hard to do it in my day in, day out way of life, matter of fact. I have also found as I have come to grips with being “strange” that some people will be offended no matter what you do, what you say. So…….I give Jesus my heart and let Him guide me and if in the process someone is offended…..there is not a lot I can do about it. It’s like the people who wear x-rated crud, they have the right, the need to……
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
“In sickness and in health, in good times and bad, till death do us part.” Have you ever thought upon these words, these often used wedding vows? To me it is a huge statement, a declaration of committed love. I know that Junior and I often will spout them off to each other when we are being tried by the other one. Still, break it down and wow… what a commitment they can be.
I often refer to them in my faith journey with the Lord. Many times walking with Jesus, we tend to want the “good” stuff, not the hard work part of our faith journey. We want Jesus to “give” to us and we’d rather not have to do uncomfortable work, unpopular stuff, tell others how He has worked in our lives.
Jesus commands on his way back to heaven, “to go forth and make disciples of every nation and tribe.” For me, for the longest time, I did not want to offend, to be over ambitious in my “telling.” In the past many years, I’ve grown to love Jesus in a much different way. He has been at my side as I struggled greatly. I felt him there. He’d tell me I was precious as I felt beat up, an unwanted woman. He was there when I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to live financially after my divorce. As people close to me chose to reject me, Jesus taught me that he loves me, even if I have warts in my personality.
I then think about products. For instance, I love this rose face stuff from Avon. I love my “crocs” (knock off’s still I love them). I love our Explorer. I love many other brand name kinds of things. When we find something that we totally love….we talk about how it works for us. My niece loves her “coach” purse AND she is excited when she can pick one up on sale, even better at a thrift store.
Many of us even pick the “neighborhood” we live in because it is the “happening” place. It may have great schools. They remove snow wonderfully quick, stuff like that. We will tell people all about our choices and WHY we love what we buy, where we live etc. When it comes to why we “believe” well, you know….it isn’t polite.
How many of us love to wear tee-shirts with famous people, advertisements a political point of view? At work, we may even be allowed to wear some of that stuff, but we can’t wear our Christian beliefs. It may offend. To be honest…..I see plenty of offensive tee-shirts, like x-rated, a political view I don’t agree with. There are even the “put down” types, like bashing men, women etc.
Jesus….my life is different now. I have peace….wonderful peace…even when life seems to fall apart around me. Jesus seems to tell me, “Janet, I am here and I am not going ANYWHERE.” I want to tell of His wonderful love. I want to share the “hope,” I have. I have “hope” now, before, I did not have hope. I did not feel like my life really mattered. I felt that I was expendable. As people left my life…..I felt like a cast away. If I died, I felt no one really cared and all I did was take up space, valuable space.
That lady at the gym awhile back, the one that told me “I should have been aborted.” Wow, because I had some struggles meant that I should not “be.” Ouch! So Jesus, comes alongside of me, tells me, “Janet, I have something I need you to do.” Then I say, “Me, do you realize, I am annoying, not liked very much?” He says, “Yup, you, I need you to…..” Again I say, “Me? Do you realize that I am not popular, that I am annoying because I repeat myself?” Then Jesus says, “Yup, you are the one.” He has me write a blog, He has me take a friend to Celebrate Recovery. He has me go visit my Landlord because getting out of the house is hard for her. As I learn to “hear and then obey.” My life begins to seem to have a purpose, a reason.
So…..I am not supposed to “tell” because it might “offend.” The struggle I have is…..I have a NEED to tell. It’s like those cool shoes….I want to tell where I got them, how much I paid for them. I can’t “not” tell. It is bubbling up inside of me and for some reason….it can’t stay there.
Do I try to “over” talk my faith? NO! I try to be “me” and tell what I have learned, what I have found. I try hard to do it in my day in, day out way of life, matter of fact. I have also found as I have come to grips with being “strange” that some people will be offended no matter what you do, what you say. So…….I give Jesus my heart and let Him guide me and if in the process someone is offended…..there is not a lot I can do about it. It’s like the people who wear x-rated crud, they have the right, the need to……
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
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